Gentle Growing Pains

Years ago I stopped asking God for growth in my faith. I did so out of fear and not a good place. You see, every time in my life that I had asked God for growth, some huge, hard growing experience happened. Like when we had to live in Texas for 11 years - far away from all family and all things familiar. Like when Mom got sick and then died. Like when we experienced major church hurt when Reid was let go as a pastor. So, asking for growth became scary, and I just didn't do it. Please don't judge me. ;)

Well, it only took about 9 years for me to get to a point of asking God for growth again. Even still, when I was finally ready to pray for growth again, I asked God for growth, but please, could He just do it gently? God is faithful. :) He didn't have to answer that prayer the way He did, but boy am I grateful for His gentle care of me, and for the growth path He has me on currently. 

I am a person who likes routine. Transitions and change are not my favorite. In fact, I know I have mentioned that before in quite a few previous posts! I have even written the last several posts with that fact in mind! Ha ha! :) The whole last year and a half have brought nothing but transitions and changes, not only in my own personal life, but world wide as well! 

Right now (Wednesday, August 11) our family is in the middle of some pretty intense transitions. As of this very moment, here are all the transitions and all the things going on...

1. Cameron just left on a camping trip with his girlfriends' family and gets back Friday evening. He leaves Sunday for France!! He has been busy with all kinds of final preparations and goodbyes. So any last minute questions I have, things he needs, etc. have to be done now. Also, he has lived at home for the last year, and will leave a big emptiness when he leaves, both literally and emotionally! 😂 (At almost 6'7", he kinda takes up a lot of space :) )

2. We leave Wednesday the 18th (3 days after Cam leaves) to take Natalie to Fresno Pacific University! That situation has been in flux as to what all will be allowed. Originally, there was a whole family orientation day, with dorm move in, commissioning service, dinner for families, etc., and a lake retreat for freshmen Friday - Sunday. But as the days go by and the California COVID restrictions increase again, that has been reduced to letting parents help them move in on Thursday morning, and everything else family related either canceled or moved online. So it feels like our goodbye transition will be really quick, and I'm not excited about that. Also, for the last year, Natalie has been such a joy to me, my gal pal. I will miss her immensely! 

3. Rosalie returned home from Morocco last week. She had such an amazing experience! And she now has another group of close friends all over the place to stay connected with! She is to be the maid of honor in a wedding on August 28th, so as you can imagine she is busy trying to find a dress, plan a bachelorette party, and more. Quite a transition to go from 3rd world country to being in a wedding! On top of all her planning for the wedding, she is prepping to start college at George Fox (first year online) a few days after that wedding, and isn't sure how that will look - live at home? Try to move to Yakima and be near friends? ....so lots of transitions for her! (And maybe be my at home gal pal? ;) )

4. Katie just started a new part time job. She's an "ice cream girl". :) She works at an ice cream shop. She has August off in her master's program, but when September comes, she'll have a full load of classes. (While her transitions don't affect our home life too much, it does limit her and our availability for treasured facetime calls.)

5. Reid has been working full time at his new job, while still trying to finish up 4-5 consulting jobs and tying up a few loose ends at the seminary. He decided in the midst of all of it to take apart our tent trailer to replace the ceiling material so that we can loan it to friends for a trip they are going on. I'm super glad we get to help out our friends, and will be super glad to have the ceiling fixed! It's just that Reid is overwhelmed already, and that added activity added stress - to all of us and in all our relationships (we've had a higher than average amount of "tiffs" in our house lately! ;) - Just bein' real here.)

6. That leaves me... I am one month in with my increased hours at work (32 now instead of 20). Under normal circumstances, without all these extra stressors, it will be fine, I think. But right now it feels like a lot.... also, my coworker has been out last week and this week, so I am covering for her as well, making it closer to 40 hours/week. Again, totally fine normally, but I am barely hanging on with all the other things happening right now. 

(During much of this transition and chaos, my dad has been having some health struggles. He had prostate cancer surgery at the end of April. He was recovering quite well when three weeks later he ended up in the ER with a blood clot in his lung. After a week in the hospital, he was home and doing well again. Thank the Lord! Two weeks (or was it three?) ago, he was back in ER, this time with a blood infection and kidney stones. Another week in the hospital, and all is well once again. I felt inadequate to help, to be there for him and Mary, with all the other things going on. But they are so gracious and loving. I am so blessed by them. ❤)

Now, some people I know can live in this kind of what I would call chaos and manage it just fine. I am not one of those people. Lol! Today, I just about lost it right at my desk. I had forgotten to do something important for a family member, and they were frustrated with me, and I felt like I failed them. And like I am failing at keeping it all together and doing all the things I want to be able to do for people, and keeping all the schedules straight, and at being a good wife and mom. I'm not saying all of this to receive any sympathy. Please don't feel sorry for me. But instead, be encouraged that life just gets real sometimes for all of us, and all of us have our moments, days or even weeks where the world around us seems to be spinning too fast and even a little out of control. And we all fail at things we perceive we should be thriving at. It's ok. It's ok to fail. It's ok to be a hot mess sometimes.  It's ok when life feels chaotic and out of our control. God is still in control, always. He is faithful and will carry us through crazy seasons. And He loves us even when we are a hot mess. :) 

God is teaching me and growing me. In this season there are so many wonderful things happening! And all these transitions are good ones! They do come with some challenges along the way, but they are all good, wonderful things! I am having to let go of expectations (my pastor's wife likes to call expectations premeditated disappointments! So often true!) I am learning to find peace in my God's steadfastness and faithfulness during the chaos and not in my own ability to manage the world around me. (Seems this is a recurring theme for me!😂) Though it is hard, I am learning... slowly and not without hiccups, to lovingly (hopefully!) let go of my kids and let them fly in ways God is calling them to explore the world, their gifts, interests, hopes and dreams. I wish I could say I'm doing it well, and gracefully. It's kinda more messy than I wish, but hey... it's ok. Even though these changes and growth opportunities are hard on certain levels, they are all good and wonderful things! And in that, I see my God being gentle in answering my prayer for gently growing me. 

Updates!

 

At the time of my last post, Reid was jobless, I had begun permanent part-time status at George Fox, Cameron was patiently awaiting clearance for his trip to France, Katie was set to graduate and then work for a while before she started her master's program, Rosalie had lost her tuition benefit at Corban and we didn't know what would happen next, and Natalie was muddling through her COVID senior year. Phew! Once again, a lot has happened since my last post, and I am excited to finally be at liberty to share all the wonderful goodness that the Lord has brought our way!

Reid kept busy with consulting jobs and some teaching at Western from February through June, but as of July 1, he is now working for a software company called Stellic. I'm not super knowledgeable about the techy side of life, so I'm not entirely sure what all his job entails. I know he is in a leadership position and helps the teams work together to accomplish the vision of the company. He is in a job where his skills, gifts and talents are celebrated, which was my hope for him! The great thing is, he works from home! While this creates some challenges, such as the fact that we don't have an office space at home so he is in our living room all day (!), we are so thankful that we do not need to move at this time! And that he has been given a job that is new and exciting and fun, has a great team of people to work with, and provides well! Praise God for His amazing provision! 

As of July 1, my job status changed as well! I moved to 32 hour full time in my position at George Fox! I never thought I would return to the work world in this way, but I am excited to be helping people, loving on students and having something worthwhile to fill my time since I will no longer have kids at home (at least not in the same capacity as in the past ;). After 24 years of being a mostly stay home mom, this will be quite an adjustment, but I am thankful for the slow transition I have had, and am ready for the challenge and the opportunity! This also increases our tuition benefit which will impact Rosalie's choices (see her section of this post).

Cameron has all his funds raised and will head out next month for France! While it was somewhat frustrating to be "stuck", even he will tell you he is so thankful for the year at home. He had time to kind of "re-set", got involved with a couple of men's Bible study groups, worked, and has been able to be around for family celebrations and things he would have otherwise missed. There is also a special someone in his life, and while the coming year apart will be difficult, having some time together to grow their relationship has been really good for them!

Katie graduated with high honors from Fresno Pacific University, and three days later started her master's program in counseling at Western Seminary (Yep, where Reid worked). This was not her original plan, but due to certain circumstances, it became necessary to start right away. She is loving her classes! Right now they are fully online. She is living in Fresno, involved in worship ministry and more at her church and will begin looking for a part time job soon. She moved into a new apartment that is part of the ministry of their church, and has free rent and utilities in exchange for ministry work - forming friendships within the complex, which is right across the street from her church. (What a cool idea for ministry!) She too has a special someone in her life. He lives in Fresno, so you see why she would want to stay there. ;) (On top of all the other reasons.) She was just home for a week and half. It was such a wonderful gift to have her home and spend time with her! Adam, her special someone,  was here for part of it, and it was good to get to spend some relaxed time with him too! 

Rosalie is in Morocco! She will be there a full month on a mission trip with Royal Servants. She was all set to go on a Royal Servants trip last summer to Europe, but of course that was canceled due to COVID. In her own words, she is much better prepared to be on this trip this year, and is glad to be on the Morocco trip instead of the Europe trip. (Europe was still not open.) In her time at ACTS this spring, she decided that at least to start with, she wants to pursue a degree in Interior Design. With the tuition benefit that I receive at George Fox helping even more with my new full time status, and the opportunity to live at home to save money while going to school, she has decided to attend George Fox this coming Fall! She will do the first year online program, to save even more money. We are praying that she will be able to find super affordable living and a part time job in Yakima, where many of her friends from ACTS live, to help make the online experience a bit more enjoyable this first year, with plans to live at home and attend on campus classes the following year.

Natalie finished up her weird senior year. :) Her water polo team finished as champions in their modified season! She graduated a valedictorian and gave a killer speech at their IN PERSON (students only) graduation. (Yep, that was a brag :) ) It has been a very unique year. Seniors missed out on a lot. But Natalie did a good job of going with the flow and excelling at everything she had going on in spite of the less than appealing conditions. She is still working as a nanny, is giving private swim lessons, has lots of house sitting jobs, and is playing club water polo this summer before she heads off to college next month. 

Anyway, phew! That was a lot of updates and changes! I am so stinkin' proud of everyone in my family for how they have handled all the stress of upheaval and different transitions these last several months. We trusted God for good things, and boy did He deliver! I love that Guy!!! :) 

Twists and Turns

(Disclaimer.... this post is quite lengthy! Skip what you want... I mostly added everything for my own sake of remembrances. :) )

 Life is sure full of twists and turns, especially these days! I just reread the Christmas letter that I wrote for 2019. Ah, 2019 was such a good year! (see letter here..2019 Christmas Letter) Little did I know that just a few months later, life as we knew it would be turned upside down! We all know the challenges that 2020 brought us... missed proms, weird (but good!) graduations, lost sports seasons for the kids, online school, working from home, lost jobs, sickness, changed future plans, not to mention the fires, the long lasting smoke, riots everywhere, tumultuous political environment, etc.. I started a blog post about it, but never finished it. (I purposely didn't post this post, because it could be perceived as being insensitive to others who have suffered greatly because of COVID; experiencing deaths in their families, devastating loss of income, etc. This is just my personal experience, and my personal space to write about my family's experiences with it, so I do hope not to offend anyone, or cause anyone distress. 😳) Here is what I had written...

 Resilience. Strength. Perseverance. Kindness. Generosity. Support. Hope. As I reflect on 2020, these are the themes that return to my mind time and again. Maybe I see the world through rose colored glasses, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. :) I recognize there have been many hardships over the last 12 months, and that almost nobody I know has been untouched by the challenges our nation and world have experienced lately. But look through my rose colored glasses with me for just a bit and see what I see...

I see my children facing many disappointments with resilience, strength and perseverance. These disappointments range from missed proms, a very different graduation, job losses, online school, canceled sports seasons, and more. Yet through it all, they have grown, stayed mostly positive and have persevered. I believe the hard things they have had to experience this last year will make them better people. I believe they will come out of this stronger, with a deeper faith, more compassion, more aware of the sufferings of those around them, better able to empathize, and able to give of themselves to better the world and encourage the people around them.

I see our family spending much more time together, which at times can be challenging :) but most of the time is wonderful. And I see the bonds between the kids, between all of us, growing stronger as we spend more time together, doing home improvement projects, working puzzles, playing games, having movie marathons, cooking together, etc..

I see my friends serving myself and others by providing encouragement and meals when our family was sick with COVID a couple of weeks ago. And I know they have done this for others as well. I see them supporting each other and building each other up with encouragement and help whenever needed.

I see the generosity and kindness of my community as many support the small businesses in my town and help families and organizations in need. 

2020 was a doozy! COVID, losses, fires, and more. I can't say whether 2021 will be better. But I have hope. Hope that humanity can grow in generosity, kindness and strength. Hope that my family can and will continue to thrive and grow in the midst of hardship. Hope that we will all persevere and come out on the other side of all this better people with more to offer to those around us. And above all, I have HOPE. My hope lies in Jesus. He didn't promise us a better world. He didn't promise us prosperity, or safety even, or health. But He did promise that He is with us and will walk with us through whatever we face. 

So much of what was planned for in my 2019 Christmas letter changed! None of the kids went on their mission trips. Rosalie didn't go to Corban, but went instead to a gap year discipleship program. It has been an incredible blessing, and we see God's hand in taking her on that different path. She has grown so much in faith and confidence, has made some wonderful friends, and is very grateful for this experience. She will get to go on that mission trip she was planning on, but it may be to a different location, depending on COVID restrictions in other countries. We're not sure what it looks like yet. What's next for her, we're not sure... but we know it will be just what God has in mind for her, and it will be good.

Cameron hasn't left for France yet, but has been living at home, working and raising support for his year long internship with Greater Europe Missions. It has been so good to have him around! It's been an adjustment for sure, but a good one! :) He hasn't lived at home since he left for college 5 years ago! But I'm so thankful for this time with him, which we would not have had without the year + of COVID. He is on track to leave hopefully in June, depending on COVID restrictions and funding. (If you feel so led, you can support his mission internship here... (Support Cameron's Mission Internship) ) 😉

Katie moved back to Fresno after an extended summer (COVID closures brought her home from college in April. It was soo good to have her home for 4.5 months!) and has attended her senior year of college online, living off campus with 3 of her water polo teammates. Water polo is back in play for her, but on a limited schedule, and with no spectators. While we are so sad to miss watching her play her senior year, we at least get to see some of the games live streamed, which has been nice! She has received word that her graduation will be completely online, so we're not sure what celebrating that will look like. And after graduation, she plans to stay in Fresno, find a job, and hopefully start her master's degree sometime in the next year.

Natalie has been such a trooper! She has done her high school senior year completely online, no sports, no regular job, limited social life, etc.. Some of the perks, though, are being able to work out every day, a trip to Hawaii with her friends (!), and a little bit more laid back schedule. She just this week got a nannying job for a few hours a day, and they are paying her very well. And... she gets to go with them to Hawaii to help with the kids next week! There is no way that would be possible if she was at school, but with online school, she can do her work from anywhere! With all the disappointments of this interesting senior year, we are grateful for her fun experiences, and seeing how the Lord is providing for her. She is planning to go to Fresno Pacific for college in the Fall, and will be playing water polo at FPU. We are happy we will get to continue being part of a water polo family for four more years!

My job at George Fox has been great! I got to work from home the whole time that all the kids were around this summer. I have been given permanent part time status (instead of TEMP) which allows us to have medical, dental and vision coverage. This is a huge blessing, as we had been using a "major medical only" coverage, and will need this coverage moving forward, because....

Reid is in search of a new job! Western Seminary has a new president as of last month, and the new president let Reid know that he is moving in a different direction, and that Reid's position as VP of Student Development and Chief Information Officer is no longer necessary. Those under Reid's leadership will be moved under others, and so here we are... Reid is being compensated through the end of the school year, which will allow us some time to really search out a good fit for him. We have no idea if we will need to move, or get to stay here in our beloved Dundee/ Pacific Northwest.

Rosalie's tuition at Corban was one of the benefits of working at Western, so that no longer exists, which is why we are now wondering what's next for her. (Not sure we can swing the private university cost without big scholarships, or athletic scholarships like the other girls had. Cameron had the advantage of the free tuition at Corban.) We have seen God provide in amazing ways for each of our kids' college education, and so we are hopefully expectant as we wait to see what's possible for her. 

I am not very good at living in limbo :), so God is stretching my faith for sure! Having absolutely no idea what's next is a bit unsettling to say the least! Change is not my favorite. :) And I worry that if we move, my kids will feel like the new place isn't home, and I worry that we might have to move far away, and I mourn that we might not be able to be near extended family, and.... Boy, there are so many swirling thoughts and feelings that come with this change, I can't even... 

But here is what I know. We have been in this place before, and God provided above and beyond what we needed. I know that whatever is next is better than what we currently have (though better doesn't necessarily mean easier). I know that God is good. Our faith in His goodness is unwavering, and therefore, I continue to have HOPE. Hope for good things to come, hope for a new adventure, hope for a wonderful job for Reid where his gifts, skills and talents will be celebrated. Hope for good to come out of this time, these uncertainties. Now... we wait and watch for what He will do!!

The Only Constant in Life...

 It is said that the only constant in life is change. And holy moly, have we all seen a lot of change lately! It seems every day there are new COVID updates and changes that affect our every day routines and practices. On top of all that, our entire world as we know it seems unstable right now in many other arenas. In the Kisling family, we have experienced many of these changes caused by the state of our world right now. But on top of all of that, August 1st - 23rd (three short weeks!) have brought a storm of changes, both good and hard. I'm feeling kind of tossed about, with no solid place to land. 

August 1st: Angel, our family dog for the last 13 1/2 years, tripped a few times, had a very bloated tummy, slept all day and wasn't breathing right. We took her to the vet, and they let us know she was suffering from cancer and it was her time to go. : ( (sorry- that's the very short version..)

August 2nd: At 7:30 am, we all sat with Angel at the Vet's office as she fell asleep, and breathed her last. Oof! It was such a hard thing!(again - the short version..) But God is good. We were just about to leave for a week of vacation, so it is so good that it happened before we left, and not while the housesitter was there. It happened so fast... no long drawn out process for Angel. All four kids were home and able to be there with her. One week earlier or later and that would not have been the case. We miss her very much. :(

August 3rd: We arrived in Thousand Oaks, CA and attended the first wedding of the Meyers family grandkids. Our nephew Andrew married a beautiful (inside and out!) young lady named Taylor. It was such a beautiful wedding, and a joy to hear the tributes to both of them and the families they were raised in. Again, God is so good!

August 4th: We started the morning catching up with a friend of both mine and Reid's from high school. It was so good to catch up with Rick. Their family is in the midst of some big changes as well.

We spent the afternoon and night with my cousin Hilary's family. The girls all had so much fun together, and we were there during the beginnings of what promises to be an incredible journey for their oldest daughter, Claire. (Check out her song, Backyard Boy! #shamelessplug :) ) Also while we were there, Hilary and I had some really good conversations. She's such a gem!

August 5th: We visited Westmont College for Natalie, assuming it was a non-possibility because of the cost, but worth stopping by since we were in the area. She loved the school, and they have some awesome opportunities, the elementary ed. program seems awesome, and the scholarship opportunities look promising! There may be an unexpected shift in what's possible for her next year!

Then we spent the next two evenings with long time friends, the Linebargers. It is always refreshing, fun and relaxing to be with them.

August 7th: We moved Katie into her off campus apartment in Fresno. So exciting! We are so happy to see her settled in with three other great girls in a brand new apartment not far from all the places she needs to be! But... this marks the end of an era.... Katie will most likely stay there in Fresno from now on... no coming home for the summer anymore. It's as it should be, but, oh! my mama heart! :) I'm so grateful for the extra time we had with her this year since she came home early due to COVID.

August 8th: We returned home from a very fun and full vacation. Cameron (who had moved home while we were gone and will be there until February when he will leave for a year long internship at a Christian camp in France) had let us know that our cat Mimzie had been missing for a couple of days. She never returned and we think a coyote got her. : ( She was my cuddle buddy, so I'm missing her.

August 9-16 was spent shopping, going through things, making check lists, and finishing last minute tasks as we prepared to take Rosalie to ACTS. Busy, busy, busy!

August 17th: Reid's mom Alicia came to stay with us for a few days because she had an appointment in Portland. It was special to have her here for a few days, even in the midst of all the crazy going on.

August 20th: I moved my work equipment from home and went back to work at my George Fox University office. I'm still working more than my usual hours for now, and it is big adjustment. I miss being at home all day with all my people, Moose dog and O'Malley cat. 

August 21st: Reid, Rose, Nattie and I got blizzards and went up to Bald Peak to watch the sunset and star gaze. It was our last hang out time with Rose before she left on Sunday. There was much laughter, beauty and falling stars! 

August 23rd: We drove to Tieton, WA and helped Rosalie set up her room at ACTS, visited with her roommates, ate dinner together, had a time of worship and heard what she will be experiencing over the next 4 months, and then left her there. Ah! How can this be?! It is wonderful to have peace knowing we left her in a place where she will be loved and nurtured, where she will grow deeper in love with Jesus, and is living in such a beautiful place. But it's weird not having her around. There's another girl shaped hole in our family home now. Natalie mentioned that she and Rosalie have never been apart from each other for longer than a week. : o That will be an adjustment for sure!

Also, Austin, our gym coach is moving to Utah this week! For the last year and a half, Austin has pushed, encouraged and guided me and our whole family in all things fitness. I had never really done much for exercise besides walking, so to lift weights, run, do chin ups, box jumps, burpees (yuck!) and all that has been a new, challenging and rewarding experience, and Austin made it fun. :) Now what?!

And so... here we are. I keep hoping things will settle into some kind of routine, but I'm not sure when or if that will happen in the next several months. We're getting a kitten tomorrow. :) Another change, but I'm hopeful it will be a fun, sweet distraction and comfort.

I began with the saying "The only constant in life is change." But I know another constant. And it is this other constant that gives me assurance that I am safe and cared for, even when my world is rocked and it feels like there's no place to land. God is constant. God is MY constant. Constant Comfort, constant Strength, constant Peace, Wise Counsel, Listener, my Rock, my Hope. He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I know He's got me. I know He's got my people. I know I'm growing through all of this. I know I will be a better person, stronger in my faith because of experiencing all these changes. God is teaching me, one who loves routine and planning, to live in the moment, to take things one day at a time, to find things to be grateful for in the middle of the storm, and to find joy and look for the good during this tumultous time. Also, it reminds me how much I need grace, and how much I need to extend grace to others. :)

Tending Roses

I just finished reading a book called Tending Roses by Lisa Wingate. It has filled my heart and mind with so many ponderings, so much wonderfulness, that I find myself here in this blog space wanting to process. (Which is what I usually do here.... process. I'm thankful for the ability to process here through writing!)

First off, the title Tending Roses brings me to a tender spot in my heart. Tending rose gardens is part of my family history that I treasure, though to look at my current rose bushes, one might wonder about that! My grandfather on my dad's side died tending to his rose garden before I knew him. My grandparents on my mom's side had beautiful roses, lots of them, and I believe they were one of my grandma's favorite flowers. My parents planted roses everywhere they lived, even at a little duplex they lived in for a while when they were first married. And Reid and I decided to carry on the tradition, planting roses at our house in Texas, and here at our house in Dundee. In fact, we have plans to create a nice rose garden in our backyard sometime in the next year or so and give ourselves a do-over since the roses in our front yard are unfortunately sickly and uncared for....( which is actually part of the theme of the book. But I'll get to that later.) My mom loved her roses so much. Always, when they were in bloom, there were vases full of roses on our dining room table and in various places throughout my childhood home. The year she moved up to Dundee, the year she died, my dad planted a rose garden for her. Each child and each grandchild picked a favorite rose of their choosing to plant in Nana's rose garden. I remember the trip to the nursery fondly. I have a picture of her surrounded by all of us, she with her oxygen tubes and sitting in a chair, our kids and my brother's kids small and so cute. :) So to read a novel with tending roses as a central theme, a metaphor for what's important in life, held a special relevance for me.

The grandmother in the book reminded me fondly of my grandma. Sometimes a bit harsh with her words and expectations, yet with a soft spot for little children, a hearty laugh and often times a wise and generous spirit underneath all her little irritations and rules. It was fun to grin and relate to the grand-kids in this story, some of the expectations and rules the exact same as my granny held for me.

The granddaughter in this story, Kate, and her husband Ben are up and comers in their fields, with all the toys, nice cars and preparations to purchase a nice house in the near future. They have a 4 month old who was born with heart complications and Kate is on leave for several months. Grandma Rose has had a mild stroke which is causing some memory lapses and things, and Kate and Ben offer to spend a few weeks with her while the family decides what is to be done about Grandma's care. As they remove themselves from the rat race of their lives, they begin to change their perspective on what's important in life, and lest I spoil the book, I won't go into the details any further. But once again, I could relate.

In this strange time of COVID-19 quarantine, many of us have had our busy lives come to a complete halt. Our jobs are either on hold, lost or being done from home. Our kids are doing school at home online. Our college kids have come home early. Our kids' extra curricular activities have come to a screeching halt and in many cases, so have their jobs. Now I realize that this is no light matter for so many, and there is extreme hardship due to the stay at home orders for many. I also realize that our kids and so many others have lost so much because of this - seniors don't get to finish out their year and have all the graduation fun, trips have been cancelled, weddings and gatherings of many kinds are not a possibility or are drastically different from what people have dreamed and planned for, and on and on. We in our family are not immune to the effects of it either, and have our own losses and disappointments to rise above. So, though I am well aware of all the down side of things, I am also blessed by the good that has come from this time. I am only speaking for my own experience in this, so please take no offense.

There is such a correlation for me between what happens for Kate and Ben, and for the odd opportunity we have been given as a family because of COVID-19. It has slowed our lives down so much! We have spent so much more time together - doing house projects together, baking and cooking together, eating dinner together nearly every night, watching lots of movies together, playing games, doing puzzles, reading books, taking a day trip to my aunt's beach house and so much more. We have been given time to pause, to enjoy a more relaxed pace, to open our eyes and hearts to those around us, and to the beautiful world around us. I am so thankful this happened in the Spring, and not the Fall/ Winter holiday season or in the dead of Winter! How lovely to be able to garden, enjoy blossoms on trees and flowers blooming, grasses turning green and the sunshine warming us - well at least more than in winter! :) Anyway... I am treasuring this time to stop and "tend the roses" ...slow down and bring life back to the heart of what matters most - faith, family and home. Friends too -  but that's not so easy right now.) Life will get back to its bustling busy-ness at some point, and to be honest, I look forward to returning to at least most of the activity. But I will hold on to this precious time and the memories we have made. And maybe, just maybe, I'll take better care of my roses from now on as a reminder to take time and care for the beautiful things of life.

Post Christmas Blues

Does anyone else get the post Christmas blues or is it just me?

I miss the extra laughter, the extra music and the extra conversations that happen because everyone is around the house more.
I miss gathering with extended family multiple times to eat, hang out, play games and chat.
I miss parties, and bringing fun snacks to the parties, and not having to cook as much because of parties and extended family meals together.
I miss having extra help around the house and in the kitchen - which happens because there's no school, no homework and less work and sports practice.
I miss more rested and relaxed children and husband.
I miss Katie - now back at school and busy already, even though classes don't start until next week.
I miss the anticipation of Christmas morning gift time - all the planning and shopping for just the right gifts and watching faces light up when they are opened.
I miss staying up late and sleeping til I wake up.
I miss all the cheery decorations, and the pretty Christmas tree.
I miss Cameron coming over more often to hang out, since his schedule is easier and siblings are around.
I miss my Christmas mugs.
I miss receiving Christmas letters and cards and pictures of families and friends that I love.

On the flip side, I do like being back into a routine.
I like having a bit of alone time in the morning to reflect and spend time with God.
I like the more open, crisper, less cluttered look of the house with just the regular decor. And...hmmm...

Sorry to be so "Bah, humbug!". Just keeping it real here. :)

Dear Rosalie (On your water polo career)

Dear Rosalie,

Today I started going through all the water polo pictures over the years you have played in preparation for creating your Water Polo Memory Board that you will receive at the End of the Season Banquet next week. I started thinking of all the many amazing things you have learned, the wonderful trips you have been on, and the fun friendships you have formed and decided to write it all down for you, as it is all a very significant part of your life. (And to help this mama process the fact that you are now a senior and this is the end of an era for you. Sniff, sniff.)

I remember when you decided to play.... Spring of 8th grade year. You didn't want to be left out, with your sisters playing and your friends all trying it out, so you decided give it a try. You had never played a sport before (other than kindergarten soccer). You went for it! And liked it! I'll never forget though, that day you came home very upset because, due to lack of players, you were going to have to start playing with the high school team, and you weren't quite ready for that. But you stepped up and did your part. And as a freshman, you were a starter on the varsity team! That fall you wrote a paper titled "How Water Polo Changed My Life". In it you went into detail about all the good things water polo had provided for you. I still have a copy of that paper and will always keep it, as a reminder of the impact this sport has had on you. What a fun year that was, playing alongside your sister Katie!

The summer after freshman year, sister Natalie joined the high schoolers as well, and all three Kisling girls got to play together for the summer! That was such a unique and special experience in so many ways! And all of you (plus mom and dad) got to travel to Hawaii to play together! What an amazing trip that was!

Sophomore and junior year were challenging years for you where water polo was concerned. The girls who came in as freshmen right after you had all been playing for several years, and their level of experience meant that you now had to take a step back and let them play ahead of you. What tough times those were for you, yet very valuable, as it taught you many of the character traits I mention later. These years also provided you with great friendships, though, and those friendships from water polo carried you through some difficult situations, and gave you some fun times. :) Your team traveled to California, Washington, and different places in Oregon, and once again, we traveled to Hawaii in the summer after your junior year, for another wonderful time.

This senior year, I have seen so much growth in your confidence, ability and play time! It has been fun to see you find your stride, and play well. You are one mean machine when it comes to defense :), and you do such a great job guiding the younger girls when you lead second string in the water. I am so proud of you for all your dedication and hard work with this sport.

Here are some of the things I think are important to note, lessons you've learned, values and character traits you have developed.

Courage: Even you don't fully grasp the significance of you being a part of one of the most physically challenging, mentally stretching sports out there. Not many know the story of all that you have overcome in your life - (your beginnings can be found here in these past blog posts...http://momssongbird.blogspot.com/2010/03/story-of-rosalie.html, http://momssongbird.blogspot.com/2010/04/rosalie-story-continued.html, http://momssongbird.blogspot.com/2010/04/final-installment-on-rosalies-story-i.html). And that wasn't even the real end of the story! Anyway, to me, you are a wonder...courageous and brave and strong. Learning to speak up for yourself cost you, I know, but you learned to be courageous and speak up at times. And the way you take on any player in the water has always made me smile! It's as if you just say "Welp, gotta stop this girl so here I go!".

Dedication and Discipline: You have stuck with this sport, even when things were hard, when you didn't get the play time you wanted, when you had to be at practices at 6 am during the summer, when practices are on Saturdays, when weekend after weekend is filled with tournaments, when going meant you would see someone it was difficult to be around, when you were sick or tired or frustrated. Your commitment has been and is admirable. Not all who went through your specific situation would have stuck with it. So kudos to you!!

Kindness: I love watching you look out for younger players, being kind and welcoming to all. You truly are a sweetheart, and your kindness is evident in what your teammates communicated in their card to you on Senior Night. :) You shine Jesus well, sweetie. :)

Friendships! From Maddy O., to Isabelle, to Jordan and Taylor, to Amelia, "the Maddies" and many more, not to mention your sisters, water polo has provided you with some wonderful friendships! For this I am most grateful, and I know you will miss your water polo friendships even more than the sport - I think. :)

Travel: I can't believe where all this sport has taken you! California, Washington, all over Oregon, and especially two trips to Hawaii!! What incredible, fun experiences these have been!

Physical Fitness: I know you have appreciated the natural outcome of staying physically fit by doing this sport, and I know you will miss that as well. It has also taught you the importance of staying fit and active, and that, you will carry with you the rest of your life.

Well, this post is getting overly long. As we head into the state competition this weekend and as this season comes to a close, I am sad to see it end for you, but so blessed by all that it has given you, and so proud of you for all you have learned, accomplished and contributed throughout the last four + years of playing water polo. Love you so so much, Rose. ❤

I'll take that ball, thanks...

Not today, #2!     

Passing it on...