And God Spoke

Have you ever felt like God was speaking to you? I mean not through scripture, but through a person, but like it wasn't the person speaking as much as it was God using that person for a microphone in a way so significant it only happens rarely. I have now experienced this twice in my life.

The first time I was in Lakeview at my Aunt Cindy's house. Her husband had died recently and I was visiting from Texas. Mom and the kids and I took a wonderful day trip from Klamath Falls to Lakeview to spend some time with Aunt Cindy and her kids. She had just finished showing us how she had decorated her bedroom. It was really cute and bright and cheery. As we walked out of her room, she grabbed my arm, drew me inches from her face, looked me in the eyes and passionately said "Love your husband!". There was an intensity in her eyes and a depth and annunciation in her voice that made me really take notice of her words. I can't really explain it, but I knew it was God using her as a microphone to send me an important message. At the time, Reid was in the middle of his PhD work, and we had four children ages 6 and under. We were also still processing the fact that our 2 year old daughter had significant developmental delays, and I was feeling very alone in working through that and just surviving with 4 young children (can you say post pardom depression?). Reid was just trying to survive working 50+ hours a week and doing PhD work, and getting little sleep. Needless to say, our life was a recipe for marital un-bliss. Thankfully that time in our lives was just a bump in the road, but what she said really hit home at that time. It made me re-evaluate how I was relating to Reid, and thus made me adjust my focus and behavior. I have never forgotten it.

The other day was a beautiful day. I had just arrived from walking the kids home from school and my precious neighbor Sharon (the garden lady :) ) stopped me to visit for a moment. She asked how we were doing - in reference to how we are handling Mom's absence. Then for some reason she asked me if I work part time. I told her no. I do clean house for Dad but just a few hours a week. I mentioned that I have been thinking about substitute teaching next year, now that my life looks a little different.

A year ago I still had Natalie home for half a day, and so far this year I had spent much of my day time helping or spending time with Mom and Dad. With Mom gone, life has felt a little empty. A lot empty, actually. I will not rush into anything, and am taking time to dwell in this place for a while, but the question of what next/now is in the back of my mind. I'm trying hard to be open to whatever the Lord may have for me, just waiting and listening, not rushing and doing. Through my Bible study on Esther, I am seeing Mom's death as a pivotal point in my life, and that God may use her departure as a means of redirecting my path in some way. I'm just not sure yet what that looks like.

Back to Sharon. As we talked, she looked at me with that same intense look I remember from Aunt Cindy, that same passion in her voice. I was breathless as she spoke, recognizing that here it was again. The Lord... using a godly woman as his microphone. Sharon told me that there is nothing more honorable or better that I could do for my family than to continue to be a stay at home mommy and wife. She said she understands that it may mean doing without things that other people have or get to do, but that there is so much more value in being there for the kids than in having more stuff, or a bigger house, or going on "neater" vacations. Funny - those were some of the things that appealed to me when thinking about the extra income we'd have if I substituted. (Not the more stuff part, but an addition on the house with a master suite and a bonus room, and some vacations besides camping and the very occasional bigger trip.) This time it wasn't a simple one sentence word from the Lord. And it wasn't necessarily a certain thing she said, as much as the many things she had to say about the value of staying at home even in a world where careers and prestige seem to take precedence over simplicity and stay home mommies. But I still recognize it as God speaking to me. As I look back on my life, that has always been my first and foremost purpose. I have always wanted to be a stay home mom and wife, to make my home a haven for my family, to care for them the best I know how, and not to fill my plate in such a way that I would not be able to carry out that purpose. For me, that means pretty much full time being at home (except of course for Bible study, volunteering at the school, and working for Dad). Whenever I start to do much more than that, I get stressed out and grumpy and am NOT a good wife or mommy! :) I must have a low stress tolerance. :) Besides, with the kids food allergies complicating my menu making, grocery shopping and meal making, spending 5-7 hours a week doing developmental therapy stuff with Rosalie (thank you REACH Family Institute!!!!! http://reachinstitute.org/ You have made such a huge difference in Rosalie's life!), and helping with homework and activities for 4 children, I already feel like I have plenty of work to keep me busy!

Don't get me wrong. I know that some moms need to work just to make ends meet, and God calls some moms to make a difference in the career world, and still others might just pull their hair out if they were home all day :). This post is just about me and my calling, and the Lord speaking to me in a very personal way through a messenger. And who knows? Maybe this is just for now, and someday I will feel led to work outside the home, but for now, I think God is telling me that what I am doing is OK. In fact, He is telling me that what I am doing right now is honorable and of great value and that this is what His path for me looks like for now. May I do it well, and in a manner pleasing to my Lord and Savior. And may I always be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit.