Miscellaneous Ramblings

Bear with me here.....

When I was 14 years old, Mom took me to this place in Lake Oswego called The Difference where they help you figure out what colors look good on you (whether you are an Autumn, Winter, Spring or Summer), help you pick complimentary make up colors and show you how to apply it well. These days they also help you know what styles of clothing flatter your body shape, and many other things as well. I have bought my cosmetics there ever since I was 14, minus just a few years in Texas when I decided it was silly to keep ordering it from there and paying shipping. Besides I had this wonderful friend who I could buy Mary Kay from right there in Dallas! What does this all have to do with anything?!..... I know you are asking! :)..... Hang on just a little longer.... When we moved back to Oregon, I went back to The Difference - yep, it's still there. Even some of the same lovely ladies work there. I got all new make up, and have been buying it there ever since. They also carry fun jewelry and some clothes. It's always fun to go in there. They know me, and they knew Mom. (Ahh, here's where it will all start to make sense. :) ) Over the last year, every time I go in there, they have asked about Mom and how she is doing. Many of them had been praying for her, and also prayed for my Aunt Pam who went through the leukemia experience a couple of years ago. (Yep, they know her, too!) Well, I have been needing to replenish my supply of a certain product they carry, but have been putting it off, knowing it would be a painful reminder, and that the ladies would probably ask about Mom. Yesterday I finally decided I couldn't live without my certain product any longer. :) I braced myself and went to The Difference. And yep, they asked how Mom was doing, and yep, I lost it right there in the store, and yep, the kind lady named Maggie gave me a long hug and told me how sorry she was. She told me she had lost her mother when she was 25 years old and her baby girl was just 10 days old. Wow! How hard that must have been for her! A reminder to me of being blessed to have so many wonderful years with my mom, and for my kids to have the chance to know her. So after being mostly fine for about a week, I left The Difference in tears and cried as I drove two exits down the freeway to Costco. Good thing I didn't have a wreck! :) I knew that going into that fun little shop would trigger the sadness gland, and even that it might make me cry, but I didn't quite expect it to be so hard. Oh well, it's good to cry now and then, and how fun to have that place full of memories with Mom - she loved the jewelry there! Maybe I should just buy myself some new jewelry every time I go in there in memory of Mom. Just kidding - maybe. :) (One miscellaneous ramble down, two to go.)

This next ramble is kind of weird, but I hope it makes sense to at least somebody. When I told my brother Kevin about it, he kind of laughed at me. That was just fine, because it IS kinda weird. I told him that it hit me that day that Mom won't ever be around again. See.... weird. :) I think what I was getting at though is that the permanence of her absence is becoming more real as the weeks go by. She won't be here ever again. And of course I knew that before, but the ramifications of it will be new and felt deeply every time there is another first. And as the years go by, I know her absence will be very clear at many a family event, a milestone reached by her grandchildren, and even her children, and even just in the day to day living.

Ramble number three.... GOD IS GOOD! And that ain't no ramble, folks! :) At the risk of sounding very self centered and vain here I will share something that has been on my heart lately. Mom was probably just about my greatest cheerleader. (What Mom isn't?) She was full of praise for me, and for all of us kids. She would often tell me she thought I was pretty, or that she liked my outfit, or my hair, that I was/am a good mother and wife, that she liked the way I painted such and such a room, etc. (You get the idea..) OK, here's the shocking selfish part... one day when she was sick, I actually asked her who was going to tell me that my hair was pretty when she was gone (She had just told me that, so it wasn't a random question). She laughed and told my dad he'd better keep up the praise. :) The reason I said that God is good up in that first sentence is that even though He doesn't have to, even though it may be a vain desire I have to be praised (or perhaps that I'm a 'words of encouragement' love language type person) God has sent people to fill in the gap for Mom in the praise department. :) A friend will tell me that she likes my hair on a given day, another friend recently told me what great kids Reid and I have, and a lady at The Difference said my coral colored shirt looked wonderful on me. I don't know if I just didn't hear those things before, or if they stand out more now that my main cheerleader is gone, but God has made it evident to me that He even cares about my desire for praise enough to send little showers of blessed praise my way through other people; sometimes even people I don't even know.

Oh my gosh! I have totally laid myself wide open bare for all the world to see! But if it helps even one person to see the goodness of God, to understand how deeply and intimately he loves His children, then I suppose it's worth the risk. Hope you love me anyway!

On the brighter side, things are going pretty well around here. We are enjoying spending time with Dad and my brother Kevin, who is living with Dad. Just today Dad helped me with a little tiny home improvement project (which I will not name as Reid is out of town and it's a surprise for when he comes home. That way if he reads this before he comes home, the surprise won't be ruined. :) ) It was fun to have Dad around, and to "help" him with my little project.

I had a "ladies night in" at Dad's house the other night. :) Dad was visiting my brother Mark and his family in Eugene, so I kicked Kevin out of the house for a Friday evening (sorry Kev!)and had some church ladies over to play games, eat goodies and chat. I viewed it as a mini retreat for those of us who could not attend the church retreat that weekend. It was lots of fun. One friend commented after looking at photos that it seems like I've had a happy life. I sure have. I hope I never take that for granted, and once again it was a reminder (from God probably :) ) to be thankful for the family I grew up in, and for all the wonderful years with Mom. Now they will still be wonderful years, but the memory making will just look a little different.

The cherry blossoms and daffodils are cheerful reminders that spring is close! The frogs in the pond across the street serenade us to sleep every night, though a bit loudly. :) The air is warmer, the sun shines more often and the days are longer. The Winter is over and it's time for new life, new beginnings, a new season. Just like life. Bring it on, Lord, bring it on!