A Rocky Start to My Day

 I forgot to set my alarm last night. I got up an hour late. Yikes! Thankfully I had picked out my clothes the night before, which I usually don't do. I managed to get ready for the day in record time, and made myself a smoothie for breakfast because that's fast. I got to the car, set my smoothie on the dashboard in order to start the car and.... the smoothie slipped down the dashboard and glooped a big glop down, down, down. Onto the keys, onto the dashboard, onto my pants and eventually on down to the floor of the car. I may have sworn..... I immediately opened the glove box to see if by chance there might be any napkins in there and ... praise the Lord, there were! Now this smoothie was a berry smoothie, so it was a lovely dark purple color. Oh my. I made the quick decision not to run back into the house and try to change my clothes. I had a hard enough time trying to find an outfit that works for this cold in the morning warm in the afternoon weather we are having. So I cleaned up as best I could, and headed to work. I even made it to work on time! 

I asked a coworker how her morning was so far, and when I told her about mine, she was surprised I could be so cheerful with the morning I had had! I hadn't really thought about it but here's the deal. I made a choice this morning each time there was a glitch in my plans. I could choose to be grumpy about it, or find the challenge in making the best of it and feel the triumph of overcoming the odds. Granted, these are fairly minor challenges in the scheme of life. But overcome I did. And I could see the blessings of a Father who loves me too!

Here are the little blessings I got to experience this morning:

*I had picked out my clothes the night before, which was unusual. Maybe God knew my morning was going to be...well... abnormal. :)

*My hair has recently grown out enough that I was able to put it up to avoid spending time on it!         Woohoo! 

*The pants I chose for today are black, so the purple smoothie is more of a shadow instead of a big purple splotch. And the interior of my car is also black, so there will be no glaring purple stain.      

*I realized how much time I waste each morning on things like finding a podcast to listen to while I do my make-up, checking email and the calendar and Instagram updates, etc. while I get ready. Do I really need to do those things?                                                                                                                                

*There were napkins in the glove box! Lots of them! That's not necessarily a given! 

This is a rather surfacy post, but a very real one too. Recently I looked back on my blogposts for the last long while and realized they are more weighty than light. And I went back and read a lot of lighthearted, cute blogposts on my old blog from when the kids were little and really enjoyed the lighthearted stories. So I decided it's time to throw in some lighthearted fun in amongst the heavier, weightier, deep thoughts kind of posts. And to record the realness and humor of life in the little moments. :)

The rest of today promises to be a great day. I get to have lunch with Rosalie, and I get my hair cut right after work. We have leftovers for dinner, so no cooking necessary after I get home later than usual. A rocky start to my day can't ruin the rest of MY day! No sir! Not gonna happen! 

And oh.. it's a good thing it won't be too hot today.... I "may have" forgotten to put deodorant on in all the hustle and bustle.

Also, it's pretty outside. I love Fall!

Recurring Theme...

 What a sense of humor God has. It seems most of my posts in the last couple of years involve lots of change and transitions. I guess partially it's just a natural part of this stage of life. And partially because it's a big area of weakness for me.

The last week of July we went to Colorado to a reunion retreat with our little church from Texas. That's right. Families from a brief span of years long ago (well, 2006-2012 or something like that) who had gone to Hermit Basin in Colorado gathered together after many years to reconnect, fellowship, enjoy God's creation, learn from God's word, and more. What a rich experience! It truly was amazing and hard to find words to describe the deep connection we all felt. I think it is best described as a little taste of what heaven will be like.

We went hiking, white water rafting, bowling, and to some hot springs. We laughed and ate and talked to our friends from long ago. We had deep conversations and fun conversations. We heard how God had been at work in the lives of our friends over the years. I will cherish the memories from this week forever. Katie and Adam, Rosalie and Natalie came with us. We road tripped through Oregon, Idaho, Utah and Colorado and visited the Canyonlands National Park. The "kids" had a great time connecting with people they didn't even remember, and the Lord did wonderful things in their hearts, just as He did in mine.  It was such a cup filling time. And thank the Lord, because we hit the ground running when we got back home. 

The day after we got home, I had quite a shock. I can't go into details, for privacy's sake, but it rocked my world big time. ( I know... I hate it when people do that... mention some thing big that they can't talk about... just makes me want even more to know about it. So I apologize for being that person. 😬) It made me question a lot of things about who I am and have been. Not anything about my faith, just about expectations I have held for myself and others, and stuff like that. 

Thursday of that week, Alicia (Reid's mom) came to stay at our house. She has a slow growing cancer and has appointments in Portland every month or two. She stays with us when she comes up from Klamath Falls for those appointments. We are so blessed by our times with her. She's sweet and so appreciative. She stayed for a week this time, which was great, but the timing was hard, given that paragraph I just wrote about the shock I received. 

Our AC died that week too. Like dead dead. We need to replace the whole unit. It was over 30 years old anyway, but the timing of  course happened to be during the hottest weeks of the summer thus far. (As of this edit three weeks later, we have a couple of quotes, but are probably still a few weeks out from replacement. It's a first world - or as Cam pointed out, an American - problem). Definitely not one of my favorite situations. Definitely not something I can control. I am trying my best to keep a positive attitude about it. :)

During that week, Cameron came home from France! He will be living at home until he gets married in January. And I worried about him not having his own space for his first week home, etc.

And now it's Natalie's last week at home before we make the drive down to Fresno to take her to school. And Rosalie starts on campus school next week. And we have company through Thursday, and Reid is out of town until Wednesday, and we're going to the beach today (Monday), and, and, and... so it goes.

Between travel, school, work and social lives, people in our house are coming and going at such a rate that it's hard to keep track of. Things are happening so fast, and as my recurring theme of posts indicates, life is ever changing and in flux, and that is hard for me. So.... here is what I am learning from it THIS time. (Maybe it's slightly different than the previous lessons I've learned, maybe not, maybe just on a deeper level. I hope so!)

My counselor has been helping me walk through these life transitions.. from stay home mom and managing a household, to working woman and mom of grown young adult children. She has helped open my eyes to the challenges I face in this transition. I'm learning that I have more of a problem with control than I ever imagined. (I kinda prefer the word managing to controlling, but ...🤷. :) ) Anyway,  here's the gist of it. 

    Life is always going to be evolving into some new stage.. ever changing, never the same, not something stable that I can land on. Routine is a bit of a pipe dream, unlike it was when the kids were little and life was more predictable and easier to manage. On some level,  I cannot control my circumstances. I definitely cannot control the circumstances and choices my family members make beyond the extent of my personal involvement required or asked for in any given situation. I only have control over my own choices and responses, where I put my trust, where I find my stability, etc.. So... I need to, want to find my stability and peace in Jesus and Jesus alone. I want to let go and trust Him with all the people I love, all the relationships I have, all the circumstances I face. (Did I mention that Reid had a heart attack in March? While he was in Dubai on a business trip? Talk about being out of my control! That's another wonderful story of God's faithfulness and care, but .. I digress...) GOD is in control. I just need to sit back, relax and watch Him work His amazing ways in everything. EVERYTHING. To LET GO of expectations. To TRUST. and WATCH. and PRAY.  

A Tribute To My Aunt Pam

 My mom's sister, Aunt Pam, went to be with Jesus on September 17th. It was unexpected, sad and a shock. Her memorial service was last Friday, October 29th. What an amazing service it was! She leaves behind a legacy of strength, joy, faith, generosity, love, friendship and music. My aunt, uncle, and cousins shared beautifully about her life and the impact she had on their lives and on the lives of the many people she counted as family and friends. And all 17 of her grandchildren sang a song or two from Wee Sing. Memorial services are hard. But beautiful. And they cause me to reflect on who I am, and what kind of legacy I hope to leave, who I hope to be in this lifetime that will have a lasting impact on my family and friends.

It was fun and interesting to me to hear little things like how she used to wake her kids up by singing "Rise and shine and give God the glory, glory!" I used to wake my kids up the same way when they were young. And how she played her little games.... 10 minutes of tidying up and then a little ipad game or read a page/chapter in a book. Pick up 10 things and then do something for you. My mom played those games too, and I forget to play them sometimes. Those little games make life so much more manageable! 

My Aunt Cindy and Uncle Larry, Pam's siblings, shared stories from when they were growing up, and gave us all some good laughs. :) Something about pushing buttons, and being irritating ;), but how as they went through adulthood, they became best friends. What a treasure.

Aunt Pam had a signature laugh. And she laughed a lot. She had a positive outlook on life, despite living through many challenges and hard things. She found joy and light in the midst of pain, both physical and emotional. I used to clean house for Aunt Pam, and every time, my first hour or so of "work" was a cup of coffee and talking about my family and hers and what we were learning in our relationship with the Lord. Whenever I was worried or sad about something going on in my life, she had a way of reminding me that God is at work, and helped me find the silver linings, the bright spots in the hard times, and encouraged me to find joy in the midst of the trials. 

Aunt Pam was always growing in her faith. She would tell me of the things she was learning, share Bible verses, snippets of books, prayers, sayings and songs that she found profound and encouraging. She would share answers to prayers she had been praying and often we would pray together over our families and the hard things they might be going through. 

Aunt Pam co-authored Wee Sing, a series of children's music books, tapes/CDs and videos along with her friend and colleague Susan Nipp. My kids grew up listening to and watching Wee Sing. At night they would fall asleep to the Wee Sing Bible stories and music. In the car we would sing along to various tapes - Wee Sing in the car was a favorite for road trips. Each day, the kids would watch one 1 hour Wee Sing video for their media time for many years. We had a daily "rest time" when my youngsters no longer napped, and they would listen to a Wee Sing CD (one hour long) and could come out of their rooms when the CD ended. (That allowed mommy a break to either nap or get some stuff done!) And to this day, at least monthly it seems, our family inevitably references a song, or a line from a video from Wee Sing. :)

Aunt Pam was independent and strong. Sometimes to a fault. :) I'll never forget the day I was cleaning and she called to me from her bedroom asking if I could come help her. I stepped into her room to find her on the floor moaning, but laughing. She had tried to flip her mattress by herself (don't know why she didn't just ask me to help her! :)) and had fallen in the process. We had to use her rolling office chair to get her moved to a couch in the family room. I stayed with her until she was settled and my cousin Lindsay was on the way to help out. She just kept laughing and rolling her eyes (with a moan here and there) at her predicament. When I checked on her later that day, she let me know she had broken her foot! Lol! That would not have been my guess based on her reaction! Maybe a sprain or something.... anyway, that was a prime example of her independence, strength and joy in the midst of a painful situation. 

Aunt Pam had been through breast cancer, the same leukemia my mom died from, and a challenging marriage. I know these were extremely difficult things in her life, and at the times she went through these things, I was mostly away in Texas. So I didn't necessarily see how she walked these roads, but I know she was faithful, never walked away from God, and was drawn close to Him in all these situations. And that those walks required great strength of character, depth of faith, and a deep abiding Joy that did not depend on circumstances. Her four kids, their spouses, and her grandchildren are a testimony of her faith, strength and joy. 

As I looked around at all the people attending her service, it struck me what a friend she was to so many. There were people I knew (which just shows how much these people were around and part of her life if I recognized them!) from her high school days, her college days, women from her prayer group of 35 years, her "girls night out" ladies, her business colleagues, who all considered her a dear friend, and friends of her kids, who considered her a mom-like friend. 

Stories of the Beall family's generosity were shared, and over and over I was reminded of Pam's generosity in the lives of people I love and know, myself included. 

So as I reflect on the life of my Aunt Pam, which also causes me to reflect on the life of my mom, I feel incredibly blessed to be part of such a rare and amazing family. My grandparents and their parents before them have passed down a legacy that is worthy of living up to. I hope to carry on the legacy. A legacy of faith, joy, strength, love, friendship, generosity, music, and family.

Gentle Growing Pains

Years ago I stopped asking God for growth in my faith. I did so out of fear and not a good place. You see, every time in my life that I had asked God for growth, some huge, hard growing experience happened. Like when we had to live in Texas for 11 years - far away from all family and all things familiar. Like when Mom got sick and then died. Like when we experienced major church hurt when Reid was let go as a pastor. So, asking for growth became scary, and I just didn't do it. Please don't judge me. ;)

Well, it only took about 9 years for me to get to a point of asking God for growth again. Even still, when I was finally ready to pray for growth again, I asked God for growth, but please, could He just do it gently? God is faithful. :) He didn't have to answer that prayer the way He did, but boy am I grateful for His gentle care of me, and for the growth path He has me on currently. 

I am a person who likes routine. Transitions and change are not my favorite. In fact, I know I have mentioned that before in quite a few previous posts! I have even written the last several posts with that fact in mind! Ha ha! :) The whole last year and a half have brought nothing but transitions and changes, not only in my own personal life, but world wide as well! 

Right now (Wednesday, August 11) our family is in the middle of some pretty intense transitions. As of this very moment, here are all the transitions and all the things going on...

1. Cameron just left on a camping trip with his girlfriends' family and gets back Friday evening. He leaves Sunday for France!! He has been busy with all kinds of final preparations and goodbyes. So any last minute questions I have, things he needs, etc. have to be done now. Also, he has lived at home for the last year, and will leave a big emptiness when he leaves, both literally and emotionally! 😂 (At almost 6'7", he kinda takes up a lot of space :) )

2. We leave Wednesday the 18th (3 days after Cam leaves) to take Natalie to Fresno Pacific University! That situation has been in flux as to what all will be allowed. Originally, there was a whole family orientation day, with dorm move in, commissioning service, dinner for families, etc., and a lake retreat for freshmen Friday - Sunday. But as the days go by and the California COVID restrictions increase again, that has been reduced to letting parents help them move in on Thursday morning, and everything else family related either canceled or moved online. So it feels like our goodbye transition will be really quick, and I'm not excited about that. Also, for the last year, Natalie has been such a joy to me, my gal pal. I will miss her immensely! 

3. Rosalie returned home from Morocco last week. She had such an amazing experience! And she now has another group of close friends all over the place to stay connected with! She is to be the maid of honor in a wedding on August 28th, so as you can imagine she is busy trying to find a dress, plan a bachelorette party, and more. Quite a transition to go from 3rd world country to being in a wedding! On top of all her planning for the wedding, she is prepping to start college at George Fox (first year online) a few days after that wedding, and isn't sure how that will look - live at home? Try to move to Yakima and be near friends? ....so lots of transitions for her! (And maybe be my at home gal pal? ;) )

4. Katie just started a new part time job. She's an "ice cream girl". :) She works at an ice cream shop. She has August off in her master's program, but when September comes, she'll have a full load of classes. (While her transitions don't affect our home life too much, it does limit her and our availability for treasured facetime calls.)

5. Reid has been working full time at his new job, while still trying to finish up 4-5 consulting jobs and tying up a few loose ends at the seminary. He decided in the midst of all of it to take apart our tent trailer to replace the ceiling material so that we can loan it to friends for a trip they are going on. I'm super glad we get to help out our friends, and will be super glad to have the ceiling fixed! It's just that Reid is overwhelmed already, and that added activity added stress - to all of us and in all our relationships (we've had a higher than average amount of "tiffs" in our house lately! ;) - Just bein' real here.)

6. That leaves me... I am one month in with my increased hours at work (32 now instead of 20). Under normal circumstances, without all these extra stressors, it will be fine, I think. But right now it feels like a lot.... also, my coworker has been out last week and this week, so I am covering for her as well, making it closer to 40 hours/week. Again, totally fine normally, but I am barely hanging on with all the other things happening right now. 

(During much of this transition and chaos, my dad has been having some health struggles. He had prostate cancer surgery at the end of April. He was recovering quite well when three weeks later he ended up in the ER with a blood clot in his lung. After a week in the hospital, he was home and doing well again. Thank the Lord! Two weeks (or was it three?) ago, he was back in ER, this time with a blood infection and kidney stones. Another week in the hospital, and all is well once again. I felt inadequate to help, to be there for him and Mary, with all the other things going on. But they are so gracious and loving. I am so blessed by them. ❤)

Now, some people I know can live in this kind of what I would call chaos and manage it just fine. I am not one of those people. Lol! Today, I just about lost it right at my desk. I had forgotten to do something important for a family member, and they were frustrated with me, and I felt like I failed them. And like I am failing at keeping it all together and doing all the things I want to be able to do for people, and keeping all the schedules straight, and at being a good wife and mom. I'm not saying all of this to receive any sympathy. Please don't feel sorry for me. But instead, be encouraged that life just gets real sometimes for all of us, and all of us have our moments, days or even weeks where the world around us seems to be spinning too fast and even a little out of control. And we all fail at things we perceive we should be thriving at. It's ok. It's ok to fail. It's ok to be a hot mess sometimes.  It's ok when life feels chaotic and out of our control. God is still in control, always. He is faithful and will carry us through crazy seasons. And He loves us even when we are a hot mess. :) 

God is teaching me and growing me. In this season there are so many wonderful things happening! And all these transitions are good ones! They do come with some challenges along the way, but they are all good, wonderful things! I am having to let go of expectations (my pastor's wife likes to call expectations premeditated disappointments! So often true!) I am learning to find peace in my God's steadfastness and faithfulness during the chaos and not in my own ability to manage the world around me. (Seems this is a recurring theme for me!😂) Though it is hard, I am learning... slowly and not without hiccups, to lovingly (hopefully!) let go of my kids and let them fly in ways God is calling them to explore the world, their gifts, interests, hopes and dreams. I wish I could say I'm doing it well, and gracefully. It's kinda more messy than I wish, but hey... it's ok. Even though these changes and growth opportunities are hard on certain levels, they are all good and wonderful things! And in that, I see my God being gentle in answering my prayer for gently growing me. 

Updates!

 

At the time of my last post, Reid was jobless, I had begun permanent part-time status at George Fox, Cameron was patiently awaiting clearance for his trip to France, Katie was set to graduate and then work for a while before she started her master's program, Rosalie had lost her tuition benefit at Corban and we didn't know what would happen next, and Natalie was muddling through her COVID senior year. Phew! Once again, a lot has happened since my last post, and I am excited to finally be at liberty to share all the wonderful goodness that the Lord has brought our way!

Reid kept busy with consulting jobs and some teaching at Western from February through June, but as of July 1, he is now working for a software company called Stellic. I'm not super knowledgeable about the techy side of life, so I'm not entirely sure what all his job entails. I know he is in a leadership position and helps the teams work together to accomplish the vision of the company. He is in a job where his skills, gifts and talents are celebrated, which was my hope for him! The great thing is, he works from home! While this creates some challenges, such as the fact that we don't have an office space at home so he is in our living room all day (!), we are so thankful that we do not need to move at this time! And that he has been given a job that is new and exciting and fun, has a great team of people to work with, and provides well! Praise God for His amazing provision! 

As of July 1, my job status changed as well! I moved to 32 hour full time in my position at George Fox! I never thought I would return to the work world in this way, but I am excited to be helping people, loving on students and having something worthwhile to fill my time since I will no longer have kids at home (at least not in the same capacity as in the past ;). After 24 years of being a mostly stay home mom, this will be quite an adjustment, but I am thankful for the slow transition I have had, and am ready for the challenge and the opportunity! This also increases our tuition benefit which will impact Rosalie's choices (see her section of this post).

Cameron has all his funds raised and will head out next month for France! While it was somewhat frustrating to be "stuck", even he will tell you he is so thankful for the year at home. He had time to kind of "re-set", got involved with a couple of men's Bible study groups, worked, and has been able to be around for family celebrations and things he would have otherwise missed. There is also a special someone in his life, and while the coming year apart will be difficult, having some time together to grow their relationship has been really good for them!

Katie graduated with high honors from Fresno Pacific University, and three days later started her master's program in counseling at Western Seminary (Yep, where Reid worked). This was not her original plan, but due to certain circumstances, it became necessary to start right away. She is loving her classes! Right now they are fully online. She is living in Fresno, involved in worship ministry and more at her church and will begin looking for a part time job soon. She moved into a new apartment that is part of the ministry of their church, and has free rent and utilities in exchange for ministry work - forming friendships within the complex, which is right across the street from her church. (What a cool idea for ministry!) She too has a special someone in her life. He lives in Fresno, so you see why she would want to stay there. ;) (On top of all the other reasons.) She was just home for a week and half. It was such a wonderful gift to have her home and spend time with her! Adam, her special someone,  was here for part of it, and it was good to get to spend some relaxed time with him too! 

Rosalie is in Morocco! She will be there a full month on a mission trip with Royal Servants. She was all set to go on a Royal Servants trip last summer to Europe, but of course that was canceled due to COVID. In her own words, she is much better prepared to be on this trip this year, and is glad to be on the Morocco trip instead of the Europe trip. (Europe was still not open.) In her time at ACTS this spring, she decided that at least to start with, she wants to pursue a degree in Interior Design. With the tuition benefit that I receive at George Fox helping even more with my new full time status, and the opportunity to live at home to save money while going to school, she has decided to attend George Fox this coming Fall! She will do the first year online program, to save even more money. We are praying that she will be able to find super affordable living and a part time job in Yakima, where many of her friends from ACTS live, to help make the online experience a bit more enjoyable this first year, with plans to live at home and attend on campus classes the following year.

Natalie finished up her weird senior year. :) Her water polo team finished as champions in their modified season! She graduated a valedictorian and gave a killer speech at their IN PERSON (students only) graduation. (Yep, that was a brag :) ) It has been a very unique year. Seniors missed out on a lot. But Natalie did a good job of going with the flow and excelling at everything she had going on in spite of the less than appealing conditions. She is still working as a nanny, is giving private swim lessons, has lots of house sitting jobs, and is playing club water polo this summer before she heads off to college next month. 

Anyway, phew! That was a lot of updates and changes! I am so stinkin' proud of everyone in my family for how they have handled all the stress of upheaval and different transitions these last several months. We trusted God for good things, and boy did He deliver! I love that Guy!!! :) 

Twists and Turns

(Disclaimer.... this post is quite lengthy! Skip what you want... I mostly added everything for my own sake of remembrances. :) )

 Life is sure full of twists and turns, especially these days! I just reread the Christmas letter that I wrote for 2019. Ah, 2019 was such a good year! (see letter here..2019 Christmas Letter) Little did I know that just a few months later, life as we knew it would be turned upside down! We all know the challenges that 2020 brought us... missed proms, weird (but good!) graduations, lost sports seasons for the kids, online school, working from home, lost jobs, sickness, changed future plans, not to mention the fires, the long lasting smoke, riots everywhere, tumultuous political environment, etc.. I started a blog post about it, but never finished it. (I purposely didn't post this post, because it could be perceived as being insensitive to others who have suffered greatly because of COVID; experiencing deaths in their families, devastating loss of income, etc. This is just my personal experience, and my personal space to write about my family's experiences with it, so I do hope not to offend anyone, or cause anyone distress. 😳) Here is what I had written...

 Resilience. Strength. Perseverance. Kindness. Generosity. Support. Hope. As I reflect on 2020, these are the themes that return to my mind time and again. Maybe I see the world through rose colored glasses, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. :) I recognize there have been many hardships over the last 12 months, and that almost nobody I know has been untouched by the challenges our nation and world have experienced lately. But look through my rose colored glasses with me for just a bit and see what I see...

I see my children facing many disappointments with resilience, strength and perseverance. These disappointments range from missed proms, a very different graduation, job losses, online school, canceled sports seasons, and more. Yet through it all, they have grown, stayed mostly positive and have persevered. I believe the hard things they have had to experience this last year will make them better people. I believe they will come out of this stronger, with a deeper faith, more compassion, more aware of the sufferings of those around them, better able to empathize, and able to give of themselves to better the world and encourage the people around them.

I see our family spending much more time together, which at times can be challenging :) but most of the time is wonderful. And I see the bonds between the kids, between all of us, growing stronger as we spend more time together, doing home improvement projects, working puzzles, playing games, having movie marathons, cooking together, etc..

I see my friends serving myself and others by providing encouragement and meals when our family was sick with COVID a couple of weeks ago. And I know they have done this for others as well. I see them supporting each other and building each other up with encouragement and help whenever needed.

I see the generosity and kindness of my community as many support the small businesses in my town and help families and organizations in need. 

2020 was a doozy! COVID, losses, fires, and more. I can't say whether 2021 will be better. But I have hope. Hope that humanity can grow in generosity, kindness and strength. Hope that my family can and will continue to thrive and grow in the midst of hardship. Hope that we will all persevere and come out on the other side of all this better people with more to offer to those around us. And above all, I have HOPE. My hope lies in Jesus. He didn't promise us a better world. He didn't promise us prosperity, or safety even, or health. But He did promise that He is with us and will walk with us through whatever we face. 

So much of what was planned for in my 2019 Christmas letter changed! None of the kids went on their mission trips. Rosalie didn't go to Corban, but went instead to a gap year discipleship program. It has been an incredible blessing, and we see God's hand in taking her on that different path. She has grown so much in faith and confidence, has made some wonderful friends, and is very grateful for this experience. She will get to go on that mission trip she was planning on, but it may be to a different location, depending on COVID restrictions in other countries. We're not sure what it looks like yet. What's next for her, we're not sure... but we know it will be just what God has in mind for her, and it will be good.

Cameron hasn't left for France yet, but has been living at home, working and raising support for his year long internship with Greater Europe Missions. It has been so good to have him around! It's been an adjustment for sure, but a good one! :) He hasn't lived at home since he left for college 5 years ago! But I'm so thankful for this time with him, which we would not have had without the year + of COVID. He is on track to leave hopefully in June, depending on COVID restrictions and funding. (If you feel so led, you can support his mission internship here... (Support Cameron's Mission Internship) ) 😉

Katie moved back to Fresno after an extended summer (COVID closures brought her home from college in April. It was soo good to have her home for 4.5 months!) and has attended her senior year of college online, living off campus with 3 of her water polo teammates. Water polo is back in play for her, but on a limited schedule, and with no spectators. While we are so sad to miss watching her play her senior year, we at least get to see some of the games live streamed, which has been nice! She has received word that her graduation will be completely online, so we're not sure what celebrating that will look like. And after graduation, she plans to stay in Fresno, find a job, and hopefully start her master's degree sometime in the next year.

Natalie has been such a trooper! She has done her high school senior year completely online, no sports, no regular job, limited social life, etc.. Some of the perks, though, are being able to work out every day, a trip to Hawaii with her friends (!), and a little bit more laid back schedule. She just this week got a nannying job for a few hours a day, and they are paying her very well. And... she gets to go with them to Hawaii to help with the kids next week! There is no way that would be possible if she was at school, but with online school, she can do her work from anywhere! With all the disappointments of this interesting senior year, we are grateful for her fun experiences, and seeing how the Lord is providing for her. She is planning to go to Fresno Pacific for college in the Fall, and will be playing water polo at FPU. We are happy we will get to continue being part of a water polo family for four more years!

My job at George Fox has been great! I got to work from home the whole time that all the kids were around this summer. I have been given permanent part time status (instead of TEMP) which allows us to have medical, dental and vision coverage. This is a huge blessing, as we had been using a "major medical only" coverage, and will need this coverage moving forward, because....

Reid is in search of a new job! Western Seminary has a new president as of last month, and the new president let Reid know that he is moving in a different direction, and that Reid's position as VP of Student Development and Chief Information Officer is no longer necessary. Those under Reid's leadership will be moved under others, and so here we are... Reid is being compensated through the end of the school year, which will allow us some time to really search out a good fit for him. We have no idea if we will need to move, or get to stay here in our beloved Dundee/ Pacific Northwest.

Rosalie's tuition at Corban was one of the benefits of working at Western, so that no longer exists, which is why we are now wondering what's next for her. (Not sure we can swing the private university cost without big scholarships, or athletic scholarships like the other girls had. Cameron had the advantage of the free tuition at Corban.) We have seen God provide in amazing ways for each of our kids' college education, and so we are hopefully expectant as we wait to see what's possible for her. 

I am not very good at living in limbo :), so God is stretching my faith for sure! Having absolutely no idea what's next is a bit unsettling to say the least! Change is not my favorite. :) And I worry that if we move, my kids will feel like the new place isn't home, and I worry that we might have to move far away, and I mourn that we might not be able to be near extended family, and.... Boy, there are so many swirling thoughts and feelings that come with this change, I can't even... 

But here is what I know. We have been in this place before, and God provided above and beyond what we needed. I know that whatever is next is better than what we currently have (though better doesn't necessarily mean easier). I know that God is good. Our faith in His goodness is unwavering, and therefore, I continue to have HOPE. Hope for good things to come, hope for a new adventure, hope for a wonderful job for Reid where his gifts, skills and talents will be celebrated. Hope for good to come out of this time, these uncertainties. Now... we wait and watch for what He will do!!

The Only Constant in Life...

 It is said that the only constant in life is change. And holy moly, have we all seen a lot of change lately! It seems every day there are new COVID updates and changes that affect our every day routines and practices. On top of all that, our entire world as we know it seems unstable right now in many other arenas. In the Kisling family, we have experienced many of these changes caused by the state of our world right now. But on top of all of that, August 1st - 23rd (three short weeks!) have brought a storm of changes, both good and hard. I'm feeling kind of tossed about, with no solid place to land. 

August 1st: Angel, our family dog for the last 13 1/2 years, tripped a few times, had a very bloated tummy, slept all day and wasn't breathing right. We took her to the vet, and they let us know she was suffering from cancer and it was her time to go. : ( (sorry- that's the very short version..)

August 2nd: At 7:30 am, we all sat with Angel at the Vet's office as she fell asleep, and breathed her last. Oof! It was such a hard thing!(again - the short version..) But God is good. We were just about to leave for a week of vacation, so it is so good that it happened before we left, and not while the housesitter was there. It happened so fast... no long drawn out process for Angel. All four kids were home and able to be there with her. One week earlier or later and that would not have been the case. We miss her very much. :(

August 3rd: We arrived in Thousand Oaks, CA and attended the first wedding of the Meyers family grandkids. Our nephew Andrew married a beautiful (inside and out!) young lady named Taylor. It was such a beautiful wedding, and a joy to hear the tributes to both of them and the families they were raised in. Again, God is so good!

August 4th: We started the morning catching up with a friend of both mine and Reid's from high school. It was so good to catch up with Rick. Their family is in the midst of some big changes as well.

We spent the afternoon and night with my cousin Hilary's family. The girls all had so much fun together, and we were there during the beginnings of what promises to be an incredible journey for their oldest daughter, Claire. (Check out her song, Backyard Boy! #shamelessplug :) ) Also while we were there, Hilary and I had some really good conversations. She's such a gem!

August 5th: We visited Westmont College for Natalie, assuming it was a non-possibility because of the cost, but worth stopping by since we were in the area. She loved the school, and they have some awesome opportunities, the elementary ed. program seems awesome, and the scholarship opportunities look promising! There may be an unexpected shift in what's possible for her next year!

Then we spent the next two evenings with long time friends, the Linebargers. It is always refreshing, fun and relaxing to be with them.

August 7th: We moved Katie into her off campus apartment in Fresno. So exciting! We are so happy to see her settled in with three other great girls in a brand new apartment not far from all the places she needs to be! But... this marks the end of an era.... Katie will most likely stay there in Fresno from now on... no coming home for the summer anymore. It's as it should be, but, oh! my mama heart! :) I'm so grateful for the extra time we had with her this year since she came home early due to COVID.

August 8th: We returned home from a very fun and full vacation. Cameron (who had moved home while we were gone and will be there until February when he will leave for a year long internship at a Christian camp in France) had let us know that our cat Mimzie had been missing for a couple of days. She never returned and we think a coyote got her. : ( She was my cuddle buddy, so I'm missing her.

August 9-16 was spent shopping, going through things, making check lists, and finishing last minute tasks as we prepared to take Rosalie to ACTS. Busy, busy, busy!

August 17th: Reid's mom Alicia came to stay with us for a few days because she had an appointment in Portland. It was special to have her here for a few days, even in the midst of all the crazy going on.

August 20th: I moved my work equipment from home and went back to work at my George Fox University office. I'm still working more than my usual hours for now, and it is big adjustment. I miss being at home all day with all my people, Moose dog and O'Malley cat. 

August 21st: Reid, Rose, Nattie and I got blizzards and went up to Bald Peak to watch the sunset and star gaze. It was our last hang out time with Rose before she left on Sunday. There was much laughter, beauty and falling stars! 

August 23rd: We drove to Tieton, WA and helped Rosalie set up her room at ACTS, visited with her roommates, ate dinner together, had a time of worship and heard what she will be experiencing over the next 4 months, and then left her there. Ah! How can this be?! It is wonderful to have peace knowing we left her in a place where she will be loved and nurtured, where she will grow deeper in love with Jesus, and is living in such a beautiful place. But it's weird not having her around. There's another girl shaped hole in our family home now. Natalie mentioned that she and Rosalie have never been apart from each other for longer than a week. : o That will be an adjustment for sure!

Also, Austin, our gym coach is moving to Utah this week! For the last year and a half, Austin has pushed, encouraged and guided me and our whole family in all things fitness. I had never really done much for exercise besides walking, so to lift weights, run, do chin ups, box jumps, burpees (yuck!) and all that has been a new, challenging and rewarding experience, and Austin made it fun. :) Now what?!

And so... here we are. I keep hoping things will settle into some kind of routine, but I'm not sure when or if that will happen in the next several months. We're getting a kitten tomorrow. :) Another change, but I'm hopeful it will be a fun, sweet distraction and comfort.

I began with the saying "The only constant in life is change." But I know another constant. And it is this other constant that gives me assurance that I am safe and cared for, even when my world is rocked and it feels like there's no place to land. God is constant. God is MY constant. Constant Comfort, constant Strength, constant Peace, Wise Counsel, Listener, my Rock, my Hope. He never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I know He's got me. I know He's got my people. I know I'm growing through all of this. I know I will be a better person, stronger in my faith because of experiencing all these changes. God is teaching me, one who loves routine and planning, to live in the moment, to take things one day at a time, to find things to be grateful for in the middle of the storm, and to find joy and look for the good during this tumultous time. Also, it reminds me how much I need grace, and how much I need to extend grace to others. :)