Let Go - my 2023 theme

 I just saw my Facebook memory from a year ago. It was a picture of my 2022 theme word... joy. And I can truly say that as I sometimes focused on joy and sometimes not, joy filled my year. In many ways it was a tough year. But Joy came in and overlaid the hard things. Every time. I plan to write a New Year's letter/post soon, and in that post I will cover the happenings of 2022, but for now it is on my heart to write about my theme for 2023.... Let Go.... (cue Elsa's song "Let It Go" lol). I love the image above. It signifies the letting go of the things precious to my heart, and trusting like a child that God will be good and faithful with the things I let go.

Over the last several months, the Lord has been working on my heart in this area. You see, one of the things I fear most is loss of relationship with my loved ones, and loss of the comfortableness of current life. Whether that is just the normal loss of the kids growing up and moving on with their lives (still a part of our lives but differently and probably not as much), the inevitable loss to come of the elderly people I love, the potential loss of life as I know it, loss of security and comfort of the life we now have, loss of health. We have been made aware of the fragility of life even at our age this year with Reid's heart attack and now beginning his journey of prostate cancer. (Ooph... so much vulnerability... please be kind. :) )

I finally admitted to myself that I have had certain expectations of how life would turn out, and that those expectations were probably unrealistic, definitely idealistic. :) It's been hard to let go of some of my expectations of how things would look. But I am learning. And when I let go and do my best to go with the flow, the results are often much better than I dreamed or expected. I know I am being a bit vague here. It's a bit difficult to put into words the expectations and longings of my heart. It's been hard to let go of my kids. I love them so much, and long to continue to have close relationships with them. But this also means letting go. Letting go of the kind of relationship we have had, and allowing them the freedom and room to grow into the relationships they are forming with their significant others (two spouses coming up!) and allowing my relationship with them to flex and flow into something new. It will be good and beautiful, and I'm learning to trust God with that. I am excited also to be bringing a new daughter and a new son into our family, and hopeful that we will develop good relationships with them as well. 

I have had to let go of other things too, and learn to enjoy the new. I have been working 3/4 full time now for a year and a half. Honestly, I don't think I fully embraced it and adjusted to it until this past September. After 24 years of either no work or only part time work, adjusting to full time was challenging. I really enjoy my job, but had to let go of things like weekday Bible study, flexibility to be available for whatever comes my way time wise, the ability to travel whenever I want, and a lot more. But I do also love this new venture, and have grown because of it in many ways. 

Our home life looks a lot different these days too. Reid works from home, and currently doesn't have a home office, so he is in the living room. We only have one living space, so that has really put restrictions on the comfort of relaxing in the living room when the kids are home, and just in general too. I also miss our hour long conversations every day during his commute home. But letting go of how it used to be allows me to appreciate how it is now. It's nice that he's always home. We often eat breakfast together and have time to connect throughout the day during his breaks if I'm at home. 

As I reflect, I know that letting go isn't a new theme in my life. It has definitely intensified over the last year or so. But I know that I am not done learning to let go and trust God with all these things, and I know that 2023 will be a continuation of all this letting go, so I am choosing it as my theme as the letting go goes deeper, and happens more. Hopefully that Joy from the last year will carry over and ease the letting go. And I look forward to seeing the faithfulness of God in this as I have seen it in the past. Thankfully, He never lets go of me, He is faithful, and He is good.