My Way or the High(er) Way

I have been given the privilege of speaking at our church's "Women's Christmas Brunch" this December. (That's brave speak for 'Help! I volunteered to do what?!') Needless to say, I have been gathering my thoughts for this talk since I was asked to speak back in May. (That's brave speak for 'I've been stewing and stressing about what to say since the moment I was asked!') I decided my blog was a good place to kind of write out and compile my thoughts, so if you are reading this, and plan to attend the brunch, you may get a double dose. But who knows, maybe I'll surprise you. :)

At first I thought I'd speak about God's faithfulness in my life, i.e., God's Fingerprints. But the other morning I woke up with a new plan, a new thought on what God would have me say. It was the most wonderful thing — almost like I dreamed it, but not quite. I just woke up knowing what to talk about and how to start it and several of the points I will make. Ah, God — you are so awesome to help me out like that!

So the title of my talk is going to be "My way or the High(er) way. Here are some of my thoughts, in no particular order...

When I was a young girl, I loved making plans for my future. By the time I was in 8th grade, I pretty much had my life planned out. I would go to college and get a degree in elementary education. Promptly after graduating, I would get married to a man who met a long list of qualifications :), one of which was that he would be a pastor. I would teach school for two years and then we would start a family. We would have 4 children, two boys and two girls in no particular order, but spaced out every 2 years. Sounds lovely, yeah? In retrospect, I would advise including in your plans where you would like to live. :)

Apparently, God approved of these plans, though He tweaked them a little here and there. :) See, I went to college, graduated with a teaching degree, and married a man who met my long list of qualifications :), and was headed to seminary school to become a pastor. However, I substituted one year, and taught school three more years before we started a family. And though Reid has a master's degree in theology, he is not a pastor, other than the pastoral opportunities he encounters in his job in Christian Higher Education. And we do have four children all spaced two years apart, but only the oldest is a boy. But you know what? I can look back and see how God's tweaks were just what we needed. (Even living in Texas, but I'll get to that later.) See, I learned a lot about parenting while I was teaching those extra years, and was able to put Reid through school without any debt. And no one ever plans to have a child with developmental issues, but that's what we were given. And it has been a blessing, though a hard road at times. And though I still sometimes miss that second boy I was supposed to have :), I can see how much Rosalie needs a Natalie as her younger sister, and what a joy Natalie is to my heart! In other words, I wouldn't trade the mix of children God has blessed us with for ANYTHING else! God knows best what we need.

Now about Texas.... We planned to live there 3 years while Reid finished seminary school. Instead we were there eleven years! And they were lllooooooonnnnnggggg years at times. For the first 8 years (yes, 8; I know that's a long time) I spent my time pining for "home" — Oregon. Oregon is where I grew up. It's where my family is. It's where my extended family is and where all the good things happen, like birthday parties and weddings, and many family gatherings. Oregon has a beauty like no other place. Boy, did I miss Oregon and all that it represents for me!

In the Fall of that 8th year, I went on a little mini retreat with a few friends and the mother of one of those friends. We camped. You can do that in October in Texas and not get cold. We ate simply. We reflected. We shared. It was wonderful and a time of discovery for all of us. When we were instructed to find our favorite Bible verse and tell why it was our favorite, I naturally turned to Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I have always loved that verse. This time when I read it, I decided to read the whole chapter to gain the context of the verse. It totally changed my perspective. I won't quote the whole thing, but basically it was God talking to His people who had been exiled to Babylon. He was telling them to move ahead with their lives, to settle in and live life, not keep "pining" for their homeland. Then He promised to bring them back to their homeland in His timing. Well I tell you, I grabbed on to that for dear life and made it my own. :) Maybe I shouldn't have claimed it so personally, but from that point forward, I was able to let go of my desire to move back to Oregon, though still with the hope that maybe someday God would take me back there from my exile in Texas! :) It helped me to trust in God's plan, knowing that His plan is perfect, and good for me, even though I still wanted and prayed for Him to provide a way for us to return to Oregon.

I can't see everything, or know all the reasons God had for having us there, but here's what I CAN see about how our time in Texas was good. First of all, being so far away from family helped me to bond better with Reid. And the times we did get to spend with family were so priceless. Being able to spend four weeks a year of concentrated time with family has its' benefits. At the time when Rosalie was "diagnosed" with Sensory Integration Dysfunction, Dallas was one of the country's leading places for recognition of SI, and we were able to get wonderful Christian therapists, and the help she needed. And of course, Reid's education was valuable, and his experience at Dallas Seminary was incredible. We also got to spend many years with good friends that we had known since high school, and enjoyed our little church on Skillman Ave. There were all kinds of good things that came from our time there, and lots of learning, too. It wasn't what I would have chosen, and to this day, I don't think I would choose that path. But I'm able to see how God used that time to strengthen our marriage, and mold me and grow me in my walk with Jesus. And it's a very real part of who I am today.

I think I'll call that the end of part 1 of My Way or the High(er) Way and stop here. Next up....Part II: Oregon Dreams - Both Realized and Shattered