A Season

There is a season where life seems to be rushing at breakneck speed. Where boys begin to shave, and girls awaken to the emotional drama of being an almost teenager. Where little sisters graciously follow and participate in the activities of their older siblings. Where laundry just doesn't get done and the house is a mess and there's hardly time to breathe. Where husbands face hard challenges, and kids need help on their homework, and new ideas for meals are hard to come by. Where the leaves on the trees have all of a sudden turned brilliant orange, yellow, and red, and the little birds fly like pepper in the sky. Where Thanksgiving is a week away, but really seems like it should be a few weeks away.

It's a full season. Full of joy. Full of emotion. Full of fun. Full of frustration. Full of wondering. Full of questions that hopefully have wise answers. Full of hope. Full of driving. Full calendars. Full hearts.

And in between, there's not much time for writing, for processing these things that are all happening whether I try to stop them or not, so I just hold on for dear life and ride this kite tail called life and hope that I am taking it all in; loving, laughing, growing, sharing, building. Making good choices and decisions by the grace of God and in the best ways I know how. Being and becoming the woman God created me to be.

And in the midst of it all, finding those little things and big things to be thankful for. It keeps me going. Keeps my perspective where it should be - most of the time. So here is the list of gifts #201 - 300. It's been a while, and I haven't kept up with this list the way I'd like, so it starts back in early September.


201. A day at the beach
202. Warm sand between my toes.
203. Kids splashing in the waves.
204. Cloudless blue sky and warm temperatures at the Oregon Coast!
205. Running down big sand dunes.
206. Happy dog being buried in the sand.
207. Relaxed Daddy.
208. Popping in at Aunt Pam's beach cabin to spend time with cousins and Pam.
209. A sand bed made specially by Katie to fit my body.
210. Yummy fajitas.
211. The color red.
212. Purple!!
213. The little sparkles on the stem of a tomato plant.
214. Family - Papa O., Aunt Kathy, Aunt Deena and cousin Andrea coming for a visit.
215. Monday! A fresh week ahead of me.
216. Don Skyles - his funeral, hearing about the kind of man he was.
217. Generosity of Dad and Mary to share their home with our family and friends while they are gone.
218. Talking with Alan Mezger.
219. Grace University - taking a class with Cam and Katie at church.
220. The enthusiasm and energy of Geary Linhart as he teaches - a definite teacher's heart!
221. A good night's sleep finally!
222. Harvest moon rising in hazy dusk sky.
223. Worship practice with Paula and Becky.
224. Working on albums with Debbie.
225. The albums are done!
226. Homework time with the kids.
227. Homemade goodies in the oven.
228. Knowing the Lord's help in being patient with the kids.
229. Father and son out to ice cream after the game.
230. Have I mentioned coffee? :)
231. Late start Wednesdays - longer quiet time!
232. Walking into my bedroom and seeing that Reid has made the bed for me.
233. Baby chicks!
234. Pleasant afternoons at the park after school.
235. Chatty, giggly, happy girls - even when it's overkill and can be annoying. :)
236. Waking Katie up - a smile on her face before she even opens her eyes.
237. Getting out Fall clothes.
238. Reid helping Nattie with her "me" poster.
239. Reid's cheerful, joking, relaxed time with the girls last night.
240. The beginnings of shcool days- hustle and bustle of breakfast, lunch prep, etc.
241. The peaceful pitter patter of raindrops.
242. Rain!
243. Feeling cozy in our nice comfy house during the rain.
244. The smell of rain.
245. A dinner at home with all of us around the table. (sports season..)
246. A fishing day for Reid.
247. A day at home to catch up on housework.
248. Cooler weather.
249. Walking with Amber.
250. Laughter.
251. Walking and talking with Amber and Jenny.
252. A day of salmon fishing for Reid. (Different day than the previous one. :) )
253. How God has filled my "mom shaped hole" with Himself and so many wonderful friends and aunts and cousins.
254. Scrabble with Leslie.
255. Family movie night.
256. All family members laughing hard at the movie.
257. Going to church.
258. Worshiping with church family.
259. A rainy afternoon.
260. Coming home after being out Saturday morning to find the house clean and the girls room cleaned.
261. The happy, proud smiles of the girls who worked hard to make their room look nice.
262. Gorgeous blanket of pink clouds over the world as the sun rises.
263, Praying with Reid.
264. Eating salmon.
265. Being known.
266. Being a child of God.
267. Women's Bible study.
268. Talking on the phone with Rhonda.
269. Going to Dundee Open House.
270. The feeling of being settled, established in this community.
271. Nights of restless sleep. They make me rely on the Lord to make it thru the day and help me appreciate the nights of good sleep.
272. Extended summery weather.
273. Morning mist rolling down over the vineyard next to our house.
274. Sun shining on the vineyard - such a pretty green.
275. Listening to my husband teach at Grace University.
276. Worship on Sunday.
277. Hats!
278. Wind.
279. Seeing Dad and Mary after 3 weeks.
280. Finding so many wonderful treasures in the hand-me-down bins.
281. Nattie sitting on my lap reading to me.
282. A well timed walk and talk with Amber.
283. Prayer and worship time with Paula.
284. Prayer time with Reid.
285. Leaves changing color all over - reds, oranges, yellows - so brilliant!
286. Fresh hair cut for Cameron.
287. Earlier darkness = relaxed evenings together.
288. Father and son up in Grampa's shop working on a project together.
289. Brother and sister playing a game together.
290. Finding a new gluten free blog with yummy looking recipes.
291. First High School band concert.
292. Cam and Reid wrestling and laughing.
293. Happy pregnancies at church.
294. New little adopted step-niece on my lap.
295. Katie all dressed up for an interview at school (for a trip she'd like to go on.)
296. New flannel jammies.
297. Foggy mornings.
298. Frost on the windshield.
299. Grandparents who try hard to come to every performance and game.
300. Music! Orchestra, band, etc.

I know... I repeated a few of those. But they meant different things at different times.

Now I'd best get back to unpacking the groceries... or the dishes.... or the laundry... or fixing dinner.... or a little of each. :) Riding that kite tail, baby. Yep.

One of THOSE Days

Ever had one of THOSE days where too many things go wrong or just don't click? I don't usually have days like that. Maybe moments,or even a couple of hours. But today.... today, I tell you, has been one of THOSE days.

Actually, it started last night. I didn't sleep well. Too hot, then too cold, then Reid stole the covers. You know how it goes. So I got up at my usual time - 5:30. Things started just fine. I had my prayer time, woke the two older kids up, and then stuff started happening.

I was preparing a roast for dinner tonight. I wanted to get it in the crock pot before I woke the younger girls up at 7:15. So I was searing it in a pan, talking with the older kids, preparing three lunches and two breakfasts. They needed to leave in 5 minutes or so, and I realized I hadn't made Reid's oatmeal yet. Thankfully he walked in right before I started it and let me know that he didn't need breakfast this morning. Then he stood in the kitchen. Watching me. Not. Doing. Anything. To. Help. Yep. Then he asked me if I had remembered to return the Donaldson's car keys to them sometime over the last week, which I hadn't. He proceeded to tell me that I'd better get the keys to them this morning because Tom may need his truck today. And "Oh, did you remember to bring my water bottle home from the water polo game last night?" (I had awakened in the night worried because I couldn't remember bringing it home. I had asked him to leave it with me at the game when he left early for a meeting.) I told him I may have left it at the pool, and he huffed out of the house. Great way to start the morning. (I had permission to write this. We are a real live human couple with real live little tiffs and such after all.)

The roast was finished searing and I put it in the crock pot. Then I went to take a quick shower and fix my hair before waking the littles up. Got them up, worked on their lunches and breakfasts, finished getting myself ready for the day. Looked for the potatoes in the fridge to add to the roast. Uh-oh. No potatoes. And oh yeah - I forgot to buy carrots, too. Great. Roast with no potatoes and carrots. Oh well. Figure it out later.

I was just about ready to fix my breakfast and noticed that we were out of milk. Shucks! Peanut butter toast in the car, I guess. Lunch! I almost forgot to fix my own lunch to take with me to my aunt's house where I clean every other Thursday! Threw in a bagel, a pear and a cookie and called it good.

Oh yeah. The dog. She's been misbehaving in the garage when we leave her the last couple of times. We had planned to attach her leash to a stake in the yard this time, but now I was out of time. I left her in the garage, but this time on a leash.

Got the girls to school and drove off to Lake Oswego for the day of cleaning and conversation with my Aunt Pam. Hmmm.... gas tank was low. Great. I knew I'd make it there and hoped it was enough to get back and maybe get gas before time to pick up the middle school car pool kids.

Had a great conversation with my wonderful auntie. Worked fast and furiously to clean her house for four hours. Stressing about whether I'd run out of gas or not, I made it back to Newberg in time to get gas. Picked up the car pool kids. Opened the trunk to put their instruments in. The trunk wouldn't re-latch. Got out in the rain and did car surgery and hoped it would stay shut.

Dropped all the girls off. Brought Katie home for a very quick snack before taking her to piano lessons. Opened the garage door to mass chaos in the garage. Now there was not only the knocked over chicken feed that we hadn't had time to clean up from the dog's last escapade. Now there was added to that a shredded coke box, a shredded basket all over the floor, shredded plastic bags that used to hold empty pop cans, empty pop cans, Christmas lights (?), and a whole bunch of other stuff strewn about the area she could reach from her leash. Argh. It looked like a tornado had been through there. Seriously.

Fortunately, things began to look up a little from there. Got the girls off to piano, and Natalie to a friend's house. That gave me a half hour to breathe, and to write. And shoot, there's still lots of hours left in this day to bring it around. Just thought y'all might enjoy a little dose of the occasional hairy day in the Kisling home. :)

On the bright side, I loved visiting with my Aunt Pam, and I went to visit my neighbor whose husband died last month. Wouldn't you know I left her house encouraged, when I had hoped to be the one to encourage her. :) And my three girl chickies are always a bright spot in my day. (Haven't seen the boy yet today.) Here's hoping for a good evening! :)

And I guess we'll just have salad and bread and butter with the roast tonight. I'll get potatoes and carrots for tomorrow night. Oh... and I found the water bottle in the car. :)

Gifts #102 - 200

I am so loving this Fall weather! The cooler weather makes me want to bake, so I've got Poppy Seed Bread in the oven, the laundry is going, and my motivatedmoms.com chore list for today says to spend time on a craft or hobby, so here I am spending time on one of my hobbies, my blog.

I've continued in my quest for finding little gifts in every day. It's fun! And I love how the seasons of the year and of life offer new things to be thankful for along the way. There is always something fresh to thank the Lord for, and I even try to thank him for the things He gives that aren't necessarily pleasant. So here's more of my list.....

102. Fresh, free garden veggies given by friends.
103. Birthday dinner and a game of Ticket to Ride with Kevin.
104. Home made ice cream.
105. A new "mom" who cares enough to make home made sorbet for my dairy free girls.
106. An excellent report at REACH.
107. Predawn sky - deep periwinkle blue.
108. A visit with Becky at the pool.
109. A visit with Kristi at the park.
110. Coupons!
111. Saving $75 dollars on shoes for 4 kids.
112. People who read my blog. :)
113. Katie's happiness over her 1st babysitting job.
114. Rosie and Isabelle working out a conflict beautifully.
115. A house for the Donaldson's
116. The way God alone orchestrated the events and timing for the Donaldson's new home.
117. Jeana's happy willingness to paint my dresser.
118. A spontaneous evening drop in visit from Dad and Mary.
119. Pretty pink petunias in a cobalt blue pot.
120. A fresh coat of blue paint in my bedroom.
121. Good conversation with Reid on the phone last night. (He was out of town.)
122. Mug with cheery cherries on it.
123. Nattie's contagious, crinkly eyed smile.
124. Rosie's graceful ways.
125. Katie's generous and compassionate heart.
126. Cam's loyal steady ways.
127. The Lord's care, protection and character building in the lives of our children.
128. The smell of garlic while dinner's cooking.
129. REACH - Charlie and Conceicau.
130. The taste and feel of popping a sun warmed cherry tomato in my mouth straight from the vine.
131. Dinner and a movie with girlfriends.
132. Kids enjoying their time with "Uncle" Charlie.
133. A headache. (God wants us to be thankful for everything, right? Not just the flowery good stuff!)
134. His provision and care of our family.
135. New colored gel pens.
136. Preparations for a new school year.
137. Motivated Moms chore lists.
138. The smell of fabric softener outside the laundry room window.
139. My cleaning jobs.
140. That the brokenness of the piano was just a pencil that was stuck! (To think I didn't even check for that for over six months! *sigh*)
141. People out walking at dusk - all over the neighborhood, enjoying the warm summer evening.
142. Calendars with big squares.
143. Old, yucky carpet. (I don't have to worry about it! )
144. A new organization system. (Hope it works!)
145. My Bible.
146. Girls that stay up late talking. (Even though it frustrates me because they are cranky the next day.)
147. Cleaned off kitchen counters.
148. Smooth legs. :)
149. Parents who live close by.
150. Another woman to share my dad's life, and to be in our lives.
151. Fresh blackberries!
152. Blackberry stained lips and fingers on the girls who picked the berries.
153. Rhubarb from my mother-in-law's garden. Lots of it!
154. One of Mom's old journals - only a few pages written in - 1st page about talking to me while I was pregnant with Rosalie.
155. Bringing that journal home to continue the legacy. (Which would work better if I'd actually write in it!)
156. Talking with Dad about Mom.
157. Excited teens exploring the High School, getting ready for 9th grade.
158. Playing worship music with Becky while the kids play Animalopoly.
159. Becky's gift of groceries.
160. Blackberry pie.
161. Rhubarb crisp.
162. My husband's leadership.
163. Blogging.
164. The library!
165. Our visit to Friendsview Retirement community.
166. Our sweet kids - patient and kind at Friendsview.
167. Mopped kitchen floor.
168. Beautiful gladiolas on my kitchen table - a gift from Reid.
169. New beginnings - a new sport, a new school year, a new friendship.... all kinds!
170. Louise Madson - lively, wonderful 80 something year old.
171. Time with Jeana.
172. Freshly painted dresser and mirror - with Jeana's help.
173. Free paint to paint the dresser with.
174. New knobs - free! - for the dresser.
175. Bickering kids - teaches me patience, teaches them how to talk through and work out conflict.
176. The beauty and peace of the vineyard next to our house.
177. The smell of Pine-Sol and fresh clean floors.
178. Pay day!
179. The freedom in a budget.
180. That Reid is a fix-it kind of guy who knows how to fix almost anything.
181. A great 1st day of school for all the kids.
182. Friends for Katie in her classes.
183. A confident Cameron.
184. That Rosalie likes her teacher.
185. A sweet bunch of girls in Natalie's class.
186. Time alone with Katie after school.
187. Park time with the school moms. Yay!
188. Fun time helping Cam study - laughing with him at goofy things the sisters say.
189. A good fight with Reid - resolved conflict, talked through feelings.
190. Homemade goodies to put in the school lunches.
191. New soft cozy slippers.
192. New lipstick.
193. 1st day of school pictures.
194. A full refrigerator.
195. The mowed yard (no more tall dandelions here and there!)
196. Carpools!
197. Water Polo - fun to learn a new sport.
198. A wandering, pondering walk through Costco with no time restraints.
199. Walking Rosalie and Natalie to school.
200. New book bags, lunch boxes, school supplies - all fresh and ready for a new school year.

The First Day Of School

Ahh, the first day of school.... The anticipation, the nerves, the excitement, the wonder of it all. I love the first day of school - the promise of a new beginning, the expectation of things to come, and wondering what it will be like this year. The kids all had different perspectives and I thought it would be fun to look back some day and see what they thought on this first day of school in 2011. So here it is....

Cameron..

Excited. A freshman! Ready. Confident. Sure of where his classes are, how to get there. Remembers his locker combo already. Asks for help to straighten his hair because it's picture day. Chooses to wear his old tennis shoes instead of his new ones, because the old ones match his outfit better. ( Is this my son?! :) ) I can't wait to hear how his first day of high school goes! I pray it's good!



Katie....

Excited to see her friends. Apprehensive, because it seems none of her friends have the same lunch period. Sad that few of her friends seem to be in her same classes. Glad to be a 7th grader now. Can't wait for band! Still somewhat excited and looking forward to school. Waiting to see what God has for her this year. For her, I look forward to hearing how God will use her and bless her and surprise her in ways she least expects.



Rosalie...

Excited to see her friends. Sad that only one of her closest 5 buddies is in her class. More confident than last year. Wearing her favorite pink, sparkly, ruffly skirt. Loves her new book bag. Packing her own lunch this year she says. Ready to take on the new school year.




Natalie....

Easy going Nattie. Cheerful and ready to go. Glad to have the teacher she wanted - because it's different than who Rosalie had. :) A little pouty because the boy she will be sitting next to "like liked" her last year and bothers her. :) Forgot to brush her teeth! Oops! :) Excited to be with friends and ready to learn.





Reid...

Stayed home from early morning men's group at church to help with the first day of school happenings. Then took Katie to school and now off to work. Love him! :)

Me...

Missing the kids already, but happy to be back into a routine. Ready to take on the new year. Dying to know what's happening in each kid's life right at this minute!! Can't wait to hear about the first day of school. Now it's time to finish the morning chore checklist, then off to Costco for me.

The Journal

Two of my friends have recently posted blog stories about the lives of certain inanimate objects. They are more savvy than I, and know how to post names in their blog that lead to a link that connects you to that person's blog. Like if they typed "Carrie" it would be a different color and if you clicked on it, it would take you to my blog. Since I don't know how to do that, I'll just tell you that it is Becky and Jeana that have inspired me to write the story of..... The Journal. So here it is...

Once upon a time there was a beautiful spiral bound journal. It was full of lined pages just waiting to receive a story. A woman who loved beautiful things and loved to journal fell in love with the beautiful journal and bought it for her very own.



She started writing in it one day, just relating the happenings of the day, even wondering on paper if she would be the faithful writer that she desired to be. She wrote of talking with her daughter on the phone, in far away Texas. The beautiful journal was very happy. It loved keeping memories for this wonderful lady. It loved the warm feeling of her hand on it's pages as she wrote. And it was proud to bear such beautiful handwriting in it's pages, in purple ink that matched the lines on the pages.



Not long after that first entry, the woman joined her family on a trip to Nebraska. Her dad, her husband, her children and grandchildren and her siblings were on this trip. They visited many memorable sights from the father's growing up years, saw the old homestead, where he went to school, where he met his wife (their mother) and many more places that the father remembered; and were meaningful to the family with Native American heritage. The woman recorded many of the stories the father told, writing details of the family's history in the pages of the journal. Oh what joy to contain a lifetime of memories, the history of a family! The journal was very pleased and proud to be a part of this family's heritage keeping.

Well, life happened, and the beautiful journal got set aside after the trip to Nebraska. The woman and her husband eventually moved to be nearer to the rest of their family, and the beautiful journal was placed on a bookshelf in the woman's new bedroom. The daughter became the housekeeper for her parents and on occasion would read some of the woman's journal entries as she dusted.

Time moved on, and the wonderful woman died, making her writings in the journal all the more precious to the daughter. The daughter decided she might like to have the journal, to pick up where the wonderful woman left off, and start recording her own daily happenings in the beautiful journal's pages. The woman's husband requested that the pages with the woman's writing be torn out before the daughter took the journal to her house, thinking how wonderful it would be to make a scrap book of the family history writings. The daughter did a naughty thing then. She tore out the Nebraska trip pages as requested by her father, but left in the first page.... the part about the wonderful woman's conversation with her back when she had lived in Texas and was pregnant with baby number three. (Shhh! Please don't tell my dad! :) )

The journal was sad to lose the story of the family's history, but understood that it's pages would not be forgotten, but instead copied several times and put into a place of honor to be passed on to the woman's children and grandchildren someday. And secretly, it was pleased to keep at least one little remnant of the wonderful woman's writing.

And now the beautiful journal sits beside the bed of the daughter, ready and waiting to feel the warmth of her hand as she writes in its pages of the happenings of her life and the life of her family. Ready to bear the handwriting that is not quite so elegant as the mother's but bear's a resemblance even so.

101 gifts (My version of the "One Thousand Gifts" book)

A while back I started reading a book called "One Thousand Gifts". You've probably heard of it, or even read it. Well, I read about half of it, but honestly, I just don't do that well with non-fiction. I know, terrible confession. But it's true. I rarely make it through all of a non-fiction book. Anyway, the premise of the book stuck with me. Basically, it's to focus on the gifts God has put in our lives - tiny ones to huge ones, and doing so helps us live a life of gratitude, which helps us be more thoughtful, more focused on God, less gripey and complainy, and hopefully opens our eyes to the wonder of God all around us each and every day. The author recommends writing down a handful of blessings every day, and eventually you get to 1,000. Then it's time to start over and do another 1,000. I haven't been very diligent in getting to 1,000, but over the last several months, I have compiled a list of 100 or so (got a ways to go to reach 1,000!!)and my blog is a perfect place to record those blessings. I started in March, skipped some time from May through July, and am back at it. So here goes....

1. A 14 year old boy who still likes to be tucked in.
2. Kitten and Dog morning greetings.
3. Flannel pj's, old and soft.
4. Robin's egg blue.
5. The quiet of morning.
6. The smell of freshly brewed coffee.
7. Anticipation of a day at Aunt Pam's.
8. Faithful old Sally-car.
9. Yellow kitchen and cherry valances.
10. A living room messy with life.
11. A yellow mug that says "Each day is a gift from God."
12. Coffee and a visit with Aunt Pam.
13. Little birdies with red wings and white breasts on the hedge.
14. Fat brown squirrel on a cement block.
15. Bright purple azaleas.
16. The promise of Spring.
17. Sunshine in the afternoon, warm on my skin.
18. Kids laughing and playing at the park.
19. Friends and chatting while the kids play.
20. Laura's message about keeping Katie while we go to Haiti.
21. Family time - relaxed, not rushed - around the dinner table.
22. Being called "Aunt Carrie" by Joseph.
23. Conversation with Katie about being nervous for the track meet.
24. Talking for an hour with my love.
25. Planning a menu with my love.
26. An achy body to remind me that I worked hard and am able to work hard.
27. Primroses peeking out of shadows.
28. Making muffins with Rosie.
29. A mommy sandwich with Rosie and Nattie crusts.
30. An evening at home.
31. Cleaning out the car - the whole family.
32. Girly giggles - both the fake ones and the real ones.
33. Lunch and fellowship with friends.
34. Talking with Katie girl about womanhood.
35. A son who does his work diligently and thoroughly.
36. A car that has served us well, met our needs for the last 10 years.
37. The opportunity to share that car with those who need it in Haiti.
38. Instrumental hymns playing on Pandora.
39. Handwriting that looks like Mom's.
40. Kitten peeking over the table top.
41. A husband who loves the Lord.
42. Sun rising in the cloudless blue.
43. Bright eyed, smiling little girl with "high up" ponytail. (Nattie)
44. Shopping and lunch with friends.
45. The reason for the shopping trip - bridal shower gift for future "Mary-mom".
46. Birds chirping in the quiet of morning.
47. Ticking clock - always steady, always sure.
48. The promise of starting over in a new day.
49. Wind blowing my hair wild through the open car window.
50. Setting sun shining on golden tall grasses.
51. Happy children swimming in Aunt Pam's pool.
52. A swimsuit I really actually like!
53. Prayers and dinner as a family.
54. Sunkissed cheeks and little noses.
55. A bed that's made.
56. The smell of Reid.
57. My new family/friends in Haiti.
58. Being up before everyone else.
59. Music!
60. Golden fields of wheat.
61. Bride and Groom. (Josh and Ashley)
62. Dancing whirling little girls.
63. A ride home with Rhonda.
64. Single perfect rose in sunshine.
65. Angels who cleaned my house top to bottom, including every speck of laundry done
while I was away in Haiti.
66. Air conditioning.
67. A new bed frame.
68. Blue and turquoise cotton pajama pants.
69. Clucking chickens.
70. Saturdays!
71. Warm summer air.
72. A clean house - thanks to my friends!
73. Rearranged laundry room that feels more spacious.
74. My handy hubby who spent time extending the washing machine hoses so that I could move the washing machine to a better location.
75. Fun pens.
76. Pictures- snapshots of life and special events.
77. My Haiti experience.
78. My Haiti friends.
79. Little girls' polka dotted toe nails.
80. Blossoming beauty in my Katie girl.
81. Watching my kids interact with little Gabriel.
82. Delicious gluten free goodies from a bakery near my friend's house.
83. Time with Rhonda and Steve.
84. Coffee and quiet in the mornings.
85. Son's face lit up, holding the fish he caught.
86. Playing Quiddler with friends.
87. Crazy antics of Tiger the kitten.
88. Loyal loving dog at the foot of my chair.
89. Roses! Beautiful and fragrant.
90. Growing tomatoes in the front yard.
91. A few moments alone in the middle of the day.
92. Waking to the smell of coffee - which means Reid was mindful of me this morning.
93. Being home after a short trip.
94. Sleeping in our own bed after a trip.
95. New school supplies.
96. Paper and pencil.
97. Sun streaming into the kitchen where I sit.
98. Fresh eggs from our chickens.
99. Motivated Moms task lists.
100. Friends!
101. Water Polo coach full of praise for the boy after the first day.

OK, it may have been tedious for you to read through this list, but I sure enjoyed revisiting all those blessings, big and small, mostly the small ones. :) Makes me look forward to continuing on - maybe even all the way to 1,000!

Haiti

People keep asking me if going to Haiti was a life changing experience for me. And I keep wondering if something is wrong with me because it wasn't an earth shattering, life altering experience for me. It is more a subtle new awareness I've gained by being there.

I loved being in Haiti. I can't wait to go back, and to take my kids. I miss my brothers and sisters I got to know there, and love that we are connected now, in spirit, in prayer, by phone and email and on facebook. :)

How does one describe in words what it felt like to smell the smells, see the people, ride on the street, feel the heat, end the day sweaty, dusty, hot, but filled? To be served and to serve? I can't put it into words eloquently, but I will try to relay a taste of what I experienced and came away with.

Much of our time was spent at the home of the St. Gelus family. Pastor Riccardo and his wife Misselaine have a vibrant ministry in Port Au Prince. They pour themselves and their resources into serving the people around them. It was such a blessing to be with them, to see their passion and love for people and for God. Our team put running water and solar power and appliances into their house. No more outhouse. No more outdoor water pump. No more cooler full of ice to cool things. Hello toilet, shower, kitchen sink, washing machine. Hello ceiling fans, dryer, and refrigerator. Things we just expect to have in our houses in America. God used us to bless them, so that they can be even further equipped and freed up to bless others. And that blessed us.

Riccardo and Misselaine are wonderful, humble people. They are content. They work hard. They have 6 great kids. :) I learned from them to remember that our joy, our contentment comes from Christ and in serving Him, and that the weather, my old ratty carpet with matted spots and a rip or two, my weedy yard, and many other "inconveniences" aren't worth complaining about.

Time was slower in Haiti. It seemed that we spent a lot of time trying to get from one place to another, just trying to buy supplies, eating :) and spending time with people. But you know what? Everything we set out to accomplish got done. And more! After about the third day, I stopped stressing about what time it was, and how we were going to spend the time we had, and just let myself go with the flow and be flexible. And I was always surprised at how much time seemed to be in each day! Coming home, that means not always rushing around trying to get my tasks done before I spend time with my family and friends, and realizing that everything will get done in time. And it does. :) People should often be a higher priority than tasks, though practically speaking there must be time for tasks too.

I loved spending time with the kids at Vacation Bible School. I loved playing with Emannuel and Rothschild (Riccardo and Misselaine's youngest two) and their cousins and friends. I loved riding around and laughing and talking with Jerry (their son) and Reggie, a family friend. They translated for us and drove us all over the place. I loved having long talks with Lindel, the neighbor teen who also translated for us. He was so hungry for learning and knowledge - a sponge. I loved sitting with Misselaine, even though we were unable to converse much because of the language barrier. She is very dear to my heart. I loved hearing Riccardo talk of his dreams for ministry, and seeing him interact with all of us, and all of the people that were always in and out of his house. I loved trying new fruits and foods. I loved visiting the kids in the orphanage. I loved getting a taste of Palto's life (their son who lives here in Newberg now and goes to our church.) I loved being there with my Dad, seeing him be God's hands and feet. I loved watching my husband preach while Riccardo interpreted, and seeing him serve in this country. I loved the unity of our team, and getting to know the other 11 members of our team even better than I knew them before. I loved riding through the streets and seeing all the people. I loved being about the only white people in a huge city. I loved being surrounded by children speaking Creole and trying to learn some of their language. I was fascinated by the traffic and the roads, how the people live, the tent cities, the street markets. I was saddened to see the destruction from the earth quake, the garbage filling the sidewalks and streets, the thousands of displaced people trying to get by day to day.

I'm not sure when we'll get to go back, but I know we will. And I look forward to it with an eager heart. Eager to see God do more amazing things. Eager to serve. Eager to bless and be blessed. And most of all, eager to spend more time with the family and friends I fell in love with there.

Entering New Territory

When Cameron was just a few weeks old, a lady who's children were grown came up to me at church one day and said "Just think, some day he'll have a deep voice and facial hair." I was a little irritated at the time, him being my first tiny little one, and me enjoying all the newness of a baby. :)

But guess what? She was right! :) At 14, his voice hasn't changed quite yet, and the facial hair is minimal, but it's coming. And he's a couple of inches taller than I am. Already at 5'11", I'm sure he'll be passing up Reid in just a few more months!

Lately it seems we've had to loosen our grip more than I am ready for, and it's happening fast. First came the night he asked "Mom, when am I allowed to ask someone to go out with me?" Uh-oh, here we go! (By the way, we decided it was alright, as long as he agrees to the parameters we set for him.)

Today, he rode his bike to the park to meet up with his friends. No big deal, right? Well, this park happens to be in Newberg, a whole 3 or so miles away. Still no big deal, right? The big deal is that in order to get there, he had to ride 2 miles along the side of Highway 99, just feet away from zooming cars and trucks. YIKES! I was a little nervous about it, but he arrived safely and called to check in once he got there. Besides, it's Saturday afternoon, and traffic is pretty tame at this time of day.

Sigh. Why do they have to grow up so fast? And why do we have to enter these new waters, inexperienced and fumbling our way through each new stage of a child's life? I have a feeling we are on the brink of some of the harder years, where the decisions we make and what we choose to allow or disallow is of a greater magnitude than ever before. I have a feeling that the letting go a little at a time is going to be oh so hard, and yet could be oh so sweet.

I love watching my children grow up and become young adults. They are becoming such wonderful young people! I just wish there was a way to know how to navigate these new waters with the kind of wisdom and grace that will bring them through safely, with maturity, confidence and most importantly, living lives that glorify God. Guess we have to leave that to the Lord, and just do the best we know how.

Here's my young man, then and now.

"I'll Have My Peace 'to go', Please"

It seems that as the kids get older, life speeds up. Oh how I wish it wasn't so! I want to be able to take time to savor the little moments of everyday life, to really be able to take notice of and enjoy the seemingly insignificant, mundane happenings in the life of our family. For much of this year I have prayed for time, good use of time, more time, better discipline with my time, etc. Slowly over the last couple of months I have come to a realization. No matter how I strive for more time or better organization and discipline with my time, or ask the Lord to help me in these areas, I think He wants me to learn to find my peace in Him, not in a controlled and "peaceful" life. Let's face it. Life just ain't gonna slow down much for a while!

My peace should not come from my ability to control my schedule. Peace does not equal more time, or a slower, less crowded schedule. I mean, really, when one has 4 children and a pastor husband, it's pretty unrealistic to expect a calendar with more than a few bare squares, especially toward the end of the school year. And it's not because I have my kids signed up for everything under the sun, either! It's just the regular stuff of life like orthodontist appointments, piano lessons, and a sport or two, combined with band concerts, trips out of town and other usual stuff. I keep thinking "After THIS, things will slow down. Oh... wait, next is THIS. Ok, well, after THIS things will slow down. Oh... wait, next is THIS." And so on and so on. So if I cannot find peace by slowing down, or making sure I have enough alone time, or enough days at home to make sure I'm caught up with laundry and housekeeping, how am I going to keep my sanity?

Now maybe this is a no-brainer for some folks, but it's been a slow lesson for me to learn. My peace can only come from the Lord. Only in Him is true peace. True peace is not dependent on a slower pace of life, or making sure I get time to myself, or even having a clean uncluttered house. (I certainly wouldn't mind having those things contribute to my peace though!) John 14:27 says "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." Philippians 4:6 and 7 says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." I like what my Bible notes say about that Philippians verse. It says "God's peace is different from the world's peace. True peace is not found in positive thinking, in absence of conflict, or in good feelings. (Or in my own ability to control my life.) It comes from knowing that God is in control."

But still, how do I actually get to this place of peace? Well, I think I'm learning. I must stay connected to my Lord throughout my day. I must live out of a place of communion with Him. When I have this, I can live out of a thankful heart, too. And the funny thing is, when I live with Him right beside me, praying that He is my peace, I tend to be more aware of those seemingly insignificant, mundane happenings in the life of our family, and can enjoy them much more than when I am striving to control my circumstances and schedule on my own. Now, if I could just practice what I preach! :)

My Facebook Ponderings

Facebook. Friend or foe? Good or bad? Addiction? Lack of discipline or lack of trust? These are the thoughts floating around in my head lately. Don't get me wrong. This is just a personal thing. I'm not judging anyone else's use of facebook. I rather enjoy it myself. But....

Back in February I decided I needed to take a break from Facebook. I was just spending way too much valuable time on it. I'd check it first thing in the morning. I'd check it every single time there was a comment on my page. I'd check it almost every time I walked through the room. I'd check my Scrabble and Word Twist games several times a day to see if it might be my turn yet. It was filling a void in my days, and keeping me from spending time on important things like the tasks and relationships within my home.

I thought I'd take a break for a few weeks. Well, that has turned into a few months. I really haven't missed it as much as I thought I might. But I do miss the connection with friends both far and near. Life has been very full, and I honestly don't know how I did have time for all that facebooking I was doing. But now I find that things are slowing down a bit. And I have run into a few old Facebook friends lately that say they miss me on there. And I find myself wondering if I could handle just a little bit of facebook here and there. I am actually a little afraid. Am I lying to myself to think that I could have the discipline to monitor my use wisely? After all, I couldn't manage it a few months ago. Is it a matter of self discipline or a matter of trusting God to fill my voids and trusting Him to give me the strength and discipline to use it wisely? Do I treat it as a temptation? Aren't we supposed to run from temptation, not put ourselves in it's path? I don't know the answer to all that, quite honestly. I'm thinking and praying about it. This may sound like I'm making a bigger deal out of it than I need to. But for me, it is a big deal. I'm not sure what I will end up doing. Maybe I'll wait a while longer. Maybe not. Maybe I won't go back at all. Sheesh, I just don't know.....

(Such a random post after not posting for two months! Oh well. :) )

Snippets of a Katie-girl's Life

(Written a couple of weeks ago....)

Yesterday morning she wandered down bleary eyed, barely awake. She took her usual waking up spot on the kitchen floor in front of the heater. I gave her a mug of "kid coffee" to help her open her eyes a little bit. In a sleepy not so little anymore voice she said "Mom, I have this song in my head. I think I remember it from Dallas. Do you know what it is?" And she hummed a few notes. It was "Lord I Lift Your Name on High". It was her very favorite song when she was four years old. She would sing it all the time. Sometimes she stood on our little plastic kid table in the middle of the living room, her flowery sundress swaying as she moved and sang. Her little girl voice would waver and crack when the notes got a little high, but she sang it with all her heart, motions and all. And now here she sits, on the very precipice of womanhood, still so much a little girl, but growing more every day into a beautiful young woman. I love watching her grow and mature, but I wish there was some way to capture the moments lost, the little girl in the flowery dress singing her heart out. I had forgotten about her favorite song when she was four.

Tonight I watched her play her oboe in the band concert, a look of concentration on her face, counting out the beats, playing her best. But then I saw it. The little girl still there. When the song was finished, she searched out my face in the crowd, and gave me a big, happy smile. What a joy she is!









Isn't she a beauty? :)

Ready to Grow.....(I think)

As a follower of Jesus Christ, it is common to pray for spiritual growth, or for God to grow a person's faith in Him. I have prayed that kind of prayer often in my life. That is up until Mom got sick with Leukemia. I thought I wanted to grow in my faith, but not like that. "Lord, I want to grow, but do you have to take my Mom?" (As if it is all about me! :) ) So I haven't prayed for spiritual growth since she died. Underneath it all, I do really want to grow closer to God, to have my faith grow deeper, but on the surface, I don't want to experience pain in order to do it. Not that growth always means pain! Lately I've seen how faith can grow by the testimony of God's goodness in the lives of those around me.

Take my Dad and his soon to be bride. :) (Yep! For those of you who didn't know, Dad is getting married in May to a wonderful lady named Mary.) I see how God has orchestrated many things to bring about this marriage, and the goodness and faithfulness of God leaves me shaking my head in awestruck wonder at it all and how it has come together. So it has grown my faith in the goodness of God, and how much he cares for us, His children, and how I can trust Him.

Of course I understand that God didn't take my Mom home just to cause us pain here on earth, but there is a new depth in my closeness with Him, and a new depth and passion for Him in my dad as a result of walking this painful road. He has used even the pain of losing my mom and best girlfriend to grow me into a deeper, better person.. a person better able to serve Him, more equipped to minister to others around me.

Recently I feel I have been through a time of rest and restoration. I had the privilege of attending a day of prayer at our church that was very rich, and was able to attend a women's retreat with my aunt's church where my other aunt was the speaker. What fun to spend time with my mom's sisters and my cousins, and what a blessing to hear my Aunt speak and watch my family at work in ministry! And to rest in the safety of a group of women with common faith.

Most recently, I attended our church women's retreat. Oh what glorious teaching and wonderful worship! And more learning about God's goodness and how we can trust Him. It was a wonderful finale to what felt like a month of being bathed in His Word, His care, His love, and His divine plans. As a result of this month long blessing from the Father, I felt I was finally ready to pray for growth again, knowing that it doesn't have to mean something traumatic must happen, and having seen how the goodness of God also produces growth, and knowing that I can trust Him to always bring good from every circumstance (Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.)

So, I prayed that God would grow my faith in Him. Well, guess what. God is giving me a new opportunity to grow my faith and trust in Him. It didn't take Him long to grant that request! :) Our church is putting together a small group of people to travel to Haiti in July, to partner with a pastor there and do mission work. Everything from helping at an orphanage to construction, to just blessing the pastor's family to pastor training for the pastors of new churches down there. Reid is going on this trip for sure, and I am invited to go as well. Let me rephrase that. God is calling me to go as well. So here's what rolls through my mind..... "What?! Me! You know I hate hot, humid weather. And yeah, I suppose I could deal with the weather, but how can I leave my kids for two weeks?! Especially with their food allergies and stuff! And what if something happens to Reid and me while we're there? Huh?! Who will love my kids the way we do!? Who would take in all four of them so they wouldn't be split up?" Tap. Tap. Tap. "Carrie, do you trust Me? Don't I love your children even more than you do? Do you trust me?" "But, Lord, is it even OK to leave one's children for that length of time? I grew up with this value that you just don't leave your kids behind except for a very occasional short time, like an anniversary weekend or something. What do I do with that?!" "Obey My call, and I will take care of all the details, calm your fears and give you peace." "Really, Lord? It's that simple?" ...........

So Tuesday, I wrestled with this all day long. In the morning, my prayer group ladies prayed for me, that God would show me what He would want me to do. By Tuesday night, I had decided I MIGHT be able to handle going for one week. At our small group that night, I asked if my friends could please pray for me in this. My friend Fawn prayed in such a perfect way. I don't even remember what she said, but I remember feeling that she knew exactly where I was coming from, and what I needed in prayer.

Along with all the prayers, I had to laugh at the way God was speaking into this situation. On Monday night I worked through my Bible study lesson for Tuesday morning. The last question was "What would be the hardest thing for you to give up?" The answer (no brainer, here - my family). Tuesday morning as I was talking with Reid about his early morning men's group, he told me one of their key questions of the morning was "What is God calling you to do that you are afraid of?" (Ummm, go on a trip to Haiti and leave my children behind?) And then on the radio Wednesday morning, I heard Larry Crab ask the audience what idols they have in their lives that they need to give up (Ummm, maybe my family?). Wow. Hammered! :) And Wednesday night as I met with the Women's leadership team for church, I asked if it was OK to leave one's children for 2 weeks to go on a mission trip. They all looked at me with serious, emphatic, big eyeball looks and nodded vigorously "Yes!" Oh, and get this.... I received an email from the mom of one of Cam's friends asking if he would be able to go on a houseboat trip to Shasta Lake with their family the week of July 10th, which happens to be the first week of the Haiti trip. Hmmm! :)

Somewhere between Sunday evening (when this all started) and Thursday morning, the peace I was seeking slowly filled me. It's amazing, really. Complete and utter peace. And I knew that I was supposed to say "yes" to this. Not just for one week, but for two. And I am no longer fearful or worried about who will take care of the kids while we're gone. Several people have already offered, and I am confident that the Lord will work out all the other details. And my more logical side is thinking that we will be fine and safe and come home and live happily ever after with our family and it will be just fine.

So I have experienced two forms of spiritual growth over the last couple of years that have had a big impact. Growth through pain and grief and growth through seeing the goodness and trustworthiness of God. And now I am going to experience growth in a new way - through the challenges of preparing and going on a mission trip to Haiti. And I'm excited!!! :)

One last thing. If you think of it, pray for the kids. They are good with me being gone for one week, even excited about it. But they are not so sure they can handle it for two weeks. I'm hoping to gradually warm them up to the idea. :) Oh, and also, I'm sure I've been experiencing some levels of growth in my daily walk with the King, but these examples are the huge ones that seem to intensify my growth beyond the daily experience.

One Year

Dear Mom,
One year ago today, you left this broken land for a beautiful, Holy, joy-filled Christ-centered existence. All your cares and worries, your weary body, your hurts, your pains were replaced with rejoicing and newness. Wow. I'm jealous. :) I long for the day when we here on earth will join you. But I know that God is not done with me here yet. If His purposes for my life were fulfilled, I would not still be here.

Don't get me wrong. I love it here. It is beautiful, as much as I know beauty. I have precious family and friends and have a wonderful life. But for those of us who believe and know Jesus, there will always be a hunger for or longing for our true home, our Father, and the loved ones who have gone before us to be with Him.

I saw a quote on Facebook yesterday. It said "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss said it. It sounds like something you would say. You used to say "Now that's enough! You put your smiles on!" :) And I've been thinking about it too. I don't want to dwell in the place of if only's and I wish's. Instead I want to dwell in a place of thanksgiving and joy. I am so thankful that I had such a wonderful mother for 38 1/2 years! And even more thankful that you were not just my mom but also my closest girlfriend. There is much to be grateful for, and it is a balm to the ache in my heart.

In the time since you've been gone, my eyes and heart have been opened to the many other wonderful girlfriends God has surrounded me with, from your sisters and my cousins, to the mom's of my kids' friends, to my church friends and even neighbors. God has caused me to see the richness all around me. Also, and very precious to me, has been the realization (not the "ah-ha!" kind, but the "fulfillment of a desire" kind) that my own daughters can be my close friends as well (Cam, too). (This assumes that the reader understands that Reid is my very closest friend next to Jesus. Also, Dad has become even more precious a friend. There's just something different about girlfriends. Girls just need other girls. :) )

At the same time, I have these confused thoughts... Like, why should today be more sad than yesterday or the day before or the day before that? Why does your absence seem more pronounced today just because it is the one year mark? Should it feel different? It does. Why? I guess it's because we are bound by time. We mark time. One year is a milestone of sorts. "I have survived one whole year without my mom!" "So much has happened in the year since Mom died." I remember the events of that day, the people who were there, what the kids did that day, even what we ate for dinner. :) (Weird - we had the same dinner tonight without my planning it. Enchiladas. Yum.) How it felt to be with you when you breathed your last breath. The earthquake in Haiti. (I like to say that Heaven was rumbling with rejoicing at your coming home. :) )

I don't have the greatest memory. I don't remember details the way you did. Sometimes I wish I did, sometimes I'm glad I don't. But I don't like feeling like the little details that were you are fading just a little in my memory. I know you will always be a part of me. How could you not?! But I wish I could pick up the phone to your cheery greeting still, that I could hear your voice, listen to your laugh, have you tell one more squirrel story to the kids. And dang if I don't wish I could ask your advice with some of these parenting things! You were always so good about that! And I miss your encouraging ways, our little games we would play together to motivate ourselves to get housework done, the way you could pull me out of a pity party and make me instead count my blessings. Guess that's what I'd better do now. :)

Blessings: (Just a few...)

• I have an awesome husband and children.
• I have a wonderful Dad who lives just up the hill
• Because of your leaving, we have spent more time with Kevin and Mark and his family, and it's fun getting to be with them more. The kids have such a great time, and we adults are developing deeper relationships, too.
• I am the child of a God who comforts me through His Word, through friends and family, and through His Spirit.
• I had a wonderful childhood, with a great family and extended family that is very close knit.
• I had an amazing Mom/friend to grow up with and enjoy.
• God has always provided for our family above and beyond our expectations.

We closed out today up at Dad's house. We watched the digital picture frame slide show that Kev put together for Dad a year ago. The pictures started when you were a baby and went all the way through your last days. Then Dad lit a candle and prayed. It was very special and a perfect way to honor you and thank God for the gift of you in our lives. Oh - we ended the evening with brownies and ice cream. I'm sure you approve. :)

I love you, Mom. Thanks for all you were and are to me.