My Way or the Highway Chapter II

Even before I was married, my mom and I would dream about the future possibilities of living near each other. We used to think it would be fun for all the family to move to Montana, build log houses on the same property and share a big garden. So as you might imagine, living in a far away land called Texas was heart wrenching for me. Looking back, I can see how God used those years to grow Reid and I, to bless our family in ways I wasn't expecting, but I think I already covered that in Chapter One. :)

Imagine my excitement when, after 11 years, it finally felt like God was opening the doors for us to move back to Oregon! Five and 1/2 years ago, we packed up all our earthly possessions, said goodbye to many dear friends, strapped the kids in their car seats and hit the road headed for Newberg, Oregon. Only 4 1/2 hours from our home town of Klamath Falls, where my parents and Reid's parents still resided, and not far from many of my precious relatives. The kids and I got to spend the whole summer in KFalls that year while we waited for our Texas house to sell and Reid started working at George Fox University. The next two years we enjoyed many trips to visit with our parents and visits from them too.

After about two years, Mom and Dad started looking for property in the greater Portland area that would not be too far from our house, not too far from my brother in Portland, not a super long drive to Eugene where my older brother lives, and near many other family members, including both Mom's and Dad's siblings.

Lo and behold, after about a year of looking, weighing and measuring pros and cons, searching for just the right location, they found a wonderful bit of property a half mile up the hill from our house! Our Montana dreams were coming true in a modified version! :) Over the next year, they met with the builder, a wonderful Christian man who helped them design their home with all the little details just the way Mom and Dad wanted it. In February of 2009, they moved in. What a joyous weekend it was! It was Valentine's Day when we started the great move in.

The next weekend, Mom and Dad headed back to KFalls to pack up most of the rest of their things. While they were there, Mom experienced a lack of energy so severe that they took her to the doctor and did some blood work. And thus began her battle and journey with a pre-Leukemia disease. Over the next 11 months, she went through chemotherapy and the downhill spiral of her life with faith, grace, a cheerful attitude and courage I greatly admire. Thanksgiving weekend of 2009 the pre-disease became Acute Myelogenic Leukemia. Due to other health complications, and her weakened state, she did not qualify for a bone marrow transplant. On January 12th, 2010, she went home to be with Jesus.

I skipped a lot of the details. It would take a very long blog post to tell you all that transpired between the date of her diagnosis and the date of her home going and all my feelings about all of that. But I want to tell you another part of the story ... the good part.

See, we make our plans; sometimes they work out, sometimes they don't. We can't always know the reasons when they don't work out the way we imagine they will. But I do know this—God makes himself real and known in those times. And He is with us regardless of whether or not our plans work out the way we want them to. Here are some of the ways He cared for us all during Mom's illness...

• They moved just in time for her to be near OHSU, where she would receive excellent treatment. If they had not moved, they would have had to travel from KFalls every time she needed treatment or to meet with her doctors.


• Mom was able to live in her dream house, to enjoy the nearness of all her family, and receive extra care from all of us that would have been unable to attend to her and Dad had they been in KFalls. (Selfishly, I see this as a blessing for me as well. I would have been so heartbroken not to be able to help her and Dad as much as I did. I would have needed to stay here with my own little family and caring for them. As it was, I was able to do both.)


• God comforted Mom in amazing ways in the last month of her life. She had a dream (we would say a vision) of a kingly figure with a "kingly hat" (not a crown, she said), a robe and a staff walking along with a huge crowd following Him. She was in the midst of that crowd. The King was Jesus, and she felt reassured in her salvation. It makes me smile to think of her reaction when she realized she was in that crowd. She was almost surprised, as if she didn't know for sure if she would be counted among His followers. Wasn't God good to give her that reassurance?


• In another dream/vision, Mom had dived into a beautiful pool of clear, sparkling aqua colored water. As she rose back to the surface, her body was restored to it's youthful beauty, as it will be when we leave this world for Heaven.


• In the last few days of her life, Mom said there was the tangible, comforting presence of a man in the room with her at all times. Jesus? Yep. And what comfort these things brought to all of us during that time.


• During the last few weeks of her life, Mom needed blood transfusions every other day to keep her going. If she went too long without one, her nose would bleed severely and it would be very difficult to get it to stop. The last few days, Dad made the decision (at Mom's request) not to take her in for any more transfusions. There was a fear we felt that her nose would begin to bleed and she would bleed out. The day before she died, Dad and I found a dried little trickle of blood from her nose on her cheek. But that was it. No more. My Dad was convinced that this was just another sign of God's care for us all.


• Mom was able to be at home in her own bedroom when she died. That was important to her, and a blessing for all of us.


• And now, Dad is close by, and able to be near lots of family.

In the weeks and months that have followed Mom's death, God has shown me how much He loves and cares for me over and over again. I have received comfort right when things seemed the worst, discovered a card in the mail when I felt alone, found a Bible verse to cling to when I was down. Many of these fingerprints of God are recorded in my previous posts over the last several months.

I know this has been a heavier post. I have a point, I promise. :) I had plans. We make our plans. Sometimes they work out and are happy endings. Sometimes they don't work out, and it's painful. We don't always understand God's purposes or plans. But I believe good will come from it. And I believe God is good. And I believe His plans for our lives are good. What that looks like, I'm not always sure. But I leave you with this Bible verse that Reid recently reminded me of, and a song that has touched me lately.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

I would never choose to go through this. I know Mom would have had to go at some point, but at age 65? And just after they moved up closer to family? We had such fun plans! However, I have already been able to encourage a friend in a similar situation, and I'm sure God has plans to use my experiences for His glory in other ways as well.

The song I mentioned goes like this. It's called Before the Morning by Josh Wilson.

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel the things that hurt you
If there's a God who loves you
Where is He now

Maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday somehow you'll see you'll see

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend you know how this all ends
And You know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there
So say a prayer

And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot
It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming
So hold on you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory, memory, memory

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

Would you dare would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing
Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

Come on you've gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

I promise, Chapter III is much more lighthearted. :)