Summer Vacation 2016

I'm feeling a little lost today. Yesterday afternoon we returned from one of my favorite vacations ever (except for the fact that Cameron could not be with us.) Most of the time when we've been gone, I am ready to sleep in my own bed again, ready to tackle what things I left undone upon leaving, ready to embrace our home routine again. But not this time. Not this time.

I loved spending hours upon hours in the car with my family. We laughed and sang and talked with funny accents and read books and stared out windows at beauty and relaxed and slept. Every night of this trip except one (two nights in one campground! WooHoo!), we worked together to set up the tent trailer, ate dinner, worked to clean up dinner and set up beds. Every morning we worked together to pack lunches, make breakfast, put everything away, take down the tent trailer and then headed out for the adventure of the day. (And every day, only a few minutes was spent on electronic devices! ;) )

We explored Redwood forests, saw a herd of elk close up, walked the Santa Cruz Boardwalk for an hour or two, visited Westmont College, did touristy things in Solvang, CA, and ended up for the weekend in Pismo Beach for the wedding of a special family friend. I will treasure these memories. The Lord is good. To a person, we all wished it could have lasted longer. Each of us expressed wishes to stay longer with our friends in Pismo Beach/ Arroyo Grande and a strong desire to visit them again in the not too distant future, and to share life with them for a little longer than 2 days. I hope it's a wish that comes true....

Sometimes In Life....

Sometimes in life you have a blog and you don't write anything there for more than two years because, well, because life. And you decide one day out of the blue to write something and choose to ignore all punctuation rules and write in big long run on sentences because sometimes life seems like one big long run on sentence.

Sometimes in life your car has troubles and you take it in to see what's wrong and get an estimate and it's going to cost over $1,000 dollars to have them fix it but your handy husband can fix it for under $50 so you park the car on the street for a few weeks because your handy husband is very busy and doesn't have time for awhile. And sometimes this causes added stress because of all the extra running around you have to do and you realize how much you appreciate having a third car and a daughter who is happy to drive herself and her sisters around most of the time.

Sometimes in life your water bill is $300 more than usual so you realize there must be a leak somewhere and your handy husband calls up his plumber friend who gives up a Saturday to come help your husband find the leak and fix it. And they dig up the one flower bed you actually plant flowers in each year and it's right in front of the house and that's where the new box thingie is going to be and you're a teensy bit disappointed, but hey - they fixed it so you can't really complain. And you are grateful for friends who give and give and give again and a husband who saves thousands because he is handy like that.

Sometimes in life your son calls during the week and there is weariness in his voice and his back hurts really badly and he has other things going on too and he says he's ok and you wish you could drive the 45 minutes to his university to see for yourself in his beautiful warm brown eyes that he is ok and to give him a back rub and a big hug, even though his hugs swallow you up and make you feel small and like he is the comforter. But you don't do that because he is a man now and you need to let him grow and be on his own and turn to the Lord with his struggles. And you will just hug him long and hard the next time you see him. And it's hard. And yet you still give thanks to the Lord because your son is growing into an amazing young man who seeks Him and wants to serve Him.

Sometimes in life you have wonderful daughters who all play water polo and you spend whole weekends at their tournaments and you are so incredibly proud of all three of them that you could just burst and another weekend goes by when nothing gets done at home but you had fun and they had fun and they did things you didn't know they were capable of and it's all worth it.

Sometimes in life your dad has some pretty serious kidney stones and he also has an infection and he spends four days in the hospital and then a week at home in pain until the infection is gone and they can surgically remove those nasty stones. And you consider the brevity of life and vow to spend more time with your dad and loving adopted mom, his wife because even though they seem invincible, you really never know how much time you have left with them. And you thank the Lord because you have such an awesome earthly father that gives you a solid picture of many of the attributes of your Heavenly Father.

Sometimes in life you have a wonderful time at Bible study in the morning and then enjoy lunch with a friend and when you get home your dog isn't at the door to greet you so you think she is either dead or missing. So you look all over the house and the yard and it turns out she is missing so you drive all over the neighborhood looking for her to no avail and so you post a missing dog post on Facebook and then look out the back door and lo and behold there she is on the back step. And you thank the Lord because what would it have been like to lose her unexpectedly and you kiss her and love on her more than usual. And then you have to take her to the vet because she has a huge abscess in her ear and there goes your afternoon. But you are thankful that the vet squeezed you in during a busy day and that she is your neighbor and she's so sweet with your dog and takes care of everything and even brings her home for you and texts the next morning to see how she is. And you thank the Lord for good neighbors who are good friends.

Sometimes in life your husband has a very full plate and he has to grade theses and write a consulting report and do taxes and write a book chapter and take care of graduation at the Seminary where he works and work late into the night several nights in a row. And there's still the car to fix and the new water line to bury under the concrete in the driveway and the lawn is growing wild. And you feel like you are living parallel lives and they aren't really intertwining much but you know that it's just a season and you thank the Lord that you have such a hardworking, faithful, good providing husband who maintains a good attitude even when all this is on his shoulders and he still spends weekends watching water polo even though he has lots of work to do.

Sometimes in life all of this and more that can't be written about is happening in the same time period and you know it is only the Grace of God that is keeping you, and you also realize that others are in the middle of much much bigger storms. But it is Springtime and the tulips bloom bright and the lilacs are glorious in beauty and aroma and the trees are blossoming and everything is green and beautiful and there are hot air balloons in the sky. And the wind comes and the cherry blossoms are like snowflakes tossed and turned through the air to land softly on the grass. And you are reminded that though the winds of life blow and you feel tossed and turned there is a safe place to land - a safe place to rest. "He will cover you with his feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." (Psalm 91:4) And you thank the Lord that you are His child and He's got all this and you can rest under His wings.

Merry Christmas From the Kislings!

How I love this time of year! I love the sparkling lights on houses, twinkling Christmas trees in the windows around the neighborhood, Nativity sets, my Christmas mug collection, making Christmas cookies, gift giving, Christmas music and spending time with family. But most of all, I love the month long reminder that we have a Savior, who came as a tiny baby, born in humble circumstances, who later died a terrible death and rose again, that we might spend eternity with Him. Now THAT is the ultimate Christmas gift.

As I reflect on the past year, it mostly seems like a blur with a few highlights! Time seems to go faster and faster as the kids get older. We had quite an eventful summer. We had the amazing opportunity to take our whole family on a mission trip to Haiti! We went with a group from our church—9 kids and 6 adults led a vacation Bible school for 300 kids up in the mountains near a town called Saut d' Eau. All the kids did an outstanding job, and came away with new perspectives and changed hearts. I'm so thankful to the Lord, and to all who helped either through prayer or financial support, for the chance to serve in that capacity as a family, and with the people from our church. I hope we will get to do it again someday. 36 hours after returning home from Haiti, we left on a road trip to Colorado and Wyoming. In Colorado, we picked up a tent trailer that friends of Reid generously donated to ARM Ministries, in our care, for us to use personally as well as in any way for the ministry. What a blessing! We then met in the mountains of Wyoming with Reid's brother Craig and his family and camped and fished for a few days. It was such fun! And SOOO beautiful! It was a welcome respite after our trip to Haiti. Later in the summer, we took our "new to us" tent trailer to Crescent Lake for our annual family camping trip. And of course that was relaxing and fun. My brother Kevin joined us. He's always a lot of fun to have around. :)

Reid has been working at Western Seminary for a year and a half now. He is continually reminded of what a blessing it is to be there. The atmosphere and the people he works with are pretty wonderful. He continues to be involved with ARM Ministries missions organization, and works quite a bit with Pastor Riccardo in Haiti. In his free time (which isn't much!) he enjoys working with our tilapia farm. Yep, I said tilapia farm. :) It's in our garage and is a very small operation, only fingerlings (babies :) ) at this point, but believe it or not, people do buy tilapia fingerlings in bulk. Here in the Northwest, people use tilapia for aquaponics (think, backyard chickens)—growing fish (aquatics) and plants in water (hydroponics) together. The fish waste is fertilizer for the plants that clean the water to go back into the fish tank. It's the ultimate in sustainability and just fits our Oregon location. ;) He's working to build a website for the business called backyardfishfarm.com.

Cameron is a senior this year! I don't even really want to think about it in some ways, but in other ways it's so exciting to see him grow into the wonderful young man God created him to be. He works hard at school, and if all those AP credits work out, will be a sophomore when he enters college next year. Water polo season was awesome this year! The boys team was undefeated in their league and won the state championship! What a way for Cameron to end his high school water polo career! Cameron is involved in two youth groups and co-leads a Bible study/prayer time before school every day. It's swim team season right now, and in the spring, he will be back at playing water polo. He works as a life guard at our local pool, and in his free time enjoys spending time with his wonderful group of friends.

Katie is a sophomore now. She too is a water polo player. The girls team worked very hard this year and did well. Next year they will be a force to be reckoned with as they will have 9 seniors on their team, and several strong younger players as well. Katie is doing swim team and will play spring water polo as well. She plays the oboe in band. She is in her second year of painting class at school and is quite an artist. I'd post one of her paintings, but that is strictly forbidden. :) In her free time, Katie enjoys youth group, likes to read and of course loves to spend time with her friends—one wonderful young man in particular, if you catch my drift ;).

Rosalie is in 7th grade. She is thriving and growing into a confident, though quiet young lady. Playing clarinet in the band is lots of fun for her. The middle school band teacher is a favorite of all, and makes it so much fun for the kids! Rosalie is in her second year of 4-H cooking class, which she loves. It's such a great experience! When Rosalie is not doing homework, drawing or reading a book, she can be found playing with Natalie, or spending time with one of her good friends. She also enjoys youth group at our church.

Natalie started middle school this year! (6th grade) After watching her three older siblings reach this milestone, and spending many hours in the middle school for older siblings' events, her transition was very easy and natural. She loves school, and is thriving. She plays the flute in the band. (Finally one who follows in my footsteps! :) ) She joined Rosalie in 4-H cooking class this year and is really enjoying it. She will often wander into the kitchen while I am cooking and offer to help me, which is a blessing and a fun time for both of us. Natalie likes to play with Rosalie and her other friends, practice her flute, and read. And like the others, she attends youth group at our church. In case you haven't picked up on it, all four kids are in the youth group at our church. They all meet on the same night, so that means.... date night for Reid and I! We have enjoyed many coffee dates in the recent months during youth group hours. :)

The pace of my own life has seemed to pick up lately. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm going to survive these busy years with 1 tween and 3 teens! I'm sure many of you can relate! :) I have three little part time jobs that keep me busy—sometimes more than I would like :)—but I am thankful for the opportunities to earn a little extra money, and to spend time with and serve people. I work for ARM Ministries about 20-25 hours a month, processing donations for all the missionaries. I enjoy this and do it from home, which makes it easy and flexible. I have a new little job—I am a substitute for the switchboard at George Fox University (I answer the main phone line and redirect calls). This has been really fun! It is very sporadic, but in December and January both, I will have a full week of work. I also still clean for my aunt Pam twice a month. We enjoy our visits and I am always so encouraged after spending time with her. I have also spent a little bit of time with my aunt Cindy lately. These two sisters of my mom are such a blessing in my life, and help keep mom alive as we reminisce and often laugh at the memories. On the home front, managing six schedules, cooking and baking for our gluten free/dairy free family, and keeping up with all things "hearth and home" more than fill my time. :) And I truly love it! In my free time, I enjoy women's Bible study at church, coffee dates with my dear friends and sitting down with a good book once in a while.

We hope this Christmas season finds you blessed. We know that Christmas can be a difficult time for many- whether grieving the loss of a loved one, or hardship of another variety. But even in the midst of all circumstances, whether joyful or not, God is good, and we have the hope of a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

Attitude of Gratitude Part 1

Once upon a few years ago, I read a book called "1,000 Gifts". Well, sort of. You see, I have a confession. It's very difficult for me to finish a nonfiction book. I don't know why. Maybe I need to read a different kind of nonfiction book. But generally speaking, I read enough of the book to get the gist of it, skim the rest, and call it good. So, I only MOSTLY read that book. In it, the author's focus is having a heart of thankfulness, even in the hard places of life, and how that can have such an impact on our attitudes and our very lives.

After reading that book, I kept a  gratitude journal for a while. In fact, I posted two different blog lists of thankfulnesses back in 2011, and if I was computer savvy, I would post the links to those lists right here...... But alas, I lack the skills to accomplish that task, at least until Reid gets home tonight :).

I took a long break from my thankfulness list - for no particular reason that I can think of, but started again a little over a year ago. I love looking back over the list. It brings back special little memories of our everyday life, and in the present, it helps me keep my eyes open for even the smallest blessings that God puts into each day. I'm up to 350, but I won't put them all in this post. Phew! That would be overwhelming! Here goes! The first 100. (Which, if I were to count the old posts from 2011, would actually be 300-400.)

Starting in the summer of 2013......

1. Finding a rock in Katie's jeans pocket. :)
2. Otter pops!
3. Folding clothes with Natalie.
4. Rosalie reading voraciously.
5. Cameron's sparkle back in his eyes after being sick.
6. Staying up late reading a good book.
7. The library!
8. Hummingbirds.
9. A juicy peach off of our own tree.
10. Deep red rose
11. Double Delight rose and it's intoxicating aroma.
12. Mail.
13. The quiet of morning.
14. Flexibility of summer.
15. Opportunity to spend time with my cousins.
16. Colors.
17. Blackberries.
18. Blackberry pie.
19. Yuka.
20. Time with the grandparents.
21. A day at the beach.
22. Hermit crabs.
23. Starfish.
24. Sea anenomies.
25. Little kids.
26. New life! (Cousin Lindsay's new baby, Ruby.)
27. Time with Hilary and Wendy. (My cousins)
28. All the little cousin's munchkins.
29. Watching Cam play with little Joe Joe.
30. A dip in Aunt Pam's pool on a hot day.
31. The refuge that Aunt Pam's house/pool is.
32. Family.
33. Time in the Word, worship with 4 church ladies.
34. Spiritual gifts.
35. Pillows - both bed pillows and pretty decorative ones.
36. A fresh new prayer journal.
37. Starting a prayer journal NOT in a crisis! (Means life is mellow at the moment.)
38. Breaks between trials, to build strength and rest.
39. Cameron's job.
40. Opportunities to trust God - for provision- and see Him answer.
41. A trip to Costco with my girlies.
42. Cameron able to drive himself to work.
43. Big stack of papers filed!
44. File boxes cleaned out and organized.
45. Rotisserie chicken from Costco.
46. Reid teaching a class (= income!)
47. Tamales!
48. French braiding Katie's hair.
49. Katie french braiding Natalie's hair.
50. MBTI test and conversation with each child about their temperaments.
51. A Mr. Fix It husband!
52. Working new water heater!
53. No more old water heater in the doorway of the laundry room.
54. A cleaned up, bigger feeling laundry room.
55. Rainbow arch with double rainbow.
56. Beautifully colored pre-storm sky.
57. Tilapia fish.
58. Cam going to Fred Meyer on a candy run. :)
59. Rosie getting to see Percy Jackson movie before the rest of us.
60. A sort of lazy afternoon and evening.
61. The Lord's provision - for our needs and beyond.
62. Juicy, yummy peaches!
63. Processing peaches with my friend, Lisa.
64. Orange sherbet paint!
65. Painting the girls room.
66. A fresh look for the girls room.
67. Replacing dark brown 70's molding with pretty new white molding.
68. Mondays! - Regroup, stay home, do laundry.
69. Rhubarb!
70. The smell of roses in the front yard.
71. The crepe myrtle blooming after 3 years.
72. Naps!
73. REBO Hatian coffee.
74. Reid's beautiful new office at Western Seminary.
75. Hanging pictures in Reid's office.
76. Seeing where Reid works.
77. Pepito's shrimp tacos.
78. A day with the kids.
79. Engine into the white Honda!
80. Again - a hubby who saves us thousands and thousands of dollars by being such a handy guy.
81. 2 kitties sitting by each other in the tree.
82. Cameron driving to school. (Ach! Really?)
83. Because of # 82, I have a few quiet moments with God before Nattie gets up.
84. Colds going a way.
85. Shopping day with Katie.
86. Katie buying a flowered skirt and pink shirt. :)
87. Shopping day with each of my girls by themselves.
88. Fog!
89. Fall weather.
90. Pouring rain.
91. Cozy blankets.
92. Paying off a big bill!! Phew! (Physical Therapy for Cameron's injury.)
93. New hairstyle.
94. Beautiful Fall leaves!
95. Blue skies.
96. Indian summer. (Sunny and 70-ish for weeks!)
97. Little personal notes to me from ARM Ministries donors.
98. Good conference for Nattie.
99. Good conferences with all Rosie's teachers.
100. Rosalie is doing it! Praise the Lord! She has all A's and B's, no missing work, socially doing great! Yay God! (6th grade)

Ramblings

9 months? I haven't "blogged" in 9 months? Sheesh! And so today, I sit down to write, but there is so much swirling around in my head that I don't know where to begin.

I heard on Focus on the Family the other day something that seemed to strike a chord with me. The speaker said something like "It can take up to three years to fully work through a crisis and feel like things are good again." It hit home for me. I had just been sorting through my thoughts and feelings about this very sort of thing. I am beginning to feel as though I/we are in a good, contented place once again. (I hesitate to write that. Does anyone else out there wait for the other shoe to drop when things are going well? I confess, I do. But I do know that life has seasons, and I can trust that whatever the season, God is right beside me, and will walk through whatever lies in my path with me.)

So what crises am I recovering from? Well, 5 1/2 years ago my parents moved to Dundee. It was a dream come true! The week they moved in, we found out mom was very ill with a form of "pre" leukemia, and prospects looked questionable. The next several months were full of chemo, grieving, spending every possible moment with mom, helping dad, trying to manage my own family life, etc. Then in November, pre-leukemia turned into full blown leukemia and Mom didn't qualify for a bone marrow transplant. Mom went home to Jesus on January 12th, 2010. That was close to 4 years ago. And I don't need to go into detail about all that. The purpose of this post is a focus on NOW, not then.

Then, a year later, Reid became a pastor, in January 2011. Then my dad got remarried in May 2011 (A good thing for sure, but still hard in some ways and definitely a transition). Then Reid resigned from his pastor position. All within a year and a half, all the while still reeling from and dealing with the loss of my mom/best friend/wonderful grandma. What a jumble of emotions and transitions and changes. Then Reid spent a year without a steady job, which was a blessing in many ways, and wonderful to see how God provided, but also a challenge and major lesson in trusting God. Things have settled down since then, though we still sometimes face and deal with all kinds of feelings surrounding all of those events. But mostly, we have journeyed through and come out on the other side of that valley. Thank you, Jesus!

Now all that stuff is close to.... you guessed it..... three years past. And I feel at peace. For now. But guess what. Another season of change is in the air. Cameron is a senior. I know my time of respite is brief. I know this is a joyous season, and something to celebrate, but that it will also contain grief and massive change. But I know that my God and my man will walk with me through it, and that in the midst of this season, as in all the others, we will encounter joy and blessings beyond measure mixed in with the challenges, changes and hard things.

A Look Back at 2013

I finally have some time to sit and reflect on 2013, and it seems two main themes followed us closely throughout the year - transitions and God's provision. 2013 was full of both for us!

We started off in January unsure of what our future held. Our church had very generously given Reid a severance package that lasted until December 31st, 2012. So January 1st saw us trusting the Lord for whatever income needs we had. We felt like we had a direction at least. Reid would do consulting and work for ARM Ministries, and whatever other work he could find - adjunct teaching, pulpit supply, and whatever else God provided. Our friend Kim Halstead employed Reid regularly in his plumbing business as an extra hand/ carpenter/ plumber. With several consulting jobs, and the other opportunities, we managed quite well! The Lord took care of us beyond our expectation, and we enjoyed a season where we were well provided for and Reid was home quite a bit.

In June, after months of being asked several times if he would please join their team, Reid took a position as Dean of student development/ Registrar at Western Seminary. He works there 3/4 time and spends the rest of his work week on his ARM Ministries responsibilities. Western is a wonderful place to work! The people there are a blessing for Reid to work with, and he has lots of freedom to use his God given gifts and talents. We are so thankful to God for providing this work for Reid in such an incredible environment.

The commute to Western from here in Dundee is 45-50 minutes, and that has taken some getting used to. It means Reid leaves the house by 6:00 most mornings to avoid the traffic. And that means that for the first time since Cameron started middle school, it is my job to drive the kids to school in the mornings. (Yeah, I know.... they could take the bus. But oh how I love those last few minutes in the car with them before they start their day, and I like knowing that talking with mom or dad and listening to good music is the start of their day instead of sitting squished on a bus full of kids talking about who knows what. :)) Driving them to school sure cuts into my old morning routine. I used to kiss the older ones goodbye and wave them off, then have 1/2 an hour to shower or have a quiet time before the younger ones needed to get up and get ready for school. Now there is no time for that, so any time I have somewhere to be in the mornings, it's a rush to get ready after the last kid is off to school. It has taken me a few months, but I think I'm finally used to it. :) When Reid was local, he was also able to help transport kids in the early evenings after sports practices. I took for granted what a blessing that was! Now that he doesn't usually get into town before 6, I have to figure out how to time dinner prep to fit around pick up schedule. Boy, I can't wait until our 3rd car gets running so Cameron can transport him and Katie! Which brings me to another transition....

Cameron turned 16 in March, and got his license in June, after he attended driver's ed. It has lightened my load considerably to have his help with the taxi-ing! Once we have a 3rd car working (come on Reid and Cam! Almost done rebuilding that engine!), we won't even have driving schedule conflicts and boy will that be amazing! (And I'll get my early mornings back!) Cameron also started working last summer and continues to life guard and teach lessons at our local pool. He enjoys the extra cash, and I enjoy his contribution to our car insurance costs. :)

Cameron is still transitioning/ adjusting to his life with Celiac disease. It's so easy to forget to check something, or for someone to accidentally feed him gluten without meaning to. He has missed 5 weeks of school so far this year due to complications with Celiac. But I think the rest of the year will be better, as Cam (and we who are close to him :) ) is learning to be even more diligent and cautious.

Katie started high school this fall. BIG transition! But she loves it and is thriving. She has changed so much. She is only 1/2 an inch shorter than I am now, and blossoming into a lovely young woman. She was the only freshman on the varsity girls water polo team, is the only oboe player in the freshman band (which makes it fun!), and is now swimming on the HS swim team. Katie had her first surgery in September.  Come to think of it, it was the first surgery any of our family has had other than Reid when he was a kid. She had her appendix taken out. (More on this later.) She was back at school after a week, and back to water polo after two weeks. Kids! Oh to be so resilient! :)

Another BIG transition... Rosalie started middle school! 6th grade is challenging, and involves a lot more homework than elementary school, but Rosie is responsible and a hard worker and is taking it all in stride. She also now plays the clarinet, and (parent opinion of course) is doing quite well with it. Big transition number two for Rosalie is that after 5 years of hard work at the REACH Family Institute, she graduated from their program! She has grown so much, and we credit much of her success to the work Charlie and Conceicao ( and Rosalie, and us at home!) have done with her. Way to go, Rose! :) (The magnitude of what a different child Rosalie is because of this is hard to put into words. Just know. It is HUGE. AMAZING. AWE INSPIRING.)

Transition for Natalie.... well, not much, but she is in her last year of elementary school, which is a pretty big deal. She loves school and loves to volunteer in the Life Skills classroom at her school during lunch recess.

The last big transition for our family is that I started a small part time job - other than cleaning for my parents and my aunt Pam. I now work for ARM Ministries, a small missions organization. I process their donations. It has been a huge learning curve for me! I have had to learn computer programs and lingo that I didn't have a clue about. But I enjoy it a lot! I spend about 3 hours a week at it, with around 6 more hours at the end of each month. I work from home, which is lovely! And I love that I am helping missionaries all around the world! To be honest, this transition has been tough for me in some ways, but good. It has forced me to reevaluate how I spend my time each day, to come up with a new routine for each week, and become more disciplined in order to accomplish all I have on my plate. I also had to quit working at my folks house to allow more time to focus on my family's needs. :( I know.... lots of ladies work full time and have it figured out. Kudos to them! :) Recognizing the challenges working moms face, even just through my adding a few hours of work into my weeks, inspires me to appreciate the blessings of being a "mostly stay at home" mom. :)

As for God's provision, He continues to meet more than our needs. Reid's new salary is significantly lower than what we had become used to, but there again, it causes us to appreciate the resources we do have all the more. (Maybe my theme should included 'appreciating resources - time and money'.) The most AWESOME provision God gave is for Katie's appendectomy bills. We chose an insurance policy that had some fine print we didn't know about or understand properly, resulting in a bill that was basically two months salary. Choke! While we fully take responsibility for that, it was definitely shocking, and we had no idea how we could even make the suggested monthly payments. We prayed. We (or "I") :) worried. We prayed some more. I called to make the first payment. The kind lady on the other end of the line exclaimed surprise at the size of our bill and suggested I apply for a reduction. I was just sure that we wouldn't qualify. After all, we are not destitute. So we went through the process of finding tax records, utility bills, pay stubs, bank statements, etc., filling out paperwork. Guess what. Now that huge nasty giant bill is only about 25% of the original!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise Jesus!!!! Way beyond our expectation! Again, God provides more than we need. It causes me to fall on my face in humble gratitude. Seriously.

I've decided that there are few things in this life that are constant. One of them is change. Change causes transitions. Shucks. I'm not so good at those. Boy, does God know how to stretch me. Pull me out of my comfort zones and it sends me into a tizzy. :) And that is how He gets my attention. And without all these transitions, the constant pull of change, and how God provides for us amidst all the changes, I'm sure I would not as easily be able to see His fingerprints on our lives. So... gulp.... I guess I have to say that change and transitions are good, and that I am thankful for them.

I know this is a long post, and I'm sure threads of it will appear in my (hopefully) soon to be written Christmas New Year's letter, so I apologize to those of you who will catch up on our news twice. :) I guess that's what happens when a blogger doesn't blog for over 6 months. You get a big update. :) Oh, and my last post about using Disney World money to pay taxes? We're using those air miles we had saved up for something different. We're taking the whole family on a mission trip to Haiti this next summer, and those air miles are going to go a long way to getting us there. Huh. God knew all along. I love Him. :)

A Hard Decision

A while back I did a post about how I was saving my cleaning money to take the family to Disney World. I mentioned that I had been saving for 3 years, and that it looked like we were getting close to making the dream a reality. Well, I lied. I did some calendar math, and realized that I have actually only been saving for 2 1/2 years. Just thought I should make that clear.

Anyway, there is a big chunk of money in a bank bag tucked away in a safe place, slowly adding up every time I clean, getting us closer and closer to our big trip. Reid has been saving air miles, and has enough now for all six of us to fly free. His family was going to gift us a week at a Worldmark hotel. All we needed was enough for tickets, some meals out + groceries for the meals we would eat in, and tickets into the parks. And we were getting close. But for the last week, that little bank bag has been convicting me every time I open my drawer. I think about it at random times during the day. I'm conflicted. See, for the first time ever, we weren't able to pay all of our taxes. We sent off what we could, but still owe a good sized chunk of money. That was unexpected. We saved what we thought we needed, but somehow miscalculated and ended up owing double what we expected. You know that chunk of money in my drawer? It is enough to just about pay the rest of what we owe on the taxes. Yup.

So I've been wrestling. Is it being a good steward of the money the Lord has provided to let it sit in a drawer while we have a big bill? Is it? Is it? Or does it really matter? Or since I've ear marked that money and it's built up over a long period of time is it OK for me to just keep it, and continue to save for our trip and try to find another way to pay the bill? Isn't it? Please? An even tougher question.... Do I trust God enough to replace the trip money (if He even wants to!) if we use it to pay the taxes? "Render to Caesar what is Caesar's" also runs through my mind - whether in or out of context I don't know. I still don't know if I'm ready to go there - if I'm ready to hand over my little nest egg that I have joyfully worked for, thinking it was for a trip, and instead use it to pay a bill. (I've been asking Reid, and he is so gracious. I think he would go either way for my sake.) But get this....

Because of my inner struggle with this question, I thought I'd bring it up at dinner - as a hypothetical question, of course. So I asked the kids this question..."Hypothetically speaking, say you have a big chunk of money that you've been saving for a long time for a fun vacation, but all of a sudden you have a big bill to pay. What is the right thing to do? Do you keep the money for your trip, or use it to pay the bill?" Cameron said, "This isn't so hypothetical, is it mom?"They were on to me of course, and knew I was asking them a real question. A question about us. All four of them said to pay the bill. Cameron said "Pay the bill. We can save up again. I'll put in the spending portion of what I earn this summer."  Katie said, "Pay the bill and trust God to provide for the trip. Or maybe God doesn't even want us to go to Disney World." Natalie said "I'm sad, but definitely pay the bill." Rosalie said, "Well, at least we HAVE the money to pay the bill!"

I was stunned. I thought there would be such disappointment and discouragement. I thought there might even be tears. Instead I was met with responsible, cheerful responses. Cameron suggested we maybe could take some smaller trips closer to home. Katie encouraged us that we could do it - save up again and try again in a year or so. The younger two were a little quieter. I was the one who ended up in tears of disappointment. I have so been looking forward to this for so long. There I sat crying, while the kids spoke words of cheer and encouragement. (Reid had left for a meeting after dinner.) I'm still teary. Partly out of disappointment, and partly because of the hearts my children displayed tonight at the dinner table. Hearts with a "can do" spirit. Hearts of compassion for their sad mom. Hearts willing to leave things in God's hands. Hearts willing to sacrifice their pleasure for the sake of being responsible. Hearts that can see the bigger picture, and that life isn't just about their pleasure.

And now that they have put in their two cents worth (pun intended! :) ), I guess I know what I have to do. Because, after all they said, how could I hold on to that money and keep it in the drawer for our trip knowing they would know we didn't use it to pay the taxes! It would undo all they said in our conversation! Shoot - maybe I should never have asked them..... :)