Ready to Grow.....(I think)

As a follower of Jesus Christ, it is common to pray for spiritual growth, or for God to grow a person's faith in Him. I have prayed that kind of prayer often in my life. That is up until Mom got sick with Leukemia. I thought I wanted to grow in my faith, but not like that. "Lord, I want to grow, but do you have to take my Mom?" (As if it is all about me! :) ) So I haven't prayed for spiritual growth since she died. Underneath it all, I do really want to grow closer to God, to have my faith grow deeper, but on the surface, I don't want to experience pain in order to do it. Not that growth always means pain! Lately I've seen how faith can grow by the testimony of God's goodness in the lives of those around me.

Take my Dad and his soon to be bride. :) (Yep! For those of you who didn't know, Dad is getting married in May to a wonderful lady named Mary.) I see how God has orchestrated many things to bring about this marriage, and the goodness and faithfulness of God leaves me shaking my head in awestruck wonder at it all and how it has come together. So it has grown my faith in the goodness of God, and how much he cares for us, His children, and how I can trust Him.

Of course I understand that God didn't take my Mom home just to cause us pain here on earth, but there is a new depth in my closeness with Him, and a new depth and passion for Him in my dad as a result of walking this painful road. He has used even the pain of losing my mom and best girlfriend to grow me into a deeper, better person.. a person better able to serve Him, more equipped to minister to others around me.

Recently I feel I have been through a time of rest and restoration. I had the privilege of attending a day of prayer at our church that was very rich, and was able to attend a women's retreat with my aunt's church where my other aunt was the speaker. What fun to spend time with my mom's sisters and my cousins, and what a blessing to hear my Aunt speak and watch my family at work in ministry! And to rest in the safety of a group of women with common faith.

Most recently, I attended our church women's retreat. Oh what glorious teaching and wonderful worship! And more learning about God's goodness and how we can trust Him. It was a wonderful finale to what felt like a month of being bathed in His Word, His care, His love, and His divine plans. As a result of this month long blessing from the Father, I felt I was finally ready to pray for growth again, knowing that it doesn't have to mean something traumatic must happen, and having seen how the goodness of God also produces growth, and knowing that I can trust Him to always bring good from every circumstance (Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.)

So, I prayed that God would grow my faith in Him. Well, guess what. God is giving me a new opportunity to grow my faith and trust in Him. It didn't take Him long to grant that request! :) Our church is putting together a small group of people to travel to Haiti in July, to partner with a pastor there and do mission work. Everything from helping at an orphanage to construction, to just blessing the pastor's family to pastor training for the pastors of new churches down there. Reid is going on this trip for sure, and I am invited to go as well. Let me rephrase that. God is calling me to go as well. So here's what rolls through my mind..... "What?! Me! You know I hate hot, humid weather. And yeah, I suppose I could deal with the weather, but how can I leave my kids for two weeks?! Especially with their food allergies and stuff! And what if something happens to Reid and me while we're there? Huh?! Who will love my kids the way we do!? Who would take in all four of them so they wouldn't be split up?" Tap. Tap. Tap. "Carrie, do you trust Me? Don't I love your children even more than you do? Do you trust me?" "But, Lord, is it even OK to leave one's children for that length of time? I grew up with this value that you just don't leave your kids behind except for a very occasional short time, like an anniversary weekend or something. What do I do with that?!" "Obey My call, and I will take care of all the details, calm your fears and give you peace." "Really, Lord? It's that simple?" ...........

So Tuesday, I wrestled with this all day long. In the morning, my prayer group ladies prayed for me, that God would show me what He would want me to do. By Tuesday night, I had decided I MIGHT be able to handle going for one week. At our small group that night, I asked if my friends could please pray for me in this. My friend Fawn prayed in such a perfect way. I don't even remember what she said, but I remember feeling that she knew exactly where I was coming from, and what I needed in prayer.

Along with all the prayers, I had to laugh at the way God was speaking into this situation. On Monday night I worked through my Bible study lesson for Tuesday morning. The last question was "What would be the hardest thing for you to give up?" The answer (no brainer, here - my family). Tuesday morning as I was talking with Reid about his early morning men's group, he told me one of their key questions of the morning was "What is God calling you to do that you are afraid of?" (Ummm, go on a trip to Haiti and leave my children behind?) And then on the radio Wednesday morning, I heard Larry Crab ask the audience what idols they have in their lives that they need to give up (Ummm, maybe my family?). Wow. Hammered! :) And Wednesday night as I met with the Women's leadership team for church, I asked if it was OK to leave one's children for 2 weeks to go on a mission trip. They all looked at me with serious, emphatic, big eyeball looks and nodded vigorously "Yes!" Oh, and get this.... I received an email from the mom of one of Cam's friends asking if he would be able to go on a houseboat trip to Shasta Lake with their family the week of July 10th, which happens to be the first week of the Haiti trip. Hmmm! :)

Somewhere between Sunday evening (when this all started) and Thursday morning, the peace I was seeking slowly filled me. It's amazing, really. Complete and utter peace. And I knew that I was supposed to say "yes" to this. Not just for one week, but for two. And I am no longer fearful or worried about who will take care of the kids while we're gone. Several people have already offered, and I am confident that the Lord will work out all the other details. And my more logical side is thinking that we will be fine and safe and come home and live happily ever after with our family and it will be just fine.

So I have experienced two forms of spiritual growth over the last couple of years that have had a big impact. Growth through pain and grief and growth through seeing the goodness and trustworthiness of God. And now I am going to experience growth in a new way - through the challenges of preparing and going on a mission trip to Haiti. And I'm excited!!! :)

One last thing. If you think of it, pray for the kids. They are good with me being gone for one week, even excited about it. But they are not so sure they can handle it for two weeks. I'm hoping to gradually warm them up to the idea. :) Oh, and also, I'm sure I've been experiencing some levels of growth in my daily walk with the King, but these examples are the huge ones that seem to intensify my growth beyond the daily experience.