A Full Heart

The other day I sat reading Face Book status updates. A friend of mine had posted something so simple, yet it impacted me greatly. My friend Jeana had posted that she had just spent an hour cuddling in the hammock with two of her little guys gazing at the clouds and singing songs. I wondered when the last time I gazed at the clouds with my children was. I wondered when was the last time I had sat to play a game or read a book with them. Yes, I help with homework, chat at snack time, laugh and banter with them, and am always near. But lately I have felt like a Martha, and have been wishing I would be more of a Mary. (In the Bible there is a story of Lazarus's sisters Martha and Mary. Martha was busy preparing the house and working in the kitchen to serve Jesus, while Mary was at Jesus feet just listening and spending time with Him. Jesus said that Mary had chosen better.) There will always be another load of wash to do, dishes in the sink, my messy room that could use some cleaning, a thousand weeds to pull, and any number of tasks to take my time. But my children are fast growing up, and I wonder if I am missing opportunities to build a deeper relationship with them, to build into their lives, and just love on them while I have the time.

So as Reid and I went to bed last night, I shared my heart about this and we prayed that I would be aware of my time, use it wisely, and watch for times when I could have special moments with the kids. Again at Bible study today, I asked the ladies to pray that as summer approaches, I would be mindful of the needs of the kids, that I would enjoy them and spend time doing the things they want to do, and to use my time wisely so that I will have time to just "sit in the hammock and gaze at the clouds". At our house that looks more like lying on the trampoline gazing, but I guess that will have to do..... until I can convince Reid of our desperate "need" for a hammock. :)

Well, sometimes God answers our prayers real quick. After dinner tonight, Reid and I enjoyed some conversation while the kids played together out on the trampoline. It brought smiles to our faces to hear them giggling and squealing out there, all four enjoying each other's company for about an hour. Usually by then someone gets hurt, or there is some kind of bickering. :) As all good things come to an end, so did the light hearted play of the kids. Only it wasn't a fight, and no one was hurt; well, not physically. The older kids walked Natalie in and said "Mommy, Natalie is having a sad 'I miss Nana' moment." My littlest sweetie, who had taken such pride in the fact that she had not cried once since the memorial service in January (much to my concern) was hunched over, tears streaming down her rosy little cheeks, shaking with her crying. I scooped her up in my arms and sat with her and held her and let her cry. I asked her what it was that had made her sad. She said it was the bracelet that Katie had made for her. I asked if it was because it reminded her of the bracelet Nana had made her once a long time ago. She said no, it wasn't the bracelet, but the bracelet Katie made is pretty, and it made her think of how Nana loved pretty things. (This coming from my little girl who loves pretty, fancy things too - a touch of Nana in her personality.) I savored the moment, and was glad she was finally crying and letting herself feel the loss of someone who understood her so well.

The kids were all gathered around Natalie, helping to make her giggle again after her tears, and they asked if we could read some of Randy Alcorn's book 'Heaven For Kids'. This is a great book for kids who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. It talks about what heaven is like. While I was reading, the book touched on salvation, the core of our belief in heaven. Rosalie asked a question, and I asked her if she had prayed and asked for Jesus' gift of salvation. She said she hadn't (though I know she has before :) ). So we prayed. I think this time she had a clearer understanding, a tangible example of what it means to us that we will get to go to heaven some day and be with Jesus, and Nana, and Gramps, and others who believe and have gone on before us. What a precious moment! I think she is old enough now that she truly grasped what we were talking about, and with the fresh example of Nana on her heart, it all made a little more sense.

Wow! I asked for special moments with the kids, and look what I got! Thank you , Lord! And here is yet another fingerprint of God on this journey of losing my Mom. Through her death has come the assurance of Rosalie's eternal life. Life from death. Beauty from ashes. Ah, Lord, You are amazing. And my heart is full.