Where Did That Come From?

This morning I was listening to the first Carrie Underwood album. OK, yes, it's true. Once in a while I get my country on, turn up the country music, warble at the top of my lungs and dance and clean the house. Usually when no one is home. :) (But sometimes when they are, and then they just shake their heads, roll their eyes, laugh and say "Mo-om!" Or if it's Reid, he just smiles. :) )

But that's not the point of this post. Today I was standing at the sink doing dishes, listening to Miss Underwood, minding my own business, when all of a sudden my throat constricted, my eyes got wet and my lip quivered. What? Where did that come from?

Well the song that was playing was "Don't Forget To Remember Me". The one about when the person in the song (Carrie, I assume) leaves home at 18. And her mom is crying and prolonging the goodbye, giving cash, a map, a Bible. And all of a sudden I saw myself in that position. That's where the wet eyes, tight throat and quivery lip came from. Because I realized that in just two short years my oldest chick will leave the nest. (Unless of course he decides to stay here and go to school locally to save money, which of course is what I have advised him to do. :) )

At first I thought, "How silly of me! That's two years from now!" But then I remembered the same kind of thing happening in my house when I was growing up. I even remember my mom talking about it and feeling a little silly. But here's the deal. As adults, we realize how fast time flies. Especially as our kids get older and life gets busier. And two years seems like just a blink in time. I know it will go by just that fast, and I will be the one prolonging the goodbye, holding back the tears, pride glowing, heart aching, as we leave Cameron at whatever destination the Lord takes him to. Until then, may Reid and I cherish every laugh, hug, tickle fight, and wrestling match; capture the interactions with 'the sisters'; love on him like there's no tomorrow; teach him to be a man of good character; etc. ( and may we do the same with 'the sisters'!)

Keepin' it Real

Maybe I'm alone in this. Maybe not. I have an admission. I lack self- discipline and internal motivation. There. I said it. Like my title. I'm just keepin' it real. Think what you like.

Specifically, I'm referring to housework (Well, and phone calls. I abhor making business type phone calls. Ask Reid. I don't even like to call in for pizza. What's with that?!). We all have it. Housework, that is. Some of us are great at getting it done, some of us enjoy getting it done, some of us hate it, some of us never seem to be able to get it all done. Some of us try self talk like "Do it for the Lord! Do it well! Be thankful that you CAN do housework and have a well working body to do it with! Come on, self! Put on your happy-happy-joy-joy face and just get to it already!" I have friends in all of the above categories. As for me, I think I kind of enjoy HAVING it done, it's just the actual doing that I have a hard time with. And the finished product goes a long way in helping me enjoy it. But I have a hard time getting started. (Can you guess which category I'm in? Yeah, I try the self talk method a lot. Sometimes it works.)

One of the things I really miss about Mom is that she was such a great cheerleader and motivator. She'd call me up and say "Let's play the 10 minute game! Then I'll call you back and we'll talk." We'd pick a chore, work at it for 10 minutes then take a visit break. She used to play all kinds of little games like that. 10 minutes in the kitchen, then a little section in a book. 10 minutes in the laundry room, then polish her nails. 10 minutes dusting and cleaning, then 10 minutes writing letters. Etc. (I need to play more games like that with myself!)

Yesterday, I was telling my friend Jeana about how I missed Mom's help in motivating and cheering me on to get things done. Guess what? She knows about the 10 minute game! She and our friend Becky play the game sometimes when they have a project that needs done and they are having a hard time getting motivated. Sometimes they even take before and after pictures and send them back and forth. How fun is that?!

So when I got home from being with Jeana, I texted her and told her that I was going to play the 15 minute game in my kitchen, which was a disaster. (The fifteen minute game is very similar to the ten minute game. The only difference is that you get 5 extra minutes. :) ) I took a picture, texted it to Jeana, set the timer and went for it. This is what I started with. Remember - I'm keepin' it real. Sometimes, well lots of times, I have a messy kitchen. It drives me nuts, but somehow, it keeps happening.

 Here are the results of 15 minutes of work. Of course my peppy music helped!

Do you see the difference? Isn't it exciting? When I texted this picture to Jeana, she responded with "Wow! I can see a big difference!" That Jeana - she's such an encourager! With the motivation I received from the "Once begun is half done" theory, plus the encouragement from Jeana, I.... WANTED, yes, WANTED! to do another 15 minutes! So I let Jeana know I was going for another goal, set the timer for 15 more minutes, and then.......

Wow! Jeana said she was honored to be my cheerleader, and told me I did a good job. I'm a sucker for praise, so that was really helpful and encouraging. :)

The reason I posted this, and shared my real life messy kitchen, is that I KNOW there are some of you out there like me. I would be happy to play the 10 or 15 minute work game with you anytime. If you have my number, text me. If you're on FB, message me. Or hey - I could always use more cheerleaders - you could just cheer me on, whether you do some work too or not. :) Or maybe it will just give you an idea to try on your own. Do some work, then reward yourself with a SHORT time of something you enjoy. This makes housework fun and motivating, at least for me!

Sorry - I know there wasn't much depth or interesting writing in this post. Just a dose of my reality for ya. And now I'm going to set my timer for 15 minutes to fold clothes and clean up my bedroom (which has lots of clean laundry in it). Then I'll take a break and either read or (ssshhh!) play Candy Crush for a FEW minutes. (Emphasis on few, self.... FEW!) Onward! In honor of Mom and her little game! :)

Mother's Day

Mother's Day... who knew that those two words, that day could hold such a vast array of thoughts and feelings in my heart? I was somewhat overwhelmed and definitely unprepared for all the thoughts and emotions that I experienced yesterday surrounding Mother's Day....

Celebration: I love being a mom! I have been blessed with four beautiful children and a wonderful husband, and that is a blessing worth celebrating! I love our little family's tradition of planting something new each Mother's Day. For many years we have planted a rose bush each Mother's Day, in honor of generations of rose garden lovers in my family. Last year we planted a peach (or is it apricot?) tree, and this year we are planting a Japanese Maple tree. Fun!

Heartache: All the while I am celebrating my own little world of blessedness, there is an underlying knowledge that not everyone experiences the joy in motherhood that God has given me. Many women are unable to have children, and have walked a long road of infertility, and I grieve with them. Some women have had to give up their babies for adoption, and I ache for them. Some women have a child with severe handicaps that are a challenge to live with day in and day out - a source of heartache and worry and sometimes fear for their little lives. Those are brave and wonderful women, and their children are precious. Still others have lost a child in death, and I can't even fathom their grief.  (Disclaimer: Please, please forgive me if I have missed a kind of mother's heartache!)

Sadness: Oh, how I miss my wonderful mom. She was my best friend, my cheerleader, my confidant. She motivated me, she inspired me, she encouraged me. She was cute and funny and silly, always positive, and wise. She suffered her illnesses with grace and faith. She loved my children like only a nana can, and had special relationships with each one of them. What a gaping hole she has left in our lives.

And yet, I am mindful of the many friends I know who have a broken relationship or no relationship at all with their moms. And I wish I could have shared my mom with them.

Thankfulness: I am so thankful for the years I did get with my mom, and that my kids were all old enough when she died that they still have special memories of her. I am thankful for my momma-Mary, whom my dad married almost two years ago. She has graciously adopted us into her heart and loves us well.

Responsibility: I was reminded yesterday through our pastor's sermon what a responsibility we moms have. To teach our children transparent tenderness, authentic spirituality, inner confidence, unselfish love, and self- discipline. To model a life well lived, that they may follow our example. To show them what it means to trust and depend on the Lord, in good times and in hard times. To teach them how to treat others, do their best in all they do, and how to navigate this ever changing world.

Mother's Day is truly a day loaded with all kinds of meaning. And..... I'm not sure how to end this well, and it's time to stir the granola in the oven, make the bed and fold some laundry so I can win my laundry race with Jeana and Becky, so..... guess it's just done. :) No eloquent ending, no words to ponder, no amazing thoughts or bits of wisdom. Just the thoughts in my brain, now written out, and an ending that is definitely real life. :) Here's to authenticity. :)

God is Driving

Oh, the irony! Earlier this morning I posted this on Face Book:

The longer I live, the more I recognize that I am in the passenger seat on this journey called life, and GOD is in the driver's seat. He sets the course, He leads the way, He shows me where He's taking me. It makes life a whole lot better when I live in light of this, and don't try to trade places with Him! :) (Take note - it doesn't come naturally! :) )

Now this has some more serious undertones, which I may write about in the near future, but it's funny to me how it even applies to my little daily tasks and plans. Take this week for instance. Every day so far this week, God has redirected my plans. Like this:

Monday: Laundry day! Go, go, go! Everything was going great until I decided to do a little trouble shooting on my own. See, there is some malfunction with our very old dryer. The buzzer goes off, but doesn't quit until you open the dryer door. This means one can't leave the house if the dryer is going. No big deal if one plans for it. One time when this happened, I just cleaned a bunch of lint out from below where the lint screen goes, and that seemed to fix the problem. So naturally, I decided to try that method again. Only this time, my fingers couldn't reach any lint, so I  used a duster handle to reach the lint, but couldn't pull it out. Instead, I shoved it down. Several times. Now the dryer doesn't like me, and rumbles and makes big noises when I try to run it. I still had two loads left to dry on Monday, so I couldn't finish the great laundry race with Becky and Jeana. WHICH...... allowed me to experience the fellowship and generosity of Jeana the next day when she let me use her dryer to finish the race.

Tuesday: I hung out with Jeana in the morning (while my clothes were drying!) and planned to do my grocery shopping in McMinnville between noon and 2:30 when I needed to be back to pick up kids from school. Instead, there was a major accident not far down the road that meant I couldn't get through to my usual grocery store. So instead, I came home and did a few other things, then did the "run the kids around" thing. Not getting my shopping done meant that I had to make an emergency run to Fred Meyer to fill in the needs for the next day. I went with Rosalie, while all the other kids were at various activities. It was fun to spend some alone time with her.

Wednesday: My original plan for Wednesday was to go for a walk with my friend Paula, then head to my friend Rhonda's house for lunch. But since I had missed Tuesday's major grocery run, I had to cancel my lunch with Rhonda in order to have enough time for shopping. (Grumble!) I did still go for a walk with Paula, and we had a great conversation in which I learned a lot about her kids' different college experiences. The information she shared was very insightful as we head into those waters with Cameron over the next couple of years. We also prayed together as we walked. Then I had a nice peaceful, unhurried shopping experience. I'm usually pretty rushed, but because I had prepared for a Tuesday shopping trip, my list was already made, and I had time to really think through my purchases and find some other fun things.

Thursday: My mind was going crazy just trying to wrap my brain around today's schedule! I was headed to my aunt's house to clean. When I was done there, I would need to hurry back in time to pick up Katie and her friend from school and drive them to the pool for water polo practice, then head to the elementary school, pick up Natalie and Rosalie and get Natalie to the pool for her water polo practice. Somewhere in there, I would be expecting a call from Cameron to pick him up from school, as he is staying after to make up a test. Then I would bring Cam and Rosie home for a bit. They have archery every other Thursday, so I would need to take them out in the country a ways for that at 4:30 and then run to the pool to pick up the other kids from water polo practice, which ends at..... 4:30. Good thing we are having left overs tonight, because at 7, we will need to be at the local coffee shop where Katie and her friend (and several others) will be performing a duet that they plan to play in the solo contest coming up this weekend. So. After rushing, rushing, rushing to get out the door early enough to get to my aunt's house on time, I notice that I don't have enough gas to get there and back, especially since there' s no time to stop for gas between her house and picking up kids. Sigh... there goes being on time....again. While waiting for my gas tank to fill, I call my aunt to tell her I'm running late. By some bless-ed divine-ness, we had our wires crossed, and she thought I was supposed to come next week while I thought I was coming today. Oh the relief! She said "Stay home and take time to be quiet before your crazy afternoon!" I can't exactly do that, but it does give me time to do some things I didn't know how to fit into this day. Like make GF bread so the kids can have a lunch tomorrow. And have several hours to clean the house in preparation for a party tomorrow afternoon, instead of rushing to do a less than mediocre job of it tomorrow while making cake and dinner, etc. And be quiet before the Lord. And write on my blog! And finish my budget plan, and do some banking. Ahhh. Thank you God, for redirecting, for driving.

It just makes me smile that what I was thinking about (about God steering and showing me His way for me to go) was so practically shown to me this week even in the little things of daily life.

(Oh, and I promise, my days are rarely as crazy as today was going to be!)  

Mighty Momma Monday

Laundry. It's never ending. Always growing. Always appearing right when I thought it had disappeared. I've tried many methods of doing laundry. I've tried the "Do it all in one day" method, the "Do a load a day" method and the "Mom, I'm out of socks! I need some tomorrow!" method (also known as the "*Sigh* Are there no clean towels, honey?" method.) They all seem to work for a while, but each has it's glitches and drawbacks. But today....

Today was different! Two of my friends invited me to join them in their Monday laundry race. Yeah, I know. It's basically the "Do it all in one day" method. But with a twist. We all reported what our goal for the day was - and they were all different according to our laundry needs. And then we raced to see who could get theirs done the fastest. It may not seem a fair race when some of us have 6 loads and some only have 3, but it all comes out in the wash (hee! hee!) somehow. It was fun! We reported throughout the day via Facebook message.

My kids were so excited to have ALL their clothes clean at once! You should have heard the exclamations! "I have SOOO many choices!" I've got tons of underwear and socks clean!" "Socks!" "Look at all my shirts!" The girls were even inspired to clean out their drawers and organize their closets. Katie organized her shirts by color. Rosie and Nattie organized theirs by sleeve length. Cameron dumped his on his chair, and they then proceeded to fall off the chair onto the floor. I made him fix that. :)

And now I don't have to think about laundry again for a whole week! I feel like a Mighty Momma today! :)

In Honor Of Mom

My mom was a master at budgeting. She used the cash envelope system, and kept meticulous records of their finances, even down to the penny. She kept her cash category money in zip loc bags tucked inside of bank bags. We all thought she was pretty cute with her zip loc bags full of cash. I remember one friend (or was it one of my aunts?) giggling because there was Mom at a nice restaurant, dressed in her classy "out to dinner" clothes, pulling out several zip loc bags with cash in them to find the "entertainment" money to pay for dinner. Hee! Hee! She was pretty cute that way.

One of the funny things about Mom and her cash stash, was that often she would misplace one of her zip locs full of cash. I remember her finding cash stashes in all manner of places, from the laundry room to the attic. They had fallen victim to the "company's coming and there's too much to do so I'll toss these stacks of papers in a bag and hide them" occasions. :) One time she couldn't find her bank bag full of zip loc cash bags. She found it some time later in a kitchen cupboard. What a happy surprise to find a bunch of cash that had been all but forgotten! :)

A couple of days after Mom died, Dad and the rest of the family were cleaning out the closet of some of Mom's things. What do you suppose we found? A bank bag with cash in it, tucked in a shopping bag with some magazines and other paper things. :) We chuckled because it was so "mom". There was quite a bit of cash in that bag, and the following Christmas, Dad divided the money up and gave it to us kids - in bank bags. :) What a fun and special gift! (Thanks, Dad! :) )

Before Mom got sick, she and dad were dreaming up and beginning to make plans to take their kids and grandkids to Disneyland, or on a Disney cruise, or some such adventure. So I took my bank bag of cash and began to stash. I'm saving up to take the family to Disneyland, or Disney World, depending on how fast I can save up, in some way fulfilling that desire of her's. I decided that I would tuck the bank bag in a secret spot (in an undisclosed location, should any of you decide you want to find my cash stash! :) ) For three years now, I have been tucking away the money I earn cleaning Dad's and Mary's house, and my aunt's house. From time to time I have to use that money for other things, like shoes for all the kids, or Christmas gifts, or unplanned expenses, or things like that, but for the most part, into the Disney fund it goes. I have quite a little stash built up, but it's slow going. I'm hoping to have enough finally saved up by next Fall to take our trip. And it will be paid for with air miles, gifted Worldmark hotel stays, and my "very much like Mom's" stash of cash. How fitting, eh? Cash saved up in a bank bag, tucked in a secret spot (though not lost!), and a trip she would have loved to go on.

Keeping the dream alive for you, Mom. :) Miss your cuteness. :)

(On a side note, another thing my mom loved was to work a puzzle during Christmas break, or sometime during the winter months. We did a Thomas Kinkaid puzzle with her the winter she discovered she was sick. So this winter, in honor of Mom, I bought a Thomas Kinkaid puzzle, and am slowly putting it together. I'm not as big of a puzzle fan as Mom was, but it's fun, and a challenge. I love how each of my family members pops by the puzzle now and then to try to fit a few pieces together. :) And the other night, Reid and I spent the evening working on it together. It was a peaceful evening. )

What's Next for the Kisling Family

Wow. It's been months since I have posted on this blog! What I've discovered is that it is very difficult to write when one is in the midst of a difficult time. It's too easy to write something one shouldn't write. It's too hard to write honestly during such a time without laying completely bare one's hurts for the world to see. I'm not saying one should not be real, but some things are better left unwritten. :)

Some of you know that Reid was asked to step down as pastor of Grace Baptist Church back in June. To others, this is brand new news. For us, it has been a very hurtful situation, as is often the case when a pastor is asked to step down. We still deal almost daily with emotions ranging from sadness to anger, forgiveness to hurt, hope to impatience, and more. Never the less, God is slowly healing our hearts.

The church has very generously provided a severance package for us. As the months have gone by, we have been very grateful for the time that severance has allowed for us to work through our feelings, regain our bearings, and search out God's plan for what He would have us do next. It also allowed time for our family to go on a mission trip together to Indian Bible College (IBC) in Flagstaff, Arizona, and for Reid to travel to Haiti again, working with Pastor Riccardo. He also traveled to Romania to provide a pastor there a much needed break from ministry for about 10 days, and has a few more trips planned with missionaries our church supports. Earlier this month, he went with a group from our church up to the Yakima area and helped do wiring and plumbing on a new house for our missionaries Jeff and Val Sutton at ACTS. (Their current house has been lovingly given over to their ministry.) Next month, he will travel to IBC to  help them prepare for the accreditation process. Then in January, he will be going to Haiti with two other men  to put on a church planting workshop for church leaders there. (He has always loved missions!)

 Now we are nearing the end of this phase of provision, and it's time to solidify our plans, beginning in the new year. Part of the difficulty in searching out the right direction is that Reid is gifted in many different ways, and has broad experiences that would allow him to work well in many different contexts. (I can say this about him because this IS my blog. Forgive me for bragging on him. :) Actually, I don't need forgiveness for that. I have the RIGHT to brag on my hubby. :) ) Ah-hem. Yes. Back to the subject....
We wondered if he should look for another pastorate, look into interim pastor work, go back into higher education administration, teach at the college level, continue with higher education  consulting, or if there was something else.  Opportunities in all these areas have been presented to him in the last several months,  but for one reason or another they have not worked out.  It has been cool for us to see God very definitely close certain doors, and swing wide open others.

As we have prayed daily together, and continue to do so, some things have become clear. It is important to us if at all possible to remain where we live right now. The kids are at a stage of life that would be a difficult time for them to start over, some of them more than others. We love the area, and the school system here. We are not too far from Reach Family Institute, where we have received and continue to receive such great care for Rosalie (and Katie too!). We are close to family on both sides. Not to mention that with the housing market the way it is, selling our home could be interesting. Another thing I personally have realized over the last couple of years is how much I love working WITH my husband and being an integral part of his life work. It saddened me to think of him re-entering the college administration world, where I don't begin to understand or feel included in all that his work would entail. We understand that God is big enough to handle all these things, but know in our hearts that He also cares deeply about our children's hearts and our desires. This obviously limits our options when looking for career direction. So here's where this story gets exciting. :)

Since 2000, Reid has been a board member of an organization called ARM Ministries. It is a small missions organization that supports missionaries who have a clear vision, including a number of national (non-U.S.) church leaders. It meets a strategic need that seems to be missing in many para-church organizations. The president of that organization is a long time family friend of ours named Alan Mezger. He and his lovely wife Dianne are in their early 60's, and his daughter Leslie is one of my longest, bestest friends. We've all known each other and interacted with each other since we "kids" were in high school back in good ol' Klamath Falls. 

For the last several years, Alan has been asking Reid to come on board as a missionary with ARM to help with running the organization.  For us, that has never seemed like a viable option, as Reid has in the past been employed full time, leaving him unable to devote the time needed to help ARM Ministries to the fullest extent. Now, after seeking several other directions and having the doors quite obviously closed to us, we are ready to follow God's call to join ARM Ministries! While at a board meeting in Colorado in October, Alan once again asked Reid to consider joining ARM Ministries. After talking it over and praying about it, and with our other experiences that have led us to this direction, we have decided to take a leap of faith and join the ARM team! 

I'm not sure I can explain our feelings about this. There is peace. There is excitement. There is joy in knowing we will be serving the Lord together here, and perhaps all over the world through short term mission trips. It just feels right. It just ..... happened. And guess what? I will have responsibilities, too! I'm going to help keep track of records and accounts.

See how well it fits? Reid will be in ministry, in a role that fits and uses all of his gifts, while enjoying missions. We get to remain here in Dundee. And I get to work side by side with my husband. In addition to working for ARM, Reid will continue consulting with AACRAO, a national higher education organization; teaching some courses at Multnomah Bible College and perhaps George Fox; and anything else God puts in his/our path. Currently, he is even doing some plumbing/electrical/remodeling work with our friend Kim Halstead from church. God provides. Yes, He does. :) 

I read something in a novel recently that exactly fit our situation. It said "It may be that God has allowed this thing in order to give you a greater commission than one you might have assumed for yourself." Perhaps God called Reid out of college administration into pastoral ministry, and then allowed all that happened with that position, to prepare us to be ready to accept and follow His call to this new adventure.... missionaries with ARM Ministries.