What a sense of humor God has. It seems most of my posts in the last couple of years involve lots of change and transitions. I guess partially it's just a natural part of this stage of life. And partially because it's a big area of weakness for me.
The last week of July we went to Colorado to a reunion retreat with our little church from Texas. That's right. Families from a brief span of years long ago (well, 2006-2012 or something like that) who had gone to Hermit Basin in Colorado gathered together after many years to reconnect, fellowship, enjoy God's creation, learn from God's word, and more. What a rich experience! It truly was amazing and hard to find words to describe the deep connection we all felt. I think it is best described as a little taste of what heaven will be like.
We went hiking, white water rafting, bowling, and to some hot springs. We laughed and ate and talked to our friends from long ago. We had deep conversations and fun conversations. We heard how God had been at work in the lives of our friends over the years. I will cherish the memories from this week forever. Katie and Adam, Rosalie and Natalie came with us. We road tripped through Oregon, Idaho, Utah and Colorado and visited the Canyonlands National Park. The "kids" had a great time connecting with people they didn't even remember, and the Lord did wonderful things in their hearts, just as He did in mine. It was such a cup filling time. And thank the Lord, because we hit the ground running when we got back home.
The day after we got home, I had quite a shock. I can't go into details, for privacy's sake, but it rocked my world big time. ( I know... I hate it when people do that... mention some thing big that they can't talk about... just makes me want even more to know about it. So I apologize for being that person. 😬) It made me question a lot of things about who I am and have been. Not anything about my faith, just about expectations I have held for myself and others, and stuff like that.
Thursday of that week, Alicia (Reid's mom) came to stay at our house. She has a slow growing cancer and has appointments in Portland every month or two. She stays with us when she comes up from Klamath Falls for those appointments. We are so blessed by our times with her. She's sweet and so appreciative. She stayed for a week this time, which was great, but the timing was hard, given that paragraph I just wrote about the shock I received.
Our AC died that week too. Like dead dead. We need to replace the whole unit. It was over 30 years old anyway, but the timing of course happened to be during the hottest weeks of the summer thus far. (As of this edit three weeks later, we have a couple of quotes, but are probably still a few weeks out from replacement. It's a first world - or as Cam pointed out, an American - problem). Definitely not one of my favorite situations. Definitely not something I can control. I am trying my best to keep a positive attitude about it. :)
During that week, Cameron came home from France! He will be living at home until he gets married in January. And I worried about him not having his own space for his first week home, etc.
And now it's Natalie's last week at home before we make the drive down to Fresno to take her to school. And Rosalie starts on campus school next week. And we have company through Thursday, and Reid is out of town until Wednesday, and we're going to the beach today (Monday), and, and, and... so it goes.
Between travel, school, work and social lives, people in our house are coming and going at such a rate that it's hard to keep track of. Things are happening so fast, and as my recurring theme of posts indicates, life is ever changing and in flux, and that is hard for me. So.... here is what I am learning from it THIS time. (Maybe it's slightly different than the previous lessons I've learned, maybe not, maybe just on a deeper level. I hope so!)
My counselor has been helping me walk through these life transitions.. from stay home mom and managing a household, to working woman and mom of grown young adult children. She has helped open my eyes to the challenges I face in this transition. I'm learning that I have more of a problem with control than I ever imagined. (I kinda prefer the word managing to controlling, but ...🤷. :) ) Anyway, here's the gist of it.
Life is always going to be evolving into some new stage.. ever changing, never the same, not something stable that I can land on. Routine is a bit of a pipe dream, unlike it was when the kids were little and life was more predictable and easier to manage. On some level, I cannot control my circumstances. I definitely cannot control the circumstances and choices my family members make beyond the extent of my personal involvement required or asked for in any given situation. I only have control over my own choices and responses, where I put my trust, where I find my stability, etc.. So... I need to, want to find my stability and peace in Jesus and Jesus alone. I want to let go and trust Him with all the people I love, all the relationships I have, all the circumstances I face. (Did I mention that Reid had a heart attack in March? While he was in Dubai on a business trip? Talk about being out of my control! That's another wonderful story of God's faithfulness and care, but .. I digress...) GOD is in control. I just need to sit back, relax and watch Him work His amazing ways in everything. EVERYTHING. To LET GO of expectations. To TRUST. and WATCH. and PRAY.
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