Twists and Turns

(Disclaimer.... this post is quite lengthy! Skip what you want... I mostly added everything for my own sake of remembrances. :) )

 Life is sure full of twists and turns, especially these days! I just reread the Christmas letter that I wrote for 2019. Ah, 2019 was such a good year! (see letter here..2019 Christmas Letter) Little did I know that just a few months later, life as we knew it would be turned upside down! We all know the challenges that 2020 brought us... missed proms, weird (but good!) graduations, lost sports seasons for the kids, online school, working from home, lost jobs, sickness, changed future plans, not to mention the fires, the long lasting smoke, riots everywhere, tumultuous political environment, etc.. I started a blog post about it, but never finished it. (I purposely didn't post this post, because it could be perceived as being insensitive to others who have suffered greatly because of COVID; experiencing deaths in their families, devastating loss of income, etc. This is just my personal experience, and my personal space to write about my family's experiences with it, so I do hope not to offend anyone, or cause anyone distress. 😳) Here is what I had written...

 Resilience. Strength. Perseverance. Kindness. Generosity. Support. Hope. As I reflect on 2020, these are the themes that return to my mind time and again. Maybe I see the world through rose colored glasses, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. :) I recognize there have been many hardships over the last 12 months, and that almost nobody I know has been untouched by the challenges our nation and world have experienced lately. But look through my rose colored glasses with me for just a bit and see what I see...

I see my children facing many disappointments with resilience, strength and perseverance. These disappointments range from missed proms, a very different graduation, job losses, online school, canceled sports seasons, and more. Yet through it all, they have grown, stayed mostly positive and have persevered. I believe the hard things they have had to experience this last year will make them better people. I believe they will come out of this stronger, with a deeper faith, more compassion, more aware of the sufferings of those around them, better able to empathize, and able to give of themselves to better the world and encourage the people around them.

I see our family spending much more time together, which at times can be challenging :) but most of the time is wonderful. And I see the bonds between the kids, between all of us, growing stronger as we spend more time together, doing home improvement projects, working puzzles, playing games, having movie marathons, cooking together, etc..

I see my friends serving myself and others by providing encouragement and meals when our family was sick with COVID a couple of weeks ago. And I know they have done this for others as well. I see them supporting each other and building each other up with encouragement and help whenever needed.

I see the generosity and kindness of my community as many support the small businesses in my town and help families and organizations in need. 

2020 was a doozy! COVID, losses, fires, and more. I can't say whether 2021 will be better. But I have hope. Hope that humanity can grow in generosity, kindness and strength. Hope that my family can and will continue to thrive and grow in the midst of hardship. Hope that we will all persevere and come out on the other side of all this better people with more to offer to those around us. And above all, I have HOPE. My hope lies in Jesus. He didn't promise us a better world. He didn't promise us prosperity, or safety even, or health. But He did promise that He is with us and will walk with us through whatever we face. 

So much of what was planned for in my 2019 Christmas letter changed! None of the kids went on their mission trips. Rosalie didn't go to Corban, but went instead to a gap year discipleship program. It has been an incredible blessing, and we see God's hand in taking her on that different path. She has grown so much in faith and confidence, has made some wonderful friends, and is very grateful for this experience. She will get to go on that mission trip she was planning on, but it may be to a different location, depending on COVID restrictions in other countries. We're not sure what it looks like yet. What's next for her, we're not sure... but we know it will be just what God has in mind for her, and it will be good.

Cameron hasn't left for France yet, but has been living at home, working and raising support for his year long internship with Greater Europe Missions. It has been so good to have him around! It's been an adjustment for sure, but a good one! :) He hasn't lived at home since he left for college 5 years ago! But I'm so thankful for this time with him, which we would not have had without the year + of COVID. He is on track to leave hopefully in June, depending on COVID restrictions and funding. (If you feel so led, you can support his mission internship here... (Support Cameron's Mission Internship) ) 😉

Katie moved back to Fresno after an extended summer (COVID closures brought her home from college in April. It was soo good to have her home for 4.5 months!) and has attended her senior year of college online, living off campus with 3 of her water polo teammates. Water polo is back in play for her, but on a limited schedule, and with no spectators. While we are so sad to miss watching her play her senior year, we at least get to see some of the games live streamed, which has been nice! She has received word that her graduation will be completely online, so we're not sure what celebrating that will look like. And after graduation, she plans to stay in Fresno, find a job, and hopefully start her master's degree sometime in the next year.

Natalie has been such a trooper! She has done her high school senior year completely online, no sports, no regular job, limited social life, etc.. Some of the perks, though, are being able to work out every day, a trip to Hawaii with her friends (!), and a little bit more laid back schedule. She just this week got a nannying job for a few hours a day, and they are paying her very well. And... she gets to go with them to Hawaii to help with the kids next week! There is no way that would be possible if she was at school, but with online school, she can do her work from anywhere! With all the disappointments of this interesting senior year, we are grateful for her fun experiences, and seeing how the Lord is providing for her. She is planning to go to Fresno Pacific for college in the Fall, and will be playing water polo at FPU. We are happy we will get to continue being part of a water polo family for four more years!

My job at George Fox has been great! I got to work from home the whole time that all the kids were around this summer. I have been given permanent part time status (instead of TEMP) which allows us to have medical, dental and vision coverage. This is a huge blessing, as we had been using a "major medical only" coverage, and will need this coverage moving forward, because....

Reid is in search of a new job! Western Seminary has a new president as of last month, and the new president let Reid know that he is moving in a different direction, and that Reid's position as VP of Student Development and Chief Information Officer is no longer necessary. Those under Reid's leadership will be moved under others, and so here we are... Reid is being compensated through the end of the school year, which will allow us some time to really search out a good fit for him. We have no idea if we will need to move, or get to stay here in our beloved Dundee/ Pacific Northwest.

Rosalie's tuition at Corban was one of the benefits of working at Western, so that no longer exists, which is why we are now wondering what's next for her. (Not sure we can swing the private university cost without big scholarships, or athletic scholarships like the other girls had. Cameron had the advantage of the free tuition at Corban.) We have seen God provide in amazing ways for each of our kids' college education, and so we are hopefully expectant as we wait to see what's possible for her. 

I am not very good at living in limbo :), so God is stretching my faith for sure! Having absolutely no idea what's next is a bit unsettling to say the least! Change is not my favorite. :) And I worry that if we move, my kids will feel like the new place isn't home, and I worry that we might have to move far away, and I mourn that we might not be able to be near extended family, and.... Boy, there are so many swirling thoughts and feelings that come with this change, I can't even... 

But here is what I know. We have been in this place before, and God provided above and beyond what we needed. I know that whatever is next is better than what we currently have (though better doesn't necessarily mean easier). I know that God is good. Our faith in His goodness is unwavering, and therefore, I continue to have HOPE. Hope for good things to come, hope for a new adventure, hope for a wonderful job for Reid where his gifts, skills and talents will be celebrated. Hope for good to come out of this time, these uncertainties. Now... we wait and watch for what He will do!!

The Only Constant in Life...

 It is said that the only constant in life is change. And holy moly, have we all seen a lot of change lately! It seems every day there are new COVID updates and changes that affect our every day routines and practices. On top of all that, our entire world as we know it seems unstable right now in many other arenas. In the Kisling family, we have experienced many of these changes caused by the state of our world right now. But on top of all of that, August 1st - 23rd (three short weeks!) have brought a storm of changes, both good and hard. I'm feeling kind of tossed about, with no solid place to land. 

August 1st: Angel, our family dog for the last 13 1/2 years, tripped a few times, had a very bloated tummy, slept all day and wasn't breathing right. We took her to the vet, and they let us know she was suffering from cancer and it was her time to go. : ( (sorry- that's the very short version..)

August 2nd: At 7:30 am, we all sat with Angel at the Vet's office as she fell asleep, and breathed her last. Oof! It was such a hard thing!(again - the short version..) But God is good. We were just about to leave for a week of vacation, so it is so good that it happened before we left, and not while the housesitter was there. It happened so fast... no long drawn out process for Angel. All four kids were home and able to be there with her. One week earlier or later and that would not have been the case. We miss her very much. :(

August 3rd: We arrived in Thousand Oaks, CA and attended the first wedding of the Meyers family grandkids. Our nephew Andrew married a beautiful (inside and out!) young lady named Taylor. It was such a beautiful wedding, and a joy to hear the tributes to both of them and the families they were raised in. Again, God is so good!

August 4th: We started the morning catching up with a friend of both mine and Reid's from high school. It was so good to catch up with Rick. Their family is in the midst of some big changes as well.

We spent the afternoon and night with my cousin Hilary's family. The girls all had so much fun together, and we were there during the beginnings of what promises to be an incredible journey for their oldest daughter, Claire. (Check out her song, Backyard Boy! #shamelessplug :) ) Also while we were there, Hilary and I had some really good conversations. She's such a gem!

August 5th: We visited Westmont College for Natalie, assuming it was a non-possibility because of the cost, but worth stopping by since we were in the area. She loved the school, and they have some awesome opportunities, the elementary ed. program seems awesome, and the scholarship opportunities look promising! There may be an unexpected shift in what's possible for her next year!

Then we spent the next two evenings with long time friends, the Linebargers. It is always refreshing, fun and relaxing to be with them.

August 7th: We moved Katie into her off campus apartment in Fresno. So exciting! We are so happy to see her settled in with three other great girls in a brand new apartment not far from all the places she needs to be! But... this marks the end of an era.... Katie will most likely stay there in Fresno from now on... no coming home for the summer anymore. It's as it should be, but, oh! my mama heart! :) I'm so grateful for the extra time we had with her this year since she came home early due to COVID.

August 8th: We returned home from a very fun and full vacation. Cameron (who had moved home while we were gone and will be there until February when he will leave for a year long internship at a Christian camp in France) had let us know that our cat Mimzie had been missing for a couple of days. She never returned and we think a coyote got her. : ( She was my cuddle buddy, so I'm missing her.

August 9-16 was spent shopping, going through things, making check lists, and finishing last minute tasks as we prepared to take Rosalie to ACTS. Busy, busy, busy!

August 17th: Reid's mom Alicia came to stay with us for a few days because she had an appointment in Portland. It was special to have her here for a few days, even in the midst of all the crazy going on.

August 20th: I moved my work equipment from home and went back to work at my George Fox University office. I'm still working more than my usual hours for now, and it is big adjustment. I miss being at home all day with all my people, Moose dog and O'Malley cat. 

August 21st: Reid, Rose, Nattie and I got blizzards and went up to Bald Peak to watch the sunset and star gaze. It was our last hang out time with Rose before she left on Sunday. There was much laughter, beauty and falling stars! 

August 23rd: We drove to Tieton, WA and helped Rosalie set up her room at ACTS, visited with her roommates, ate dinner together, had a time of worship and heard what she will be experiencing over the next 4 months, and then left her there. Ah! How can this be?! It is wonderful to have peace knowing we left her in a place where she will be loved and nurtured, where she will grow deeper in love with Jesus, and is living in such a beautiful place. But it's weird not having her around. There's another girl shaped hole in our family home now. Natalie mentioned that she and Rosalie have never been apart from each other for longer than a week. : o That will be an adjustment for sure!

Also, Austin, our gym coach is moving to Utah this week! For the last year and a half, Austin has pushed, encouraged and guided me and our whole family in all things fitness. I had never really done much for exercise besides walking, so to lift weights, run, do chin ups, box jumps, burpees (yuck!) and all that has been a new, challenging and rewarding experience, and Austin made it fun. :) Now what?!

And so... here we are. I keep hoping things will settle into some kind of routine, but I'm not sure when or if that will happen in the next several months. We're getting a kitten tomorrow. :) Another change, but I'm hopeful it will be a fun, sweet distraction and comfort.

I began with the saying "The only constant in life is change." But I know another constant. And it is this other constant that gives me assurance that I am safe and cared for, even when my world is rocked and it feels like there's no place to land. God is constant. God is MY constant. Constant Comfort, constant Strength, constant Peace, Wise Counsel, Listener, my Rock, my Hope. He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I know He's got me. I know He's got my people. I know I'm growing through all of this. I know I will be a better person, stronger in my faith because of experiencing all these changes. God is teaching me, one who loves routine and planning, to live in the moment, to take things one day at a time, to find things to be grateful for in the middle of the storm, and to find joy and look for the good during this tumultous time. Also, it reminds me how much I need grace, and how much I need to extend grace to others. :)

Tending Roses

I just finished reading a book called Tending Roses by Lisa Wingate. It has filled my heart and mind with so many ponderings, so much wonderfulness, that I find myself here in this blog space wanting to process. (Which is what I usually do here.... process. I'm thankful for the ability to process here through writing!)

First off, the title Tending Roses brings me to a tender spot in my heart. Tending rose gardens is part of my family history that I treasure, though to look at my current rose bushes, one might wonder about that! My grandfather on my dad's side died tending to his rose garden before I knew him. My grandparents on my mom's side had beautiful roses, lots of them, and I believe they were one of my grandma's favorite flowers. My parents planted roses everywhere they lived, even at a little duplex they lived in for a while when they were first married. And Reid and I decided to carry on the tradition, planting roses at our house in Texas, and here at our house in Dundee. In fact, we have plans to create a nice rose garden in our backyard sometime in the next year or so and give ourselves a do-over since the roses in our front yard are unfortunately sickly and uncared for....( which is actually part of the theme of the book. But I'll get to that later.) My mom loved her roses so much. Always, when they were in bloom, there were vases full of roses on our dining room table and in various places throughout my childhood home. The year she moved up to Dundee, the year she died, my dad planted a rose garden for her. Each child and each grandchild picked a favorite rose of their choosing to plant in Nana's rose garden. I remember the trip to the nursery fondly. I have a picture of her surrounded by all of us, she with her oxygen tubes and sitting in a chair, our kids and my brother's kids small and so cute. :) So to read a novel with tending roses as a central theme, a metaphor for what's important in life, held a special relevance for me.

The grandmother in the book reminded me fondly of my grandma. Sometimes a bit harsh with her words and expectations, yet with a soft spot for little children, a hearty laugh and often times a wise and generous spirit underneath all her little irritations and rules. It was fun to grin and relate to the grand-kids in this story, some of the expectations and rules the exact same as my granny held for me.

The granddaughter in this story, Kate, and her husband Ben are up and comers in their fields, with all the toys, nice cars and preparations to purchase a nice house in the near future. They have a 4 month old who was born with heart complications and Kate is on leave for several months. Grandma Rose has had a mild stroke which is causing some memory lapses and things, and Kate and Ben offer to spend a few weeks with her while the family decides what is to be done about Grandma's care. As they remove themselves from the rat race of their lives, they begin to change their perspective on what's important in life, and lest I spoil the book, I won't go into the details any further. But once again, I could relate.

In this strange time of COVID-19 quarantine, many of us have had our busy lives come to a complete halt. Our jobs are either on hold, lost or being done from home. Our kids are doing school at home online. Our college kids have come home early. Our kids' extra curricular activities have come to a screeching halt and in many cases, so have their jobs. Now I realize that this is no light matter for so many, and there is extreme hardship due to the stay at home orders for many. I also realize that our kids and so many others have lost so much because of this - seniors don't get to finish out their year and have all the graduation fun, trips have been cancelled, weddings and gatherings of many kinds are not a possibility or are drastically different from what people have dreamed and planned for, and on and on. We in our family are not immune to the effects of it either, and have our own losses and disappointments to rise above. So, though I am well aware of all the down side of things, I am also blessed by the good that has come from this time. I am only speaking for my own experience in this, so please take no offense.

There is such a correlation for me between what happens for Kate and Ben, and for the odd opportunity we have been given as a family because of COVID-19. It has slowed our lives down so much! We have spent so much more time together - doing house projects together, baking and cooking together, eating dinner together nearly every night, watching lots of movies together, playing games, doing puzzles, reading books, taking a day trip to my aunt's beach house and so much more. We have been given time to pause, to enjoy a more relaxed pace, to open our eyes and hearts to those around us, and to the beautiful world around us. I am so thankful this happened in the Spring, and not the Fall/ Winter holiday season or in the dead of Winter! How lovely to be able to garden, enjoy blossoms on trees and flowers blooming, grasses turning green and the sunshine warming us - well at least more than in winter! :) Anyway... I am treasuring this time to stop and "tend the roses" ...slow down and bring life back to the heart of what matters most - faith, family and home. Friends too -  but that's not so easy right now.) Life will get back to its bustling busy-ness at some point, and to be honest, I look forward to returning to at least most of the activity. But I will hold on to this precious time and the memories we have made. And maybe, just maybe, I'll take better care of my roses from now on as a reminder to take time and care for the beautiful things of life.

Post Christmas Blues

Does anyone else get the post Christmas blues or is it just me?

I miss the extra laughter, the extra music and the extra conversations that happen because everyone is around the house more.
I miss gathering with extended family multiple times to eat, hang out, play games and chat.
I miss parties, and bringing fun snacks to the parties, and not having to cook as much because of parties and extended family meals together.
I miss having extra help around the house and in the kitchen - which happens because there's no school, no homework and less work and sports practice.
I miss more rested and relaxed children and husband.
I miss Katie - now back at school and busy already, even though classes don't start until next week.
I miss the anticipation of Christmas morning gift time - all the planning and shopping for just the right gifts and watching faces light up when they are opened.
I miss staying up late and sleeping til I wake up.
I miss all the cheery decorations, and the pretty Christmas tree.
I miss Cameron coming over more often to hang out, since his schedule is easier and siblings are around.
I miss my Christmas mugs.
I miss receiving Christmas letters and cards and pictures of families and friends that I love.

On the flip side, I do like being back into a routine.
I like having a bit of alone time in the morning to reflect and spend time with God.
I like the more open, crisper, less cluttered look of the house with just the regular decor. And...hmmm...

Sorry to be so "Bah, humbug!". Just keeping it real here. :)

Dear Rosalie (On your water polo career)

Dear Rosalie,

Today I started going through all the water polo pictures over the years you have played in preparation for creating your Water Polo Memory Board that you will receive at the End of the Season Banquet next week. I started thinking of all the many amazing things you have learned, the wonderful trips you have been on, and the fun friendships you have formed and decided to write it all down for you, as it is all a very significant part of your life. (And to help this mama process the fact that you are now a senior and this is the end of an era for you. Sniff, sniff.)

I remember when you decided to play.... Spring of 8th grade year. You didn't want to be left out, with your sisters playing and your friends all trying it out, so you decided give it a try. You had never played a sport before (other than kindergarten soccer). You went for it! And liked it! I'll never forget though, that day you came home very upset because, due to lack of players, you were going to have to start playing with the high school team, and you weren't quite ready for that. But you stepped up and did your part. And as a freshman, you were a starter on the varsity team! That fall you wrote a paper titled "How Water Polo Changed My Life". In it you went into detail about all the good things water polo had provided for you. I still have a copy of that paper and will always keep it, as a reminder of the impact this sport has had on you. What a fun year that was, playing alongside your sister Katie!

The summer after freshman year, sister Natalie joined the high schoolers as well, and all three Kisling girls got to play together for the summer! That was such a unique and special experience in so many ways! And all of you (plus mom and dad) got to travel to Hawaii to play together! What an amazing trip that was!

Sophomore and junior year were challenging years for you where water polo was concerned. The girls who came in as freshmen right after you had all been playing for several years, and their level of experience meant that you now had to take a step back and let them play ahead of you. What tough times those were for you, yet very valuable, as it taught you many of the character traits I mention later. These years also provided you with great friendships, though, and those friendships from water polo carried you through some difficult situations, and gave you some fun times. :) Your team traveled to California, Washington, and different places in Oregon, and once again, we traveled to Hawaii in the summer after your junior year, for another wonderful time.

This senior year, I have seen so much growth in your confidence, ability and play time! It has been fun to see you find your stride, and play well. You are one mean machine when it comes to defense :), and you do such a great job guiding the younger girls when you lead second string in the water. I am so proud of you for all your dedication and hard work with this sport.

Here are some of the things I think are important to note, lessons you've learned, values and character traits you have developed.

Courage: Even you don't fully grasp the significance of you being a part of one of the most physically challenging, mentally stretching sports out there. Not many know the story of all that you have overcome in your life - (your beginnings can be found here in these past blog posts...http://momssongbird.blogspot.com/2010/03/story-of-rosalie.html, http://momssongbird.blogspot.com/2010/04/rosalie-story-continued.html, http://momssongbird.blogspot.com/2010/04/final-installment-on-rosalies-story-i.html). And that wasn't even the real end of the story! Anyway, to me, you are a wonder...courageous and brave and strong. Learning to speak up for yourself cost you, I know, but you learned to be courageous and speak up at times. And the way you take on any player in the water has always made me smile! It's as if you just say "Welp, gotta stop this girl so here I go!".

Dedication and Discipline: You have stuck with this sport, even when things were hard, when you didn't get the play time you wanted, when you had to be at practices at 6 am during the summer, when practices are on Saturdays, when weekend after weekend is filled with tournaments, when going meant you would see someone it was difficult to be around, when you were sick or tired or frustrated. Your commitment has been and is admirable. Not all who went through your specific situation would have stuck with it. So kudos to you!!

Kindness: I love watching you look out for younger players, being kind and welcoming to all. You truly are a sweetheart, and your kindness is evident in what your teammates communicated in their card to you on Senior Night. :) You shine Jesus well, sweetie. :)

Friendships! From Maddy O., to Isabelle, to Jordan and Taylor, to Amelia, "the Maddies" and many more, not to mention your sisters, water polo has provided you with some wonderful friendships! For this I am most grateful, and I know you will miss your water polo friendships even more than the sport - I think. :)

Travel: I can't believe where all this sport has taken you! California, Washington, all over Oregon, and especially two trips to Hawaii!! What incredible, fun experiences these have been!

Physical Fitness: I know you have appreciated the natural outcome of staying physically fit by doing this sport, and I know you will miss that as well. It has also taught you the importance of staying fit and active, and that, you will carry with you the rest of your life.

Well, this post is getting overly long. As we head into the state competition this weekend and as this season comes to a close, I am sad to see it end for you, but so blessed by all that it has given you, and so proud of you for all you have learned, accomplished and contributed throughout the last four + years of playing water polo. Love you so so much, Rose. ❤

I'll take that ball, thanks...

Not today, #2!     

Passing it on...    

Mother's Day and Other Recent Celebrations

I didn't post anything on social media for Mother's Day. Not about my mom. Not about my Mary mom. Not about my kids. I started to a few times, but ... it just didn't happen. I couldn't find the right picture or the right words. All the recent pictures I have of the kids together are ones I've already posted because, well, they just aren't all four together at the same time that often anymore. I admit, I was a little jealous of all the posts that people's kids posted about their moms. But three out my four children have deleted their social media accounts, and the fourth one doesn't post much. So there's that. And I just didn't quite know what to say. I love my mom in heaven and I love my mom that's here. I love being a mom. But when I started to expound on any of those points, I just couldn't say what I wanted to say without sounding some way that I didn't want to sound. (Nice sentence! lol! And also, I didn't realize I had let social media's grip of certain expectations and pressures lay hold of me!)

We had a good day for Mother's Day. We went to church and then spent the afternoon at my parents' house with most of our extended family. Reid and Cameron worked together on a project in the backyard for me, and in the evening I helped Reid finish it up. (I'll post a picture if I can figure out how..) I'm really thrilled with the finished product!  It was a peaceful evening. The kids gave me a note-card with little notes from them in it. They are precious to me, those little notes. Just a sentence or two from each child, but insightfully expressing what aspects of my mothering touches each one the  most. We finished off the evening watching TV together, and then Reid and the girls humored me and came and sat in my new little backyard haven with me for just a few minutes before we got too cold. Not super exciting, or Pinterest worthy or anything. But lovely to me. :)

Last weekend Cameron graduated from college! This is kind of Mother's Day-ish material to me. Because how the heck do I have a 22 year old college graduate as one of my children?! Cameron is one amazing young man in my eyes. He has had some significant struggles over the last couple of years. But through it all, he has remained devoted to God, a kind and supportive friend, son and sibling, a big part of his campus life, and a successful student. He is growing and changing and becoming, and it is wonderful to watch. It will be fun to see what path the Lord has for him in the next several years. In case one wonders, for the next year he will be an intern at Camp Tilikum which is just outside of Newberg. It will be nice to have him close to home, and I look forward to seeing him every week or two for dinner and hanging out time.

Three days after Cam graduated, Katie turned 20! A new decade! Another one of those mom feelings- how is she 20?! She has grown so much over the last year! Her heart for God and others is ever increasing, and it's such a joy to see her blossom! I love having her home for the summer! She brings life and laughter to our home, and so much more. I only wish I could hold on a little longer, a little tighter, and not have to let her go again once August comes. (More Mother's Day-ish material... it doesn't seem that many people acknowledge the loss we mothers feel when our little birds leave the nest. Yet... we have poured into and received blessing upon blessing from these precious lives for 18+ years, and then all of a sudden they leave. And they leave a big void. And it's sad. There. I said it. Amidst all the excitement for their futures, all the good that it is to let them spread their wings and fly, we moms face a loss along with the excitement and joy. But it's a good kind of hard.) I will cherish this summer with Katie. Who knows what next summer will hold?

It's been a Spring full of milestone celebrations....along with Cam graduating and Katie entering a new decade, Natalie turned 16, got her license and got a job. And Rosalie turned 18 and is looking ahead to her senior year in high school. All four kids seem to be maturing into caring, conscientious, faith-filled people, for which I am very grateful.  It all happens so fast. I always want to be intentional in these moments, yet they seem to fly by, and I'm never sure I've given them the attention they warrant. So I just hang on for the ride, whispering many a prayer as time flies by, hoping I give each meaningful moment its time in the spotlight of life. Mothering is such a roller coaster ride! Joys and sorrows, struggles and victories, highs and lows, pride and humility. I love this roller coaster called Motherhood. And I love riding it with Reid beside me. And I wish a belated Happy Mother's Day to everyone who has a mother, is a mother, wants to be a mother, aches to be a mother...well...to everyone. :)

Hi-Ho! Hi-Ho! It's Off to Work I Go!

I get to go work at the information services desk at George Fox University!! How did this come about? Some will call it coincidence. Some will call it good Karma. Some will say it's nothing at all. I call it the Hand of the Lord, leading and guiding, weaving a tapestry together with threads that I would not have imagined would become intertwined.

Thread number one: A few years ago I began walking with my good friend "W". Off and on we would talk about her part time job and the fact that there are often other offices in her building who need part time help. She would ask if I was interested. I would say, I wish, but I just can't commit to 20 hours a week along with the other little jobs I do as well as working until 5 pm several days a week and 20 hours during the summer months when the kids are home. (Reid and I have always committed to me generally being home when the kids are home, no matter their age. It takes sacrifice and a whole lot of other things, but we have been fortunate enough to make that work for our family. I realize that this is a personal commitment, and I admire both moms/dads who stay home as well as those who leave the house for their work. Both are challenging in their own ways!)

Thread number two: Several years ago, one of my part time jobs was temping for "B" at the information services desk at George Fox University. This was a great job, even though there were times it required me to be gone until 5 in the evening. At the same time, I had another small part time job that only required me to work during the school day, and was super flexible. This combination worked great for a couple of years - doing these two jobs as well as cleaning for my aunt every other week and continuing the small non-profit job I do from home. However, there came the year that Natalie was in eighth grade, and whenever I worked at Fox until 5, she had to come home alone and be alone until 5, while the other kids were at sports practice and I was at work. It happened often enough that it really bothered me, and since the "during the school day" job seemed pretty steady, I decided to let the temp job at Fox go. Over time, the steadiness of the "during the school day" job became more of a sporadic thing, as it was a more seasonal kind of job. It was all fine. We weren't dependent on the money I made, though it really helped with extras.

Thread number three: Two Falls ago, Katie went off to college, and Natalie became a freshman in high school. I found myself alone at home most days from 7 am until 6 pm, when Rosalie and Natalie got home from sports practice and Reid arrived home from work. It drove me crazy and I began to pray about how God would best have me use all of that time. I discovered there was a Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) Bible study in Newberg and found great joy in the relationships I found there, as well as wonderful Bible teaching. And that was a great way to spend a few hours every week. Then this Fall I became a small group facilitator for BSF, which added several more hours and more wonderful relationships to my plate.

Thread number four: At the end of the school year last year, Natalie came home with several tragic stories some of her health classmates had shared about things they deal with emotionally and mentally, and my heart broke for kids who walk around with burdens we can't begin to know about. I felt compelled to apply for a full time position at the high school, hoping that I could be a smile, hug, friendly face, someone to talk to for some of those kids. I didn't get the job. And I'm so thankful I didn't get it!:) I realized this Fall that full time work along with the little nonprofit home job, and BSF and still striving to be the best wife and mom I can be would have been too much. (Kudos to those moms who are able to do all of it!) We have had some challenges over the last several months and had I had a full time job...well...it would not have been pretty. I put this thread in here, though, because it made me realize two things. One: full time work isn't a great option for me at this stage of life, and two: I realized I could be ready/open to a part time job if it came along, depending on several things; the type of job, how many hours it would involve, and my ability to still be home when the kids are home.

Thread number five: Over the last two months, Reid and I have been praying for provision and guidance with our finances. Our cars need replacing. Life is getting more expensive with two in college and two in high school. And we would love to be able to go on a trip here and there to see Katie play water polo. And Cameron graduates from college in April - we'd like to do something really nice for a gift. Etc, etc.....

Ok, now here's where things get exciting, and the threads begin to weave together! Last week I got a call from "B" at GFU asking if I would be interested in working for her for 15 hours/week starting in February! She said she had just spoken with my friend "W" (see first thread) who at one time had applied for a part time position at Fox. W told B that she was no longer available for a job, but asked if she by any chance knew Carrie Kisling.What!?! Of course B knew me, but didn't think I would be available for a job, since a couple of years ago I had left my temp job at Fox to do the "during the school day" job. What a connection! And what a great fit! B has already worked with me before, and I already know some of the ins and outs of the job I will be doing (thread number two). The hours are spread over four weekdays, and only one day will I work until 5 - the rest of the days I will be off at least by 1:30 (back to thread number one). 15 hours a week seems just right at this point, I always did enjoy the information services work at GFU, and B is a wonderful person to work for. I feel mentally prepared to start back to work in this capacity, and I feel that part of that was due to what I learned from thread number four. Also, I still get to be around students, albeit a little bit older, but I'm pretty sure kids with those same kinds of stories I heard from Natalie are all over that campus, and I will get to interact with some of them in this new job. My aunt is putting her house on the market this spring, and when it sells, she will no longer need my cleaning services. Although the timing is off just a bit, this new job will more than provide for the loss of income from cleaning. It's a huge answer to our prayers (thread number five)! Hmm... that leaves thread number three. I will no longer be able to be involved with BSF, and this makes me very sad. I will greatly miss the learning, and all the wonderful friendships that were growing. But as my BSF friend said..."I have a feeling the Lord will bring you back to BSF at some point in the future." That thread hangs loose for now, but not broken. And hopefully I will still see my BSF friends around town!

Isn't this all so cool?! I love looking back and seeing how God weaved experiences, prayers, thoughts and life situations together for this exact opportunity at this exact time. And it makes me appreciate my new job all the more, seeing how God wove all these seemingly separate threads together to create just the right job.... for me.