Firsts and Lasts

The last day of school was yesterday. It hit me today that it was the last day I will ever have a 1st grader. And it was Katie's last day of elementary school. It makes me a little sad. Much as I love to see my children learn and grow and become the beautiful people God created them to be, I can't help but wish I could hold on to each stage just a little longer. To relish the little moments. To oooh and ahhh over the paper farm she made, to listen to him stumble over those first lines in a book, to experience the wonder when she finally says "I can read!" after a lengthy struggle, to see her little face light up over penguin math. First grade - the wobbly handwriting, the hesitant reading, the discovery of addition and subtraction. Oh, I wish I could just savor it a little while linger. As I wished I could hold on to each age and stage - the newborn smell, the toddler walk, the two year old talk, and all of it.

We cleaned out the dress up trunk today. The girls were ready to part with some things that have been staple dress up items for many years. Gone are the plastic glass slippers. I was surprised and saddened to see Natalie wrinkle up her nose, tilt her head and smile and say "No, we don't need THOSE anymore." And to have Rosie laugh at how her heels hung way over the backs of them. Wasn't it just a few months ago they were traipsing around the house in them playing mommies? And gone are the princess tiaras and a little tutu. I think we are out of the Disney princess stage. And we are on to the "Let's play salon" stage. Which happens to be a very cute stage as they play with each others' hair, rub lotion into their feet for a massage and apply play makeup in front of their mirror. At least they still play mommies.

As for firsts, there have been some good ones lately. Katie got 1st place for long jump in the district wide 5th grade track meet. And 1st in the 100 yard dash in her heat of eight girls. People have told me that they love to watch her run. Cameron had his first solo in jazz band at the last concert of the year. He did a great job - didn't even seem nervous. Katie got glasses the other day. A first for her. She likes them a lot. She can see details so much better now! And she looks so cute in them.

Yesterday was the first official day of summer break. It felt more like Spring break with the weather cloudy and cool! The kids had a great day. We sat down and made up a summer 'daily schedule'. :) It makes me smile that they love check off charts and having a schedule. Kind of like their Mommy that way. They did all the chores we had lined up for the morning, and played in the afternoon. I heard the word 'Mom" so many times yesterday I thought I'd need a break! I forgot about that part of adjusting to summer. :) But I do love having them around all day!

Life is always moving, always flowing. Always there are firsts and lasts, always the leaving of one phase of life and entering the next. And though it is bittersweet, how wonderful it is that we are not stuck in one phase forever.

A Full Heart

The other day I sat reading Face Book status updates. A friend of mine had posted something so simple, yet it impacted me greatly. My friend Jeana had posted that she had just spent an hour cuddling in the hammock with two of her little guys gazing at the clouds and singing songs. I wondered when the last time I gazed at the clouds with my children was. I wondered when was the last time I had sat to play a game or read a book with them. Yes, I help with homework, chat at snack time, laugh and banter with them, and am always near. But lately I have felt like a Martha, and have been wishing I would be more of a Mary. (In the Bible there is a story of Lazarus's sisters Martha and Mary. Martha was busy preparing the house and working in the kitchen to serve Jesus, while Mary was at Jesus feet just listening and spending time with Him. Jesus said that Mary had chosen better.) There will always be another load of wash to do, dishes in the sink, my messy room that could use some cleaning, a thousand weeds to pull, and any number of tasks to take my time. But my children are fast growing up, and I wonder if I am missing opportunities to build a deeper relationship with them, to build into their lives, and just love on them while I have the time.

So as Reid and I went to bed last night, I shared my heart about this and we prayed that I would be aware of my time, use it wisely, and watch for times when I could have special moments with the kids. Again at Bible study today, I asked the ladies to pray that as summer approaches, I would be mindful of the needs of the kids, that I would enjoy them and spend time doing the things they want to do, and to use my time wisely so that I will have time to just "sit in the hammock and gaze at the clouds". At our house that looks more like lying on the trampoline gazing, but I guess that will have to do..... until I can convince Reid of our desperate "need" for a hammock. :)

Well, sometimes God answers our prayers real quick. After dinner tonight, Reid and I enjoyed some conversation while the kids played together out on the trampoline. It brought smiles to our faces to hear them giggling and squealing out there, all four enjoying each other's company for about an hour. Usually by then someone gets hurt, or there is some kind of bickering. :) As all good things come to an end, so did the light hearted play of the kids. Only it wasn't a fight, and no one was hurt; well, not physically. The older kids walked Natalie in and said "Mommy, Natalie is having a sad 'I miss Nana' moment." My littlest sweetie, who had taken such pride in the fact that she had not cried once since the memorial service in January (much to my concern) was hunched over, tears streaming down her rosy little cheeks, shaking with her crying. I scooped her up in my arms and sat with her and held her and let her cry. I asked her what it was that had made her sad. She said it was the bracelet that Katie had made for her. I asked if it was because it reminded her of the bracelet Nana had made her once a long time ago. She said no, it wasn't the bracelet, but the bracelet Katie made is pretty, and it made her think of how Nana loved pretty things. (This coming from my little girl who loves pretty, fancy things too - a touch of Nana in her personality.) I savored the moment, and was glad she was finally crying and letting herself feel the loss of someone who understood her so well.

The kids were all gathered around Natalie, helping to make her giggle again after her tears, and they asked if we could read some of Randy Alcorn's book 'Heaven For Kids'. This is a great book for kids who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. It talks about what heaven is like. While I was reading, the book touched on salvation, the core of our belief in heaven. Rosalie asked a question, and I asked her if she had prayed and asked for Jesus' gift of salvation. She said she hadn't (though I know she has before :) ). So we prayed. I think this time she had a clearer understanding, a tangible example of what it means to us that we will get to go to heaven some day and be with Jesus, and Nana, and Gramps, and others who believe and have gone on before us. What a precious moment! I think she is old enough now that she truly grasped what we were talking about, and with the fresh example of Nana on her heart, it all made a little more sense.

Wow! I asked for special moments with the kids, and look what I got! Thank you , Lord! And here is yet another fingerprint of God on this journey of losing my Mom. Through her death has come the assurance of Rosalie's eternal life. Life from death. Beauty from ashes. Ah, Lord, You are amazing. And my heart is full.

The Weekend - Another Letter to Mom

Hi Ma!

Sometimes I just wish we could have one of our chats over a cup of coffee or tea. How I would love to "pop in for a visit" right now. Instead I guess I'll write you a letter, and pretend that we are having that visit, one sided though it be. :)

Friday was Katie's birthday. Oh, you would laugh to know what I did! I was adding ingredients to her cake, and added 1 1/4 cups of oil instead of water! Nice! At least I realized my mistake before baking it! I ran to the store for another mix, and was on my way.

I lost it today when I went to prepare for the Spring tea at church. How you would have loved to hostess a table! I was going to use your china for my table, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, just getting out my own pretty china and teapot was torture enough! Sitting on top of my china in my cupboard, I found the place setting of Old English Garden china that you had tucked away in your "gifts to the Kisling's" bin. (Dad just let us have all those things once you died.) Remember how we both used to think it was so pretty? And how the roses reminded us of our legacy of rose gardens in our family? I'll have to get some more of that set somehow. It's so beautiful, and reminds me so much of you. Once I dropped off my china at the church and had a few tears with the secretary, Debbie :), I was OK again. The ladies at church set my table for me so I wouldn't have to struggle through it. Funny how china and tea parties can trigger such sadness and longing for you.

After I dropped my things off at church, I went shopping for Katie's present from Reid and me. I went to Jo Anne's and got her a sewing basket and all the supplies she needs to have her own kit. It was fun to pick things out for her.

That evening we had Dad come for dinner. Katie wanted enchiladas. After dinner it was time to open presents. You should have seen Katie open her presents. She exclaimed over each one. Maybe she has a little of her Nana in her! :) She was so happy with each gift, from new head bands, to earrings, to a Nerf bow and arrow set. :) When she opened her sewing basket, she took out each little thing and examined it and asked about it's use. What a special girl she is!

While she was opening her presents, a humming bird hit our window. It was such a pretty little thing - blue head and green body. It was only stunned and flew away after a bit. (Thank goodness! Katie acted as though her life would be ruined if it died! :) )

Saturday morning was the Tea at church. It was fun. The girls all dressed up, and there was a brooch contest, so we all wore one. Remember those little lace doily ones I used to make for craft fairs? I wore one of those. Made me think of you and how you always passed on great craft ideas to me. We played a game or two and had a yummy potluck brunch.

Cam and Reid worked on the chicken coop all day. Cameron dug dirt and worked very hard. Growing up! The coop is now enclosed so the chickens can hang out in there during the day. At night they still have to be in their cage in the garage since the hen house part of the coop isn't done yet.... hopefully next weekend that can be finished up.

Sunday was Mother's Day. I was all geared up for it to be this really hard day, but you know what? It wasn't! It started early. Natalie and Rosalie were up at 6:50. They came downstairs in their robes and were out front sweeping the front porch and sidewalk as a little cleaning prize for me. Saturday night they swept and cleaned the back patio and kitchen for me too. I told them they were like special little fairies for Mommy. How cute! :)Then they served me breakfast in my chair - I didn't really want to be way up in my room, so we settled for my chair in the living room. Church was good. The only hard thing was receiving a few of those tear squeezing hugs from friends who knew what this day might be like for me. In the afternoon we worked some more in the yard. Then we went to Heirloom Roses to pick out my annual Mother's Day rose bush to plant in the front yard. We picked a red one. They had a little gift shop there. There were lots of things that reminded me so much of you - from garden knick knacks to pretty smelling soaps and teacups and saucers. It made me sad, but in a happy sort of way. It made me want to add to my teacup and saucer collection and to start one for each of the girls as a heritage from Nana. And it reminded me of all the fun times we had wandering through little shops like that, but with a smile on my face instead of a tear on my cheek. It was a good feeling.

We went to PF Chang's for dinner. YUMMY! Dad joined us. We had to wait awhile so went to the Apple store and to Border's. (Our poking around would have been so different if you were there! You and I might have sneaked off to Cold Water Creek, or Chico's - especially while the guys enjoyed the Apple store. Sigh.. such is my new life with just the men in the adult family around. :) Dinner was fun. The kids remembered the time you took one of Chang's napkins home accidentally and then mailed it back. And Katie insisted that if you were there you would have let her lick her dessert plate! :)We had the usual.... Mongolian Beef (or 'the golian beef' as the girls used to think it was called), lemon scallops, lettuce wraps and the little banana things (plus some Death by Chocolate!) for dessert. After that we came home and called it a day. I truly think it was a special gift from God that Mother's Day was not as hard as I thought it would be. And I know there were LOTS of friends praying for me.

So, today, I am missing you, but with warm memories and a smile (OK and a tear or two), not so much the painful, tears streaming kind of missing you. That will come again I am sure, but for now I'll 'enjoy' this milder, kinder missing. I love you. Mom. Happy Mother's Day - a little late. You were truly the best!

Blessings

Last week I experienced something new, something I'd never ever felt before. I felt super draggy. I mean really really super-de-duper draggy. Remember in the movie "Princess Bride" when the hero has been brought back to life and is only mostly dead? He can barely move his head, and if he swings his body around he can make his arms move a little. Well that's how I felt. Or like the wind-up lady on those TV commercials about depression. She gets wound up, walks a few steps and then her winder is done and needs to be rewound. I was completely drained. Every task that needed doing and word that needed spoken sapped me and all I wanted to do was sleep. And it scared me. I thought maybe I was experiencing the "D" word. I didn't want to be or act depressed. All my life I have been my mom's "ray of sunshine" and her songbird - cheery and positive. But there I was, drained like the tub, with all the water sucked into oblivion. It scared me because I was afraid that if I went there, if I admitted I might be depressed, I wouldn't know how to climb back out and be the me that I enjoy and like; the cheerful, positive me.

So one night I sat down to visit with Reid after one of those long, draining days. I told him how I'd been feeling and that I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me and how come I couldn't find my energy, and how I felt like the Princess Bride guy. Guess what he said? He said "You're probably depressed. And that's OK. It's part of grieving. It's normal, and yes, you will be able to get out. You are not the kind of person to get stuck there." He let me sit on his lap and cry, and just held me and let me be the me that I needed to be at that moment. I love him so much.

And guess what? Once I admitted I might be a teensy weentsy bit depressed, once I actually said the word, and admitted my fears about that I felt better! Oh - it didn't go away with the snap of my fingers. I wish it would have. It took me several more days to feel better, but I'm not stuck there. I am sad yes. And this happens to be a tough week, with Mother's Day looming. But I'm not feeling so depressed. I know I will probably have times like that, but I'm OK with it now, because I understand that it's part of the process and that I won't be stuck there forever, and that it's OK to use the "D" word now and then.

I titled this "Blessings" because in the midst of this I am realizing how blessed I am. I have a wonderful husband who loves me. I had a wonderful mother and friend for many years. I have 4 precious children. I live in a beautiful land. I have a Lord and Savior who loves me just the way I am. I have a Dad who is an amazing man of God. And my new discovery... I have LOTS of wonderful friends who love me and support me. I mean I always knew I could count on my friends, but relied mostly on my friendship with Mom. Here's what I mean..... I have friends that have quickly, without hesitation, offered to keep my kiddo's for 3 nights so that Reid and I can go to Outdoor School with Katie. (Dad will be out of town that week.) I have a friend who gave me a necklace from her jewelry party just because. (It was on my "wish list" that I left at her house, so she used her bonus privilege to give it to me. Wow!) I have a friend who called me today and asked if I would come over to try her yummy treats and just hang out. I bagged my shopping trip to Target and went over. There I spent time with three friends who hugged me and let me cry, and laugh and talk about whatever. I left refreshed and blessed. And that was just this week! I have lots and lots of friend stories - from taking the kids for hours and hours so I could work on albums for Mom before she died, to bringing meals before and after Mom died, to sending flowers and bringing comforting gifts, to lending a sympathetic ear, to writing letters regularly to let me know there are still friends who are thinking of and praying for us, to offering to help me set up my table for the Spring Tea at church that will be this Saturday so that I don't have to do it alone (Mom would have loved to do this). And of course those who lift my family up in prayer, listen to me whine, share my grief and struggles, and my joys. etc...... (I know I have forgotten some. I sure hope I haven't hurt anyone's feelings by not mentioning an act of kindness! Please know that I have appreciated every friend and every nice thing!!!)

Thank you Lord for blessing me with a wonderful family, and so many wonderful friends. Please show me how to be that kind of friend in return.

Mad! Mad! Mad!

If you know me well, you know that I don't like to cry. I don't like to cry in front of people and I don't even like to cry by myself. Well, all that went out the window today and I sobbed like I never have never sobbed before in my life. And why not? This is the most pain I have ever experienced in my life, so I guess to sob the way I did is fitting. I really don't like to think about the fact that someone is going to be reading this. (Obviously! If I don't like the whole crying thing, why would I like to advertise that I just spent the last 15 minutes doing it! :) )It is not a pity party. Just part of the journey. And if someone does read it, maybe somehow it will encourage someone, or mean something to them, or maybe they will be able to relate in some small way (or maybe you could just pray for me and our family. :) ).

So if I don't like this whole subject so much why write about it? Writing about this journey has become an outlet, a release, counseling sessions, a place to freely express my thoughts and feelings instead of keeping them inside. I'm not the greatest at expressing my feelings verbally. Heck, sometimes I don't even realize the feelings are there until I sit down to write, or start talking about prayer requests with my dear prayer group friends at Bible study. Then it all just pours out and I didn't even know those thoughts and concerns and feelings were in that brain of mine somewhere. Sometimes even as I speak them I am thinking to myself "Now where did THAT come from?!?"

So, you wanna know what I've been feeling lately? MAD! I'm not mad at God. Really, I'm not. And that surprises me a little. I understand that His ways are higher, and that He took Mom home right when she was supposed to go home. I understand that she is way better off there than she would be here. I'm glad Jesus took her when he did so that she didn't have to suffer any more. Really, I believe God's timing was good in many ways.

I'm not mad at Mom for leaving. Who could be mad at such a precious lady who meant so much to so many?

I'm just mad. Mad that I can't ask her how my new skirt looks and if she likes the necklace I just bought and ask her if she thinks it was OK to spend my money on it. Mad that she's not here to talk through my struggles with my children and give me fresh ideas on how to handle things. Mad that I can't just call her up to say "hi" and "how's your day" and hear her cheery voice on the other end of the line. Mad that I can't bring her a bouquet of lilacs from my lilac bush and thrill her with their beauty. Mad that she's not here to encourage my kids and rejoice in their achievements. Mad that she's not here to take my kids shopping for school clothes and have fun days at the beach with us. Mad that she's not here to build into my children's lives. Mad that I can't check in with her when Reid's out of town and I'm feeling lonely. And there's more, but I'll just stop there. I'm just....plain.....mad. It stinks! Big time!!!

Sorry for the ranting. This is just how it is. The nitty gritty truth whether you like it or not. No fingerprints today. At least not that I can see yet.

And yet.... I believe there will be fingerprints that come from this. I don't know when or how, but I do believe it. God will make something beautiful out of this yuckiness. And I am willing to walk this road for Him (as if I have a choice! :) ). I just wish we could hurry up and get to the good part and leave this place of pain. Oh, I know. It will always be there at some level. I will always miss my mom. More than I know, I'm sure. But I know there is a purpose for everything, and I know God makes beauty from ashes, strength from pain, something or other from mourning, etc. as some song says. And I trust that He is good. And so I open myself up to feel, to live, to experience pain, that He may work in me and use it somehow for His glory. Make beauty from these ashes, Lord. Amen.

And Mom would say... "You count your blessings!" So here's a little list of blessings in honor of you, Ma.

1. We had lots of wonderful years with you.
2. God has given me a precious family.
3. God blessed me with a true man of God for a husband.
4. God brought us back to Oregon in time to have a few years close to you.
5. God has blessed me with great friends and a wonderful church family.
6. It is Spring! :)
7. We are provided for amply even in a struggling economy.
8. Cameron, Katie, Rosalie and Natalie - each their own person, each special and wonderful in their own way.
9. School is over for the day and the children will be home soon.
10. The smell of freshly baked brownies is wafting through the house. :) Hmm... better go "check" on them. :)

Final Installment on Rosalie's story.... I think!

The kids don't have school today. It's nice to relax a little. Usually that would mean no time for blogging, but I find myself alone-ish. :) Katie has friends over, Natalie is at a friend's house, Rosalie is at a friend's house, and Cameron is sleepily reading the afternoon away after spending the night at a friend's house last night. So we'll see how this goes. :)

So there I was with Dr. Andy, watching his excitement as he explained that there was a family with a son who reminded him a bit of Rosalie. They had found this organization called REACH Family Institute (http://reachinstitute.org/) and taken their son to see them. They had been to see Dr. Andy just the week before (remember the timing of my appointment?) and Dr. Andy had seen huge improvement in this boy, as had the family. So much so that they left the information about REACH with Dr. Andy and told him to share it with others and even call them for more information. I walked out of his office with hope and a lighter step.

I called the mom of Dr. Andy's patient, and she was very informative and helpful. I called REACH. As I spoke with Charlie, I wondered if it would be any different. I wondered if he, too, would brush us off as if Rosalie would make it OK in life and not to worry too much. I asked him at one point if her behavior or the things I saw in her sounded like something to be concerned about and guess what? He got it! He got Rosalie. He got what we had been through to try to find help for her. He got my feelings of helplessness!! He just plain got it! I was overjoyed and relieved and blessed. We made an appointment for Rosalie. Little did I know that we were about to embark on a life changing journey. A challenging, but oh so rewarding journey!

We went to the REACH headquarters in Medford in August of 2008, right before school started. The first day of the evaluation we gave Rosalie's history. They asked all kinds of questions about my pregnancy, the birth, Rosalie's first years and all that we had done with her. It was fun, and taxing as well. The second day was an all day lecture for just Reid and I. (With the other couple who were there with their sweet daughter born with Hydra encephaly, a condition in which part of the brain is actually missing.) We learned incredible things about brain development, how the brain works, REACH's research and history, and their method of addressing brain injured children's difficulties. I love that they see the potential in every child, that they begin by working with what your child CAN do and build on it, not with a list of the obvious things your child cannot do. They love children, love your family, love your child and are wonderful people just to be with. Their names are Charlie and Conceicao Solis, a husband and wife team. They believe that parents are a child's best teachers, and that the family is the best place for a child with developmental or special needs to grow and learn. (I could go on and on, but will stop here and try to finish my story!) The third day, Charlie and Conceicao sat down with us and gave us a program uniquely designed to address Rosalie's needs that included work with speech, occupational therapy type activities, and much more. Activities that would go back and retrain Rosalie's brain where she had missed crucial development somehow. Once the basics were retrained, we could build from there and work on higher and higher brain level learning. There is so much more here, but 1. I don't feel qualified to speak for the Solis's beyond my own experience, and 2. It would fry my brain to try and explain it all, and then I would find myself in need of the program! :)

Over the last year and a half, Rosalie has made huge leaps and bounds of growth! She is less shy, is more confident and happy, able to keep up with her siblings and peers physically, interacts with other adults besides just Reid and I, looks people in the eye (even if she IS too shy to speak to them sometimes), has improved her vision, her voice is strong and sure instead of just above a whisper, she is more adventurous, is less picky with her foods, doesn't melt down anymore, has learned to read and is reading chapter books (I didn't know if she would ever be able to read!) and much much more.

We just returned from a re-evaluation and re-arrangement of Rosalie's program with REACH. We go every 4 months. Rosalie has steadily improved since day one... no plateaus, just consistent, steady growth. It is amazing and awesome, and she is an inspiration to me with all her hard work and her "can do" attitude. She's a fighter, determined in her own quiet way. I'm not even sure she realizes the magnitude of all she's accomplished in the last year and a half. But I am so proud of her.

Yep, I'm teary. I didn't think that would happen with this story, but oh well. They are tears of joy and pride in my little girl. And the rest of the family too, who have all been a big part of Rosalie's success, cheering her on when she was reluctant to continue, joining her in her hour + per day "therapy" program to make it more fun for her, encouraging her to join them in their adventures, helping her along the way, and loving her through all this.

I skipped so much of this story. I didn't mention all the work involved in helping Rosalie, or what life was like for us before we found REACH, but I would be more than happy to go into more detail with anyone who is interested. REACH helps kids who have been labeled ADD, ADHD, dyslexic, sensory integration dysfunction, aspbergers (sp?), developmentally delayed, and more severe problems like down syndrome, autistic.... the whole sha-bang. Pretty much, if your child receives any kind of therapy, or receives special help at school, REACH could help your kiddo, and change your life. They have helped families all over the world, and yet they live right here in Oregon.

If I can figure this out, I'll post a picture of Rosalie taken right at the beginning of kindergarten, a year before we found REACH, and a picture of her now. Of course there is age difference, but if you look closely, you'll see it. The transformation of a child. A beautiful child, I might add. :) Wow. Thank you Jesus. One big huge fingerprint of God on our lives.

Rosalie's Story Continued

I left off yesterday with Rosalie getting help through Early Childhood Intervention. Early Childhood Intervention ends when children turn 3. At that point, if they qualify, they can go to a public preschool where they do things with occupational therapists, speech therapists and other needed therapy. Well, guess what. Rosalie barely passed her testing and therefore did not qualify for the preschool. Good news, right? Well yes, but no. Without that preschool, we would need to go to private therapy to get any more help for her. And she still needed lots of help. We found a wonderful group of therapists who worked together under one roof. And so began a very expensive year of private speech and occupational therapy. I drove half an hour round trip to therapy twice a week where Rosie received the needed attention for an hour each time. It was time consuming and costly, but we did see improvement in Rosalie's ability to communicate, learn and move appropriately.

In May of 2005 we moved to Oregon. Hurray!! Rosalie's therapists did a final evaluation. Her speech therapist said she was close to age level, and if we were staying in Dallas, she would only see her for about 6 more months. She also warned us that it may be difficult to get her connected with someone in Oregon because she was not urgently needing speech therapy. Her occupational therapist released her, but encouraged us to keep her involved in some kind of activity that would encourage muscle strength and endurance.

Upon moving to Oregon, we decided to have Rosalie evaluated at a prestigious medical facility in Portland which will remain unnamed. :) We were quite disappointed with the outcome. She went through speech, occupational, fine motor, gross motor, vision and learning testing. At the end of it all we were basically told that she was close enough to age level that there wasn't much they could do and that we would have to wait until she got into school to do anything further for her. WHAT!?!

By now maybe you are beginning to see a pattern with Rosalie. She was pretty much always functioning just barely above that invisible line. A line that meant if she was below it, she could get help, but being just above it meant that we were on our own. Having been in the field of education and having two older children who were thriving, I (and Reid) could tell that we needed some serious help in order for Rosalie to reach her potential, but we were at a loss at this point. We decided to enroll her in 3 yr. old preschool at the age of 4. I have never regretted that decision. She has always been a year older than her class peers, but really seems to be right in the middle of the mix... not above... and many times a bit below where her class is.

As kindergarten approached, I was concerned that she still was unable to identify all her letters, and did not know all the sounds. Now some of you may think this is no big deal, but given the two years she spent in preschool (the 4 yr. old preschool one in which most of the students were reading by the end of the year), the time we spent working with her at home, and the track record of her siblings, she should have been ahead of the game, not behind. At the very least, she should have been able to recognize her letters.

I spoke with the principal about my concerns. She told me not to worry too much about it. Children learn at different rates and the school system doesn't really do any testing until 3rd grade. 3rd GRADE!!! But Rosalie was behind NOW! By the time she reached 3rd grade, there would be a huge gap between where she currently would stand and where she should be! Once again we felt very left to our own to struggle through this with Rosalie. Without help I feared she would fall through the cracks, barely getting by, but not severely enough "disabled" to receive any special helps through the school system. Outside therapy was not really an option either, based on her evaluation from that afore-mentioned place.

By now, 1st grade now loomed in the ever nearing future. Still unable to recognize all the sounds to the letters, Rosalie struggled on, and you can imagine my distress. Reid and I continued to pray for direction, wondering what in the world we were going to do.

Enter Dr. Andy. Ah... Dr. Andy, my hero. :) Dr. Andy was a great doctor. He was good with the kids, and had a real heart for Rosalie and her situation, though he wasn't sure how to help us. In May of 2008 (end of Kindergarten year) I was in Dr. Andy's office for some reason and he asked how Rosalie was fairing. I expressed my concerns about her ability to learn and interact with people. All of a sudden a light bulb went on in his head.

{ I firmly believe this Dr.'s appointment timing was from the Lord. I had tried to get in two weeks earlier, but there was no appointment available until the date that I "happened" to get in. Had I gone in when I intended, Dr. Andy would not have had the information he was about to give me. }

Alas, it is time to get off the computer! Cameron is due to arrive home any second, and then there are all the afternoon duties to attend to. I'll just have to leave you hanging. Sorry! (Kind of. :) )