Dear Rosalie (On your water polo career)

Dear Rosalie,

Today I started going through all the water polo pictures over the years you have played in preparation for creating your Water Polo Memory Board that you will receive at the End of the Season Banquet next week. I started thinking of all the many amazing things you have learned, the wonderful trips you have been on, and the fun friendships you have formed and decided to write it all down for you, as it is all a very significant part of your life. (And to help this mama process the fact that you are now a senior and this is the end of an era for you. Sniff, sniff.)

I remember when you decided to play.... Spring of 8th grade year. You didn't want to be left out, with your sisters playing and your friends all trying it out, so you decided give it a try. You had never played a sport before (other than kindergarten soccer). You went for it! And liked it! I'll never forget though, that day you came home very upset because, due to lack of players, you were going to have to start playing with the high school team, and you weren't quite ready for that. But you stepped up and did your part. And as a freshman, you were a starter on the varsity team! That fall you wrote a paper titled "How Water Polo Changed My Life". In it you went into detail about all the good things water polo had provided for you. I still have a copy of that paper and will always keep it, as a reminder of the impact this sport has had on you. What a fun year that was, playing alongside your sister Katie!

The summer after freshman year, sister Natalie joined the high schoolers as well, and all three Kisling girls got to play together for the summer! That was such a unique and special experience in so many ways! And all of you (plus mom and dad) got to travel to Hawaii to play together! What an amazing trip that was!

Sophomore and junior year were challenging years for you where water polo was concerned. The girls who came in as freshmen right after you had all been playing for several years, and their level of experience meant that you now had to take a step back and let them play ahead of you. What tough times those were for you, yet very valuable, as it taught you many of the character traits I mention later. These years also provided you with great friendships, though, and those friendships from water polo carried you through some difficult situations, and gave you some fun times. :) Your team traveled to California, Washington, and different places in Oregon, and once again, we traveled to Hawaii in the summer after your junior year, for another wonderful time.

This senior year, I have seen so much growth in your confidence, ability and play time! It has been fun to see you find your stride, and play well. You are one mean machine when it comes to defense :), and you do such a great job guiding the younger girls when you lead second string in the water. I am so proud of you for all your dedication and hard work with this sport.

Here are some of the things I think are important to note, lessons you've learned, values and character traits you have developed.

Courage: Even you don't fully grasp the significance of you being a part of one of the most physically challenging, mentally stretching sports out there. Not many know the story of all that you have overcome in your life - (your beginnings can be found here in these past blog posts...http://momssongbird.blogspot.com/2010/03/story-of-rosalie.html, http://momssongbird.blogspot.com/2010/04/rosalie-story-continued.html, http://momssongbird.blogspot.com/2010/04/final-installment-on-rosalies-story-i.html). And that wasn't even the real end of the story! Anyway, to me, you are a wonder...courageous and brave and strong. Learning to speak up for yourself cost you, I know, but you learned to be courageous and speak up at times. And the way you take on any player in the water has always made me smile! It's as if you just say "Welp, gotta stop this girl so here I go!".

Dedication and Discipline: You have stuck with this sport, even when things were hard, when you didn't get the play time you wanted, when you had to be at practices at 6 am during the summer, when practices are on Saturdays, when weekend after weekend is filled with tournaments, when going meant you would see someone it was difficult to be around, when you were sick or tired or frustrated. Your commitment has been and is admirable. Not all who went through your specific situation would have stuck with it. So kudos to you!!

Kindness: I love watching you look out for younger players, being kind and welcoming to all. You truly are a sweetheart, and your kindness is evident in what your teammates communicated in their card to you on Senior Night. :) You shine Jesus well, sweetie. :)

Friendships! From Maddy O., to Isabelle, to Jordan and Taylor, to Amelia, "the Maddies" and many more, not to mention your sisters, water polo has provided you with some wonderful friendships! For this I am most grateful, and I know you will miss your water polo friendships even more than the sport - I think. :)

Travel: I can't believe where all this sport has taken you! California, Washington, all over Oregon, and especially two trips to Hawaii!! What incredible, fun experiences these have been!

Physical Fitness: I know you have appreciated the natural outcome of staying physically fit by doing this sport, and I know you will miss that as well. It has also taught you the importance of staying fit and active, and that, you will carry with you the rest of your life.

Well, this post is getting overly long. As we head into the state competition this weekend and as this season comes to a close, I am sad to see it end for you, but so blessed by all that it has given you, and so proud of you for all you have learned, accomplished and contributed throughout the last four + years of playing water polo. Love you so so much, Rose. ❤

I'll take that ball, thanks...

Not today, #2!     

Passing it on...    

Mother's Day and Other Recent Celebrations

I didn't post anything on social media for Mother's Day. Not about my mom. Not about my Mary mom. Not about my kids. I started to a few times, but ... it just didn't happen. I couldn't find the right picture or the right words. All the recent pictures I have of the kids together are ones I've already posted because, well, they just aren't all four together at the same time that often anymore. I admit, I was a little jealous of all the posts that people's kids posted about their moms. But three out my four children have deleted their social media accounts, and the fourth one doesn't post much. So there's that. And I just didn't quite know what to say. I love my mom in heaven and I love my mom that's here. I love being a mom. But when I started to expound on any of those points, I just couldn't say what I wanted to say without sounding some way that I didn't want to sound. (Nice sentence! lol! And also, I didn't realize I had let social media's grip of certain expectations and pressures lay hold of me!)

We had a good day for Mother's Day. We went to church and then spent the afternoon at my parents' house with most of our extended family. Reid and Cameron worked together on a project in the backyard for me, and in the evening I helped Reid finish it up. (I'll post a picture if I can figure out how..) I'm really thrilled with the finished product!  It was a peaceful evening. The kids gave me a note-card with little notes from them in it. They are precious to me, those little notes. Just a sentence or two from each child, but insightfully expressing what aspects of my mothering touches each one the  most. We finished off the evening watching TV together, and then Reid and the girls humored me and came and sat in my new little backyard haven with me for just a few minutes before we got too cold. Not super exciting, or Pinterest worthy or anything. But lovely to me. :)

Last weekend Cameron graduated from college! This is kind of Mother's Day-ish material to me. Because how the heck do I have a 22 year old college graduate as one of my children?! Cameron is one amazing young man in my eyes. He has had some significant struggles over the last couple of years. But through it all, he has remained devoted to God, a kind and supportive friend, son and sibling, a big part of his campus life, and a successful student. He is growing and changing and becoming, and it is wonderful to watch. It will be fun to see what path the Lord has for him in the next several years. In case one wonders, for the next year he will be an intern at Camp Tilikum which is just outside of Newberg. It will be nice to have him close to home, and I look forward to seeing him every week or two for dinner and hanging out time.

Three days after Cam graduated, Katie turned 20! A new decade! Another one of those mom feelings- how is she 20?! She has grown so much over the last year! Her heart for God and others is ever increasing, and it's such a joy to see her blossom! I love having her home for the summer! She brings life and laughter to our home, and so much more. I only wish I could hold on a little longer, a little tighter, and not have to let her go again once August comes. (More Mother's Day-ish material... it doesn't seem that many people acknowledge the loss we mothers feel when our little birds leave the nest. Yet... we have poured into and received blessing upon blessing from these precious lives for 18+ years, and then all of a sudden they leave. And they leave a big void. And it's sad. There. I said it. Amidst all the excitement for their futures, all the good that it is to let them spread their wings and fly, we moms face a loss along with the excitement and joy. But it's a good kind of hard.) I will cherish this summer with Katie. Who knows what next summer will hold?

It's been a Spring full of milestone celebrations....along with Cam graduating and Katie entering a new decade, Natalie turned 16, got her license and got a job. And Rosalie turned 18 and is looking ahead to her senior year in high school. All four kids seem to be maturing into caring, conscientious, faith-filled people, for which I am very grateful.  It all happens so fast. I always want to be intentional in these moments, yet they seem to fly by, and I'm never sure I've given them the attention they warrant. So I just hang on for the ride, whispering many a prayer as time flies by, hoping I give each meaningful moment its time in the spotlight of life. Mothering is such a roller coaster ride! Joys and sorrows, struggles and victories, highs and lows, pride and humility. I love this roller coaster called Motherhood. And I love riding it with Reid beside me. And I wish a belated Happy Mother's Day to everyone who has a mother, is a mother, wants to be a mother, aches to be a mother...well...to everyone. :)

Hi-Ho! Hi-Ho! It's Off to Work I Go!

I get to go work at the information services desk at George Fox University!! How did this come about? Some will call it coincidence. Some will call it good Karma. Some will say it's nothing at all. I call it the Hand of the Lord, leading and guiding, weaving a tapestry together with threads that I would not have imagined would become intertwined.

Thread number one: A few years ago I began walking with my good friend "W". Off and on we would talk about her part time job and the fact that there are often other offices in her building who need part time help. She would ask if I was interested. I would say, I wish, but I just can't commit to 20 hours a week along with the other little jobs I do as well as working until 5 pm several days a week and 20 hours during the summer months when the kids are home. (Reid and I have always committed to me generally being home when the kids are home, no matter their age. It takes sacrifice and a whole lot of other things, but we have been fortunate enough to make that work for our family. I realize that this is a personal commitment, and I admire both moms/dads who stay home as well as those who leave the house for their work. Both are challenging in their own ways!)

Thread number two: Several years ago, one of my part time jobs was temping for "B" at the information services desk at George Fox University. This was a great job, even though there were times it required me to be gone until 5 in the evening. At the same time, I had another small part time job that only required me to work during the school day, and was super flexible. This combination worked great for a couple of years - doing these two jobs as well as cleaning for my aunt every other week and continuing the small non-profit job I do from home. However, there came the year that Natalie was in eighth grade, and whenever I worked at Fox until 5, she had to come home alone and be alone until 5, while the other kids were at sports practice and I was at work. It happened often enough that it really bothered me, and since the "during the school day" job seemed pretty steady, I decided to let the temp job at Fox go. Over time, the steadiness of the "during the school day" job became more of a sporadic thing, as it was a more seasonal kind of job. It was all fine. We weren't dependent on the money I made, though it really helped with extras.

Thread number three: Two Falls ago, Katie went off to college, and Natalie became a freshman in high school. I found myself alone at home most days from 7 am until 6 pm, when Rosalie and Natalie got home from sports practice and Reid arrived home from work. It drove me crazy and I began to pray about how God would best have me use all of that time. I discovered there was a Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) Bible study in Newberg and found great joy in the relationships I found there, as well as wonderful Bible teaching. And that was a great way to spend a few hours every week. Then this Fall I became a small group facilitator for BSF, which added several more hours and more wonderful relationships to my plate.

Thread number four: At the end of the school year last year, Natalie came home with several tragic stories some of her health classmates had shared about things they deal with emotionally and mentally, and my heart broke for kids who walk around with burdens we can't begin to know about. I felt compelled to apply for a full time position at the high school, hoping that I could be a smile, hug, friendly face, someone to talk to for some of those kids. I didn't get the job. And I'm so thankful I didn't get it!:) I realized this Fall that full time work along with the little nonprofit home job, and BSF and still striving to be the best wife and mom I can be would have been too much. (Kudos to those moms who are able to do all of it!) We have had some challenges over the last several months and had I had a full time job...well...it would not have been pretty. I put this thread in here, though, because it made me realize two things. One: full time work isn't a great option for me at this stage of life, and two: I realized I could be ready/open to a part time job if it came along, depending on several things; the type of job, how many hours it would involve, and my ability to still be home when the kids are home.

Thread number five: Over the last two months, Reid and I have been praying for provision and guidance with our finances. Our cars need replacing. Life is getting more expensive with two in college and two in high school. And we would love to be able to go on a trip here and there to see Katie play water polo. And Cameron graduates from college in April - we'd like to do something really nice for a gift. Etc, etc.....

Ok, now here's where things get exciting, and the threads begin to weave together! Last week I got a call from "B" at GFU asking if I would be interested in working for her for 15 hours/week starting in February! She said she had just spoken with my friend "W" (see first thread) who at one time had applied for a part time position at Fox. W told B that she was no longer available for a job, but asked if she by any chance knew Carrie Kisling.What!?! Of course B knew me, but didn't think I would be available for a job, since a couple of years ago I had left my temp job at Fox to do the "during the school day" job. What a connection! And what a great fit! B has already worked with me before, and I already know some of the ins and outs of the job I will be doing (thread number two). The hours are spread over four weekdays, and only one day will I work until 5 - the rest of the days I will be off at least by 1:30 (back to thread number one). 15 hours a week seems just right at this point, I always did enjoy the information services work at GFU, and B is a wonderful person to work for. I feel mentally prepared to start back to work in this capacity, and I feel that part of that was due to what I learned from thread number four. Also, I still get to be around students, albeit a little bit older, but I'm pretty sure kids with those same kinds of stories I heard from Natalie are all over that campus, and I will get to interact with some of them in this new job. My aunt is putting her house on the market this spring, and when it sells, she will no longer need my cleaning services. Although the timing is off just a bit, this new job will more than provide for the loss of income from cleaning. It's a huge answer to our prayers (thread number five)! Hmm... that leaves thread number three. I will no longer be able to be involved with BSF, and this makes me very sad. I will greatly miss the learning, and all the wonderful friendships that were growing. But as my BSF friend said..."I have a feeling the Lord will bring you back to BSF at some point in the future." That thread hangs loose for now, but not broken. And hopefully I will still see my BSF friends around town!

Isn't this all so cool?! I love looking back and seeing how God weaved experiences, prayers, thoughts and life situations together for this exact opportunity at this exact time. And it makes me appreciate my new job all the more, seeing how God wove all these seemingly separate threads together to create just the right job.... for me.

Realflections on the "Kisling Family's 2018"

I'm not gonna lie. 2018 was a year with many challenges for us. I'm just keeping it real here on social media. We certainly don't have an Instaperfect life. Surprise! :) I'm also not gonna lie again. 2018 was a year full of blessings and good things too. I want to end this post on a high note, so you'll have to muddle through the struggles with me first. So here goes...

You know that sweet spot with cars... where they are all payed for and running well? Well, we have enjoyed several years of a mostly sweet spot with our cars. They are all ancient as far as car years go, and have served us well over the last many years. But the sweet spot is over, folks. In April, Reid's 1989 Honda Civic decided to stop running. Fortunately, Reid is quite the handy man and can fix most anything car related.... if he has time. And there's the rub. "Gold Bug", as we affectionately call that car, needs an engine rebuild. Something Reid can totally do, but with all the other things going on during this year, he has been unable to work on it. And so, poor Gold Bug has been in our driveway on blocks, without a hood, waiting for his little engine to be rebuilt. Yep, 9 months. (Thanks to Christmas break, and Reid having some time to work on car stuff, he is now finally nearing completion!)  Now, we are blessed enough to have 2 other cars, so being one down, while inconvenient, isn't the end of the world for us. Just a first world problem that feels like a pain in the neck. The real struggle comes when one of the other cars has problems while we only have two cars running. And that has happened several times while Gold Bug has been patiently waiting to be up and running again. Bear, as I not so affectionately dubbed our Excursion (because he lumbers, is clumsy, and is huge like a bear), has had some struggles this year. He had trouble on our Spring Break trip to Fresno, he died one day as I was driving Katie home from work this summer, and then again in Washington on our way home from Victoria. And he really died a week before Thanksgiving, and given time and circumstances, still sits in the driveway waiting for answers and to be fixed. Needless to say, that really becomes a stressful situation - costing plenty of money, having to borrow or rent cars, working around schedules to be able to drive places, costing lots of time, and conflict in our marriage (keepin' it real, here), etc... we're not sure what the final outcome of all this will be, but I think it may look something like replacing Bear and getting Gold Bug running, to last as long as possible before we need to replace him. Hopefully these things will take place in the not so distant future. In the meantime, we will continue to be thankful that Fletch, our 1993 Toyota Camry is still running strong (knock on wood) for now, and be thankful that in all these car dying incidents, we have always been kept safe, experienced much generosity from friends in the form of borrowed cars, and have found solutions.


Challenge number two came in the form of a blessing. Reid received a promotion at work! He is now the Vice President of Student Development and also Chief Information and Effectiveness Officer. I am so proud of him! This promotion is an awesome thing, but as would be expected, it comes with more responsibility. And as he restructures things, there have been times he has had to take on other positions to help ease work loads until new employees come in. This has been a big time commitment, adding to the hours Reid spends working evenings and weekends at home, and has also involved extra travel as Reid attends seminars and conferences to better understand all the positions he has had to fill in for. In fact, during the months of October, November and December, due to this and some other factors I will write about, Reid was gone from home 1/3 of the time.

There are some challenges we face that cannot be given too much attention in order to protect the privacy of our children, but suffice it to say that a some of our children have faced some significant challenges over the last several months, and that wears on our hearts and minds. We are thankful that God is always with them in the midst of their challenges,. He is working things for good in their lives, and we are seeing good changes and positive growth in their faith and character.

Our biggest "challenge" was the decline and passing of Reid's dad. During the Spring, Ed's prostate cancer began to take over after being staved off for many years. Again, I want to be real about this....along with the hard, sad, emotional and mental effects of this, there were some other challenges. For instance, while on some medication that caused Ed to be REALLY grumpy, he said some really hurtful things to Reid. And Ed didn't even recall saying those things. But we could tell that the things he said were real feelings, even if they were magnified by the medication. That was painful and hard to process. Extended family tensions and emotions ran high sometimes too, as is expected during times like this, and while Reid did his best, there were some hard things to deal with. Reid also spent as many weekends as he could in Klamath Falls, helping with a move, spending time with his parents, etc. We all made a trip or two at various times over the summer, to help out. They were good times. And important times. And they intertwined with all the other challenges we have faced this year, of time limitations, travel for Reid, money, car issues, etc. But we wouldn't trade the time we did get to spend with him before he passed away on November 29th. A memorial service was held December 29th, and it was a wonderful service. We were able to spend a couple of wonderful days with all of Reid's family - even his brother and family from Colorado! - and this is where we get to begin with the good things of 2018. Yay!

It's kinda funny. Our challenges often contribute to our blessings. Like getting to spend some good quality time with Reid's family while we all gathered for Ed's memorial service. And a promotion that comes with more time commitment. Because of all the traveling Reid does, our air miles and hotel points rack up quite nicely to provide us with some fun opportunities. Reid and I were able to go on two trips to California in the Spring to watch Katie play water polo and spend some time with her. We even surprised her on one of those trips, which was really fun! All those air miles also made it possible for us to fly Katie home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas - costing a whole $12 each time!

We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in June this year! To celebrate, in May we traveled to Victoria, BC for a four day weekend. It was so much fun! I love Victoria! We explored the Buchart Gardens, ate some really yummy food, walked through the Empress Hotel, went to a museum, watched a parade and wandered the streets and the harbor. Incidentally ;), the kids were there too! They had saved up money all year to go on a sibling trip, and thought Victoria would be a fun place to go, so we asked them if they wanted to go at the same time as us, and that's what they did. They drove their own car, stayed in their own hotel room, and spent one day wandering by themselves. That gave Reid and I time to ourselves for celebrating our anniversary and we got to spend the rest of the trip with the kids. The best of both worlds! And such a fun family trip!

We had kind of a strange summer, in that even though we went on several fun trips, we weren't able to go on any of those trips as a whole family (besides the Victoria trip in May). Weird for us. We had girls getaway with my SIL's, other mom Mary, and cousins while the guys went on man camp with the guys from the same family group, the trips to KFalls, and I went to California with the girls water polo team as a chaperone. The girls and I went camping with my parents, but Reid and Cameron were unable to join us. I hope next summer is filled with just as many adventures, but more together time. :)

Well, this post is getting overly long, so I'd better cut it off. The kids are all doing well... despite some of their challenges. Cameron is about to head into student teaching and finishing his senior year at Corban. I can't believe he'll be graduating from college this year!! Katie is a sophomore at FPU, enjoying being an R.A., all her friends and of course water polo. She switched majors and starting this semester will be majoring in psychology instead of math. Rosalie is a junior in high school, enjoying water polo and swimming. She learned to knit and made a really cool scarf this fall. :) Natalie is a sophomore in high school and is also enjoying water polo and swimming, spending time with friends, etc. They are all growing up fast, and their futures look bright! :)

This year has been an interesting one for sure. But I've learned and grown through it all. I am thankful for my Bible Study Fellowship ladies and the wonderful teaching of BSF, our family, our church, our water polo family, and all the friendships, love and support we have within those groups. Here's the deal. Life is/can be challenging. But the goodness of the Lord is found amidst the challenges. I see His goodness in the way He provides through friendships, financial blessings/gifts, the generosity and love of the people who surround us, and the growth we experience through challenges. I see His goodness in the lives of our children and how the grow and develop, and in the everyday joys, laughter and smiles all around me. And that's why in 2019, I want to focus on joy. I want to look for the good in each situation we face, whether it seems positive or not. I want to look for and enjoy the good in all of the people we encounter; friends, family, acquaintances and others. I want to look back at each day and find the positive, the good, the joy. Because I believe it's there. In every situation. In every person. In every day. In the challenges. In the fun. In the hard. In the good. So 2019, here's to positivity. Here's to enjoying the good. And here's to choosing joy! Cheers!

Psalm 27:13

"I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

Loss, Grief, and Hope

I'm not sure where to start with this post, so... I'll just go for it.

My father-in-law passed away last Thursday, early in the morning. He had struggled for several years with prostate cancer, and over the last couple of months had suffered a great deal of pain due to the spread of the cancer all over his body. Praise the Lord that his suffering is over and he is in Heaven with Jesus, feeling no pain, and in fact, full of joy and peace.

Reid and I traveled to Klamath Falls over the weekend and had a good time with his family. We sat with pastor Robin and heard/shared Ed's life story. There were some funny stories, some surprising things I hadn't heard or known before, and some great memories of what a good man he was. He was generous - often to a fault. He was wise, dedicated, loyal, hard working, and cheerful. It's good to remember, laugh, and be reminded of all the good in a person's life. We went through Ed's closet and chuckled at the number of belts, pairs of suspenders, and all the shirts with paint on them. We marveled at some of the treasures we found tucked away in drawers. We laughed some more, shared some more and remembered some more.

In a few weeks, we will travel back to KFalls with all our family, and we will attend Ed's memorial service and spend time with all of Reid's immediate family. Reid will be giving the message at his dad's service. I anticipate a precious time, though a hard one. It will be good to be all together, and to share in this time of sorrow and joy intermingled.

What I wasn't anticipating, was the revisiting of my own loss. (Maybe I should have seen it coming...) There we were, in the same church my mom used to attend with my dad, the church I spent my high school and college years in (and the church I met Reid in! :) ), talking to the same pastor who sat with us and recounted mom's life story when my mom died, receiving hugs from some of the same people who hugged me almost 9 years ago when Mom went to be with Jesus. One pastor's wife said "Kinda brings it all back, huh?" I hadn't yet processed it until that moment, but yeah... it sure does. ( Incidentally, it's the same pastor who married Reid and me 25 years ago, and the same people who have been a part of my life in some way or another since I was 15.)

I haven't felt so... hmm... affected by the death and loss of my mom for quite a while. I guess one never knows what will trigger it, and I suppose this loss of my father-in-law is a natural time to experience it. Usually I just kinda miss mom and wish she could take part in all the happenings of our family life the way she used to. But it seems I am missing her on another level today. I sure miss her wisdom and encouragement, her silly ways and happy spirit. I miss her attention to detail, her love of pretty things, how she interacted with her grandkids. I miss hearing her voice, her handwriting and the notes she used to write. I miss how she loved Christmas time; all the gifts, decorations, shopping, craft fairs, cookies, etc., the joy of the season of Jesus' birth.

I was feeling a bit guilty and selfish to be feeling my own loss while Reid and his family are going through this time of loss, but a friend told me to stop feeling that way. :)  Grief is an interesting thing..and my friend reminded me that none of what triggered my sadness was a coincidence. That God has His own ways and timing for things, and this is another step in my own healing and grief process (even though I thought I was past all that!) I found that so comforting. Thanks, Jillian. :)

This is a rather serious post for what is mostly a joyful time of year. But, I did start this blog as a place to process my feelings about losing mom way back in January of 2010. So what better place to think, to feel, to process? And it reminds me that Christmas can be a very difficult time for many people for lots of reasons. I imagine that joy and fun and family time and all the wonder of this season will wash over my sadness, and truly - I don't usually stay sad for too long,  but I hope to remember this place of sadness, that I may come alongside and bring comfort and understanding to those who find this to be a difficult season.

It seems to me that many people pass away during holiday seasons. I often wonder why, but I think maybe it is God's mercy to us, to surround us with family, joy and celebration during times that could otherwise be even more difficult to navigate. And maybe to comfort us and remind us that through Christmas - the birth of Jesus - came the hope of seeing our loved ones again some day.

This Everchanging Life of Ours

Life is so full of changes! Some of them fun and exciting, some of them hard, all of them good. Yes, all of them are good. The fun and exciting ones for obvious reasons. The hard ones because they cause growth and draw us to Jesus. Sometimes, though, I wish the changes could be a little more spread out. Recently I was talking to my wonderful aunt Pam (Mom's sister) and relating all the things going on in my life, our family life, and I realized that there is a lot going on right now in my life and in the life of the Kisling family! I'm not the greatest fan of change. God uses that in my life a lot. I'm not sure what He's doing this time around, but I'm trying to be patient and wait on Him.

Two months ago, we left our delightful oldest daughter hundreds of miles away at her new college; fresh faced, full of anticipation and excitement and nervousness. Oh what a good, hard day that was! Even harder is the lasting emptiness here at home without her cheerful, loving, goofy ways in and out the door all the time. Oh, but it's so good, too. She is thriving. Loves her school. Loves her water polo team. I am so thankful for where she is. She is loved there, having fun, and doing so well!

This year, Natalie entered high school. So exciting and she has adjusted as if it was no big deal. :) For me, that means no after school buddy, as she is playing water polo along with Rosalie. They leave the house in the morning (Rosalie driving!) at 7:15 a.m. and I don't see them most days until 5:30 or so.  The house is oh so quiet. But they are learning good things. They are learning the benefits of exercise, teamwork, having fun playing a sport, dealing with difficult people at times, and so many other good things by playing water polo (including self defense! Lol! Ever watched water polo? :) )

For twenty years, I have first and foremost been a stay at home mom. I have almost always had some sort of little part time job, but have always made it so that I'm available when the kids are home. Currently, the only little part time job I have is cleaning my aunt's house once a week. Well, other than my ARM Ministries job that I do from home. I had anticipated having more work outside my home this Fall, but things didn't work out that way. With two of the kids out of the house at college, the other two busy all day long, and with Reid being gone most weekdays from 5:30 a.m. until 6-6:30 p.m., I have A LOT of time by myself. Too much time by myself. Between you and me, I think it's causing me to go insane. ;)

Two of our kiddos have been through some hard things in the last couple of months. It's hard being the mama when our kids are hurting. I know - it's not about me, but every mama out there knows what I'm talking about. Hard change. But good, drawing to Jesus change. I pray I am pointing the way to Him, showing them how to turn to Him for comfort, strength and growth.

During the summer, we made a big church transition. We are part of a church re-start, kind of a church plant. That means we left behind our church family of 12 years. It is another of those good changes, and though as I get to know our new church family they are becoming new friends, I miss our family and friends at the other church.

See? So many transitions and changes! Some of them, well most of them pretty significant. And in all this change, I feel a little tossed and turned in the storm, a little lost, a little overwhelmed, a little empty. Oof dah! I don't want to be a whiner! I share these things mostly for myself. Because I know that I am going to look back at this post and see how God was working in each situation, how He was walking me through all these things with grace and love, how perhaps He was using this time to prepare me for something greater. I know He has a purpose for me in this time. Now if He would just show me what it is. :)

Wasn't It Just Yesterday?

Wasn't it just yesterday I held a tiny bundle weighing 6 pounds 8 ounces in my arms in the hospital on a Friday evening and we named her Katie Claire? We noticed how long her little fingers were, and how rosy her pretty little lips were.

Wasn't it just yesterday she jabbered at me in a language only her tiny self understood, from her stroller, telling me all about the pretty flowers she saw on our walk down the street?

Wasn't it just yesterday she and Cameron were playing "bomb squat guys", all dressed up in dark green towels and rugs?

Wasn't it just yesterday she attached socks to her head with a headband and played at being a puppy, lapping up water from a bowl on the floor?

Wasn't it just yesterday (at age 2) she asked Cameron if he wanted to play like they were paleontologists? (Thank you, Ms. Frizzle and The Magic School Bus!)

Wasn't it just yesterday that she stood on the little plastic toddler table in a princess dress, her arms raised high over her head, her wobbly high voice singing her favorite praise song "Lord I lift Your Name on High"? 

Wasn't it just yesterday I sent her off to kindergarten at the little private school down the road from our house in Dallas, Tx?

Wasn't it just yesterday she cried because she couldn't go to a school anymore where she would learn about Jesus? And wasn't it just yesterday she asked kids on the playground of her new school in Oregon if they knew Jesus? (And her teacher brought her books about the baby Jesus around Christmas time because she knew it would mean a lot to little Katie. Thank you Mrs. Senger, wherever you are today.)

Wasn't it just yesterday she brought home that plaster brontosaurus and the clay wolf she made at school?

Wasn't it just yesterday she and her siblings dug rivers in the mud under the trampoline and floated leaf boats down the streams?

Wasn't it just yesterday that she and her siblings made fairies out of moss and twigs, and made them fairy houses under the big tree in the front yard?

Wasn't it just yesterday that she honored her history by doing her Night of the Notables research and presentation on her ancestor Susan LaFlesche, first Indian woman Doctor?

Wasn't it just yesterday she started playing the oboe and did a good job at it? (Too bad she gave that up! :) )

Wasn't it just yesterday she started playing water polo, a tall gangly thing just learning the ropes?

Wasn't it just yesterday she went on her first trip without her parents - to Japan?!

Wasn't it just yesterday she went to Haiti days before we arrived and helped dig and prepare outdoor facilities for the team that was coming?

Wasn't it just yesterday she....
learned to ride a bike... played soccer... made beautiful art projects... went on her first date with a boy... learned to drive... got her license... went to Romania... went to Prom... came in the door most every day after school with a bright smile and fun news from her day...and oh so many more memories flood my mind today, her graduation day. This last school year has been a year of hard life lessons, adventures in college choosing, huge accomplishments, struggle, growth, pain, joy and everything in between. She graduates today with honors...a valedictorian...an honored athlete... but most importantly, a beloved child of God, a piece of my heart, my precious oldest daughter.

Her future is oh so bright! And though I have some sadness in my heart today as I reflect on all she has been, and who she has been and is in our family, I am excited to see what God does in the next exciting chapter of her life. College! In just a couple of short months, she will be off to Fresno Pacific University where she will play water polo and study to become a math teacher, or a P.E. teacher, or both, or something else. :) God will guide and direct her as she explores the world that lies before her. I love you, Katie girl! You may never understand the impact you have had and I'm sure will continue to have on my life and the lives of all of your family. Daddy and I are blessed and proud to be given the privilege of raising you. You are an amazing young lady!